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really down dont know what to do

Posted , 6 users are following.

jamie1918
jamie1918

hi dont know really how to start this im 26 male and ive waisted all my adult life I think i have avoidance personality disorder and depression. But me being me havent got help for it i feel that bad about myself i dont think anyone will be able to help me and problems are pileing up ive never had a real job, girlfriend ive lost contact with most of of my friends i have zero income having to rely on my mother who is working in her sixties and borrowing money off my grandmother who is her 90s yes i know im a piece of sh*t. I dont want to sound dramatic but i see the end is close for me im probably going to kill myself in the near future i can feel myself getting more comfortable about the idea as the days go on as if my my brain is gearing up for it. I dont know why im writing this but im scared, somewhere deep down i dont want to die but ive become a burden to my family and friends and ive felt really bad about myself for 10 years plus now so i feel nothing is going to change its my fault by the way but the choice is be a burden to everyone for the rest of my life i love or leave my mother and friends and kill myself i dont know. Im sorry for the rant my thoughts are all over the place and i recognize my thoughts are irrational i just need help or something or encouragement to die i dont know thanks anyway.

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • xarjia
    xarjia jamie1918

    Posted

    Hi Jamie. First of all let me say that you are very brave for expressing your feelings on this forum. You would be surprised at the amount of people who feel similar to you. You are not alone.

    Have you been to see your GP at all and have you been formerly diagnosed?

  • steven43881
    steven43881 jamie1918

    Posted

    Jamie--- Please don't do anything. I'm in the same place where you are. I know how you feel. I have the same thoughts as you, but everyday I pull myself pout of it. I KNOW there must be a future out there somewhere.  I had my prostste half taken out 6 years ago and have been struggling with life to this very day. I can't ejaculate anymore !! I have orgasms, but nothing comes out. The ejaculate goes back into my bladder and I pee all of my semen out through my urine. NICE HUGH !! But God keeps me hanging in there. Maybe my purpose for being here right now is to Help you. AND I feel like I want to do that. PLEASE communicate with me, Jamie. I Want To Help You. We can work this out if you'll just let me, ok

        Steve

  • richard89308
    richard89308 jamie1918

    Posted

    maybe some cbt would help you in your avoidance thinking.  Try and think of others before yourself and you will be there.
    • laura11452
      laura11452 richard89308

      Posted

      Avoidance Personailty Disorder is seen as a very serious condition.. I think jamie has along way to go in getting support for this before he can think of anyone..
  • laura11452
    laura11452 jamie1918

    Posted

    Hi jamie

    If you have got Personailty Advoidance Disorder this nothing to feel bad about .. We all have problems on here in one form or another.. First you need to see a GP to be diagnosed.. If you find it difficult to communicate write down what you would like to get a cross to the doctor and hand it to them.. This will help with the aniety of having to talk about it all and also give you a chance to make sure you have listed everything that is important to you..

    There is loads of help out there and because of the nature of your disorder you need pointed in the right direction and given support, understanding and advise on how to cope better..

    This in no way makes you a bad person.. i can see where you are starting to feel suicidal because you don't know where to turn and you feel very overwhemled because your finding it hard to get on top of things..

    Its interesting that you say this has been going on 10 years.. That tells me something has happened to trigger this.. There will be ways of overcoming or making life easier with the right treatment..

    I would say your mum and grandmother know your unhappy and probably don't know what to do to help..

    But with slow steps you can get to a better place and this should start with a GP visit.. We all have to start somewhere and I know this can be very difficult but you don't want to live like this anymore when you have your whole life infront of you.. You said yourself you don't want to die so that is a brilliant start..

     

  • Mashuga
    Mashuga jamie1918

    Posted

    Hi Jamie I'm sorry you're going through it. Sounds like you're having a really sh*t time. My advice would be to go and see a doctor as soon as possible. You are not a burden and there is light at the end of the tunnel, it's just hard to see it right now. Get the help you deserve by visiting your GP. Take care, Ben
  • jamie1918
    jamie1918

    Posted

    hello again just wanna say thanks for being good people thanks for being there cheers guys
    • Digsby
      Digsby jamie1918

      Posted

      Hi Jamie,

      Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on - you've taken a really BIG step in opening up so honestly on this forum. I battle suicidal depression so I can relate to how you are feeling. I'm not working at the moment but I have done some voluntary work in the past which really helped to restore my self-confidence. Try to keep yourself as active as possible and don't isolate yourself from people. You have a valuable & unique contribution to make to this world. Hang in there and find your place in life - it will be worth the effort. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. Good luck :-)

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