Really want to cut

Posted , 5 users are following.

sorry for this but needed to say something - get it out of my head.

the cut I had stitched up a few weeks ago has re-opened. the stitches were taken out after 10 days and the bit that hadn't totally healed had steri-strips put on it. Over the last day I have become aware that it has not healed. My intention was to put more steri-strips on it (the ones I put on earlier are all bloodied now) but although I have the first aid stuff on my bed I have found myself getting scalpel blades out and wanting to re-open the whole thing and make it worse.

why am I so messed up???? :cry: :oops: I just want to be free of this. Silly thing is I know in the short term re-opening it will make me feel better. Scared I will just keep going though.

sorry again for not the nicest of posts but had to tell someone - don't want to wake anyone up - they must be fed up with me always ringing for nothing but support.

girl :cry:

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Morning Girl

    Nobody is going to be fed up with you hun. What you need to do now is get yourself off to A&E and let them dress your wound properly for you. While there tell them how you are feeling, fingers crossed they will have someone at the hospital who can off you some help.

    I wish I could be of more help, but having never had the urge to cut myself or make acut worse I will admit I find this trait extremely stressing, worrying and disgusting. That doesn't mean I find you any of those things hun, just the act of self harm.

    It is quite scary just how many more people find this act as strange as myself and proves that society on the whole needs more education in this area so we can better understand and help/support those who do self harm.

    Having said that, it is probably the very same drive that makes me want to take tablets for the 'chilled out' effect :oops:

    LOL - at that - I am on that many strong painkillers at the moment I no longer have the desire to take them - now I can't wait until my shoulder and elbow are sorted so I don't have to take painkillers. What a Contrary Mary I am. :roll:

    Go and get your wound dressed properly, ask for lots of dressing on it so you can't see it (try and remove the temptation) and then try (as hard as it will be) to do somethings that will distract you from your thoughts of self harm.

    Cyber hugs to you.

    love 'n' hugs

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Girl,

    I agree with Melbi, go to your A&E department and ask to see someone, i think they have a phychartric nurse on staff and you could go and see them. As i'm sure you've heard it all before but you could do yourself damage or get an infection!

    I'm sure that you have heard of other techniques like drawing on yourself with red pen and using an elastic band round your wrist! Have you tried any of these? Have you found out any information about self harming and the reasons behind it?

    Melbi, one of the reasons people do it is because they hurt so much on the inside that they want to be able to pinpoint it. Thats my reason! There is sometimes so much pain and self harm gives you something to focus that pain on! I know it probably sounds silly, but if you can see that cut and you can see it bleeding you know that is the reason for your pain, it also brings relief because it doesnt hurt anywhere else at that moment.

    I agree with you that people need more information on this type of behaviour. Its not disgusting (well maybe it is!) Its just different, some people drink, other take drugs, others control their eating habits!

    Do you not think any or all of them are a form of self harm?

    Back to you Girl, What happened you seemed to be doing so well.

    Please will you go to A&E?

    PM me tonight, i will be around.

    Take care

    The orb fairy.

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  • Posted

    Did another one bite the dust?

    Has girl cut herself up so badly she no longer exist?

    How sad bt life goes on

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  • Posted

    still here - been sleeping most of the day


    have appoint tomorrow for ecg (required for edu assessment) so will get it checked out then.

    Melbi - I know it is a strange thing to do to yourself but I try and explain it to people like a pressure cooker or a volcano. the build up becomes so much it has to be released otherwise everything explodes and thats far more messy. Often it doesn't even hurt when you do it but it does release pain, if that makes sense.

    Anyway, hope that gives a bit more insight although people have different reasons for it.



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  • Posted

    Hi girl

    Well at least you replied lol. I had just put an alert in mods forum but seems I had no need to :D

    You know something Girl, I think you are now strong enough to stop all this self harming :D

    I think you are now ready to move on and face your past and see it for what it is - the past - gone - what happened then can't happen to you now.

    Time to move on - to grow up - to find the real you.

    You have built up such a good friendship with OrbFairy. How would she feel now if you cut your self to death? How would we feel?

    The hardest part for you now is the getting better v- knowing you areb getting better - knowing how to deal with and cope with situations without the need to self harm.

    You have recognised the stress self harming causes you but it is easier for you to do that than to look yourself in the face and say 'hey, I'm an okay person'.

    Girl, you are more than an okay person, you take the time to reply to other poeples problems on here.

    I need to ask you a favour now hun.

    I need you to stop self harming out of pity and start helping others who self harm because they havent reached as far as you.

    I know that makes senses to you and I know it is a huge step for you - but I know you can do it - you know you can do it.

    Take those steps out of the tunnel, hold my hand and orbs hand and walk with me and orb and many others to the endof that tunnel - so its scary at theother end - trust me hun, it isnt anywhere near as scary as where you are now.

    Only you can stop the self harm - and I have true faith in you to stop it.

    Just channel your thoughts into me, hold my hand and walk with me on this one - you know you can do it.

    Dont let me down

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi

    Thanks :oops:

    I am going to print that post out and keep it with me. I have woken up today feeling much more positive and your post has helped as well.

    you are right - I am scared of the path out of here but I also don't think I am able to do it all on my own. I stopped self harming before so thats possibly the easier bit - I know, mad isn't it. :oops:

    The annoying is that I started the process of getting help 4 years ago and it has taken me getting worse again and again before I have been able to get the referrals and then I have the waiting lists!

    the times when I have self harmed recently - I haven't felt self pity (but would I be aware of it I wonder) no I seem to do it out of self disgust. Its for the same reason that I can't say that I am ok as a person.

    I will try to stop the self harm, really I will. I have done it before and can do it again but I can't promise it will be an over-night thing.

    Thanks again for the encouragement.

    girl smile

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  • Posted

    Hi Girl, I am a health professional (I don't suffer from depression or any other mental health problems) but have an interest in it so that is why I am here.

    I support young people like yourself who self harm and have had training on this.

    Self harm is not something you can just stop and people cannot just tell you to stop. What is advised is that you use a blunt instrument instead of a sharp one so as you don't do too much harm. You need to go back to some form of counselling to deal with the reasons you feel this way and why you feel so disgusted with yourself. I hope you don't need to wait too long for your referral.

    Take care

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  • Posted

    Hi 2 all i totaly agree u cant stop just like that ( i wish it was that easy). Iv been self harming 4 7 years now and it realy anoys me when people say u dont need 2 do it, take ur mind of it, thats not normal, y do u do it im sure thoese of us who do it understand wot imtryin 2 say. The first time i did it i shattered every bone in my hand and needed surgury. The pain i was experiencing inside wsa that strong i never felt a thing when i did it. The reason i find i self harm is 2 releave the preasure and the pain inside and when i c the blood i c it as the bad and the pain being released from the inside. At the time thease urges r with me the only thin i can think of is 2 stop the pain inside and selfharm is the only way i can do that, u cant stop the thoughts goin through your head but at the same time u no its not healthy but the urgus r 2 much and at the time its easier 2 cut and i would rather hurt myself than any1 else. I do understand it is hard 4 any1 who hasnt been there 2 understand but its not that easy 2 stop it becomes part of your life and way of living, well it does 4 me anyway but thats not 2 say i would love 2 b able 2 control it and 1 day not have 2 do it any more ( not many places left that ar not scared if any).

    Girl, i cant realy say much as i would b a hypocrite the only thing i can say is stay safe and keep the wounds clean your not alone. Big hugs and take care x

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