Reassurance needed

Posted , 6 users are following.

A couple of days ago I gave in to the temptations offered at the internet cafe. As most of you know, I have been slowly tapering down with diazepam and so far it's been fine. My daughter blocked all drug websites on my laptop to help me avoid temptation. Yet suddenly, a couple of days ago, I CRAVED sleeping tablets, and I went to the internet caff and ordered thirty. I feel so guilty and stupid. Just need some supportive messages from you.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Its good that you can be "honest" with yourself and US....honesty is a big thing in recovery...I would NOT however be honest with your daughter she will flip out!  

    Were the sleeping tablets benzos? Since your addiction is benzos...not SO bad if they are not benzos you ordered...but dangerous if we take any pill to excess (you know that).

    I'm sorry you did that (for you)...you are not stupid....you are doing really well with your cut down plan on your benzos....

    Guilty - yes, we feel guilty and should only feel guilty when we do something "wrong".....but your human....you a good woman and don't let yourself think otherwise.  

    You "slipped"...Now what will happen when they come in the mail?

    Are you going to take them all? Just a few? 

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    • Posted

       Thanks Misssy - yes, they were xanax so obviously, benzos.

      They already arrived - the day after I ordered them, and I've taken 24 of them, which leaves six.

      I don't want to do this again but I'm worried that I might.

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    • Posted

      Tess, were they 2mg, 5mg, or 10's?  If its 2's its not so bad, 24 10's will take a good while to leave youre system!   Maybe see a Dr for a check if its that many?
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    • Posted

      Xanax are the worst of the benzos. They're 10 to 20 times as powerful as diaz, so the tablets are only 0.25 mg, 0.5 mg, 1 mg and 2 mg.

      But because of the short half life, they're vicious. They give you a quick hit, a bit like the spirits of the alcohols world, but they also stop working a lot sooner, hence the reason people take so many.

      The trouble is, they do the job of the GABA so well in relaxing and calming you, then your GABA shuts down and so if you stop taking them, you feel awful, depressed.

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    • Posted

      I dont take them. I am prescribed 5 and 2mg ones - more recently just 2mg.  I know about the GABA problem.  You have no idea this is happening until you stop.
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    • Posted

      Yes I am. As far as I can work out from a bit of research alprazolam are significantly weaker than diazepam, but do work the same way. 

      Sure you can soon get back on track again.

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    • Posted

      They didn't give me a quick hit at all. I was expecting to feel drowsy very soon after taking them, but nothing spectacular happened.

      I doubt if I'll feel awful when I stop taking them because I've still got my prescribed diazepam. But you never know..........I certainly don't want to feel depressed.

       

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  • Posted

    We all trip and fall. I think it's if we keep on trying that matters. Don't let a slip stop you. We believe in you.
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  • Posted

    I do really know what you mean. I find it very tempting at times. I kep counting the number of benzos I have left and working out how long they will last if I use X amount a day, then cut it down to X amount of that and so on, and whether I should talk to the Dr totally honestly about the problems I'm having with it.

    I know this is an alcohol forum, but for me the two things are related, as I find that if I'm 'allowed' a beer or two shortly before bed I dont need valium, and I keep talking about this with my husband, but right now its too risky for me to drink at all, because my son is in the middle of finishing his A' Levels, so wer'e on a strict nightly regime of being really quiet and going to bed early. He has troubled night as it is - some people just dont cope with exam stress well.

    My husband says when his - our sons - exams are done we can relax a bit more and I can concentrate more on doig what I feel I have to do to get of the benzos properly - even if it means going away somewhere for a while - a change of scene, somewhere I can do alot of walking - excercise away all the tension. Sounds good, and probably what alot of people need, but dont get the time to do it. 

    My sister came over the other day, and asked if I had any spare valium, or if I could give her a 'good' website to order them from. I was quite horrified shes going the same way I did, shes now using tranquilizers the nights she doesnt drink, otherwise she gets no sleep, and has to work fullt-ime. The last thing she needs is to get addicted to something else as well.

    Really good that youre daughter is supportive of youre effort, and maybe you should talk to her about this. If my husband knows I've ordered some benzos he waits around to try to intercede when they come in the post, so I dont grab them and hide them away from him.  Its good if someone close to you knows how much you have and what youre taking and how much you are supposed to be cutting down by - it can test their patience quite a bit though!

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