Really Need Help
Posted , 4 users are following.
Hi- I am new here and i'm looking for support. This may be ranty, but bear with me. I am 29 years old and have always had a moderate amount of anxiety. I never talked to anyone about it, just kind of "lived with it", nothing unmanageable. Actually a lot of people would probably say I was the most optimistic person they know. Anyway, 3 months ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. The news shook me to my core. My dad has been my entire life. I helped bring him to his initial appts and tests and we continued getting pretty awful news and it was so terrifying. I was unable to sleep and my worrying was consuming me. In the midst of this I began having SEVERE panic attacks about my own health, and starting fearing terrible things. I have had health anxiety since I was little and it's kind of been on/off my whole life. What I experienced in the last month or two has been unlike anything else. I was having full blown attacks and went to the ER multiple times. I could not function, eat, sleep. I could not take care of my 3 year old daughter (thank god for amazing husbands). A huge trigger was when I went to the chiropractor. He took a bunch of xrays. Afterwards I did some research and all these people are saying chiros shouldn't take xrays and that it's radiation and blah blah blah. Well that spiraled me into a CRAZY rabbit hole about xrays and radiation harm and I convinced myself that they caused damage to me. I mean I literally lost my mind over it had another panic attack so severe that I went to the ER and they did a CT of my head because I was so dizzy and my arms were tingling. Less to say my radiation fear was born again. I totally went into some deep dark hole of picturing everyone in my life dying and/or being sick. It was all I could think about. I ended up staying at my parents for a week to "recover" from my mental state. I had been seeing a therapist and taking Zoloft but my mind was honestly rejecting the help. I could not listen to anyone because my anxiety was so bad. My poor dad who's used to seeing me as the most optimistic person on the planet now had to see me in complete distress and mental exhaustion. The last few days I have somewhat "come to" but I feel almost traumatized by the last few months. I have never, ever, ever experienced anxiety even close to this. I am trying to come back to reality but still having a hard time. I need to be here for my dad, and my daughter but I feel like i've done some permanent damage to my mental health that I can't reverse. I don't know if this was a mental breakdown, or some sort of psychosis but I'm just looking for some support on how to "climb out". I am still seeing my therapist, and increased my zoloft. I feel slightly better the last few days but the constant anxiety of what's happening to my dad, and the potential for it to happen to other people I love is almost to much to bear. I feel so guilty for spending the last 2 months like this, while my dad is fighting such an awful thing. Just looking for some support I guess or words of encouragement. I really need it. Thank you.
1 like, 5 replies
jan34534 kdel13
Edited
I am so sorry you’re going through this. It’s very difficult especially with anxiety. I wanted to tell you first of all that going to the chiropractor and getting a series of x-rays it’s not enough to do any damage. I’ve been to the chiropractor and had the same thing done and that was over 30 years ago! I am perfectly healthy. I know other people who went numerous times and got many x-rays and they are also fine. so you can really let that go.
Also, you are going through hard times right now.. anxiety and panic are common in that case. anxiety can cause negative, fearful thinking that is not based on facts. an example is when you Picture of your loved ones dying. Remember you have a choice. You can torture yourself mentally or let it go.I used to do that and it literally tortured my mind. When I stopped doing it and did not let it overtake me or control me, I felt much better .
DONT let fear control your mind! Remember whatever we focus on will grow larger whether it’s positive or negative!
make yourself aware of that and let go of a scary thought. watch it float off and tell yourself that thought is NOT a part of me, I DONT have to follow it, and I Release it! THEN do something else.
Im so glad that you are in counseling! Don’t stop it even when you start to feel better. It really helps to talk to somebody else who can help.
ITS very important to take care of you! That way you can be strong for your dad and your child. They need you to be healthy. You won’t feel like this forever. Don’t ever give up and just take one day at a time. You’re just going through a very difficult time right now. you will recover.
THERE for some really great talks and meditations on YouTube for anxiety, panic, depression, etc.! They really call me down when I need it!also great short meditations for proper breathing that calms down panic and anxiety.
I do you hope you start to feel better soon. Remember, take care of you. That’s the best gift you can give your family! ❤
kdel13 jan34534
Posted
Thank you sooo much! I've definitely being having SO many irrational thoughts and fears that have truly consumed me. I feel like I will never be able to be truly happy now that my dad is so sick, it just kills me and makes me miss life when he was healthy. I'm trying so hard to focus on the present day and that is my biggest challenge. I really appreciate your response, it means so much to me to have some words of support.
sasical72 kdel13
Edited
Hello,
I'm so sorry you are going through such a terrible time.
First of all I would tell that you do not have to fear having damaged your mental health permanently, that will 100% NOT happen.
What is happening to you is completely normal under the circumstances. You have always had anxiety which you have more or less managed, but now with the news of your Dad's illness it has just gone over the edge of what you can cope with.
Don't feel guilty and don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing as much as you can, from the heart. You can't do more than that.
Going for therapy is great but do you have anyone you can talk with on a daily basis? Just to unload your anxiety and fears. If you don't you can chat to us on here, sometimes it's easier with people you don't know.
Find a few minutes a day for yourself, to breathe, cry or whatever you need. I have found exercise to be of great help when I'm overwhelmed.
Come back and let us know how you're getting on x
kdel13 sasical72
Edited
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm trying to get back into an exercise routine since this is something I always did before. I do have a hard time feeling guilty or "silly" for having such a dramatic response to the situation, but I am working on being kinder to myself. Again, thank you for your words, it is so appreciated.
sasical72 kdel13
Posted
Not at all.
I really understand exactly how you feel, I have been there and it's a horrible loop and feels like you will be like this forever. You won't, guaranteed.
Take care x