Recent HSV2 Positive Diagnosis/Nervous, Scared, Autoinnoculate

Hi all (long post),

I am new here and I am coming here for support and guidance. Some days are better than others. I was recently diagnosed (through a blood test) with HSV2 (my antibodies were off the chart, value of over 5). I am not a sexually active person (in fact, my last partner was a BF and was over 5 years ago) and after every significant other/partner (which that number is less than 5) I have been tested. My HSV2 story starts with when I few dates with a guy and ended up doing something I normally do not do, engaged in a fooling around with him. We did not have sex (he wanted to), but everything about him made me uncomfortable (which is why I cut things off and only went on a few dates with him), but his genitals were on/around mine for 15-20 seconds before I just said "stop" (no penetration, no sex, all foreplay). Anyway, about six weeks later I had two itchy bumps on my outer labia that stayed about ten days or so. I thought they might be ingrown hairs (almost like little white pimples), didn't think much about them. They came back several times in the same spot (initially once a month for three months). After a year (and the fourth OB of the two pimples, which was about ten months after the third OB) I realized that this was not right and went to the doctor and had a full panel of tests done and of course (not to my surprise as I am a PhD and a complete nerd, I had already been researching everything about it) I was positive for HSV2 (negative for everything else, including HSV1).

I, of course, contacted the guy and told him, (and that since I had bloodwork from after every BF before and had been negative), that I contracted it from him and he should get tested and notify any partners he had had in the last 18 months (since my interaction with him had been 18 months prior). Anyway, he was not too kind or helpful. Said he hadn't been tested, but that it sucked for me, but that he  didn't have it (wouldn't listen to me on the statistics about being aymptomatic), pretty much said "you are hot, there is not way you haven't been with others. You got it from someone else", despite the fact that I had not and haven't even kissed anyone since my last date with him and that every test from after past BFs has been a full STD panel and negative on every STD.

I guess I am here just because I know this is a community of others who have HSV 2 (I can't even bring myself to use the slang term for it, because of the stigma associated with it). I already have a hard time opening up in relationships (hence as a mid to late 30-something female why I have had less BFs and partners than I have on one hand. That and my focus on my career and education). I think this is compounded by random men and guys who I converse with on planes, resturants, etc when they ask why a girl who is as smart and pretty as me is single. Many men (not all) have followed it up with an insensitive comment like "you got some sorta STD or disease or something". I always laughed it off before because a) I never had an STD or disease and b) I was positive that I never would. Now, the only positive that I have is that I did contract an STD and one that is incurable and so those comments on "what is wrong with you" now have truth (although I know I am NOT my diagnosis, it does not make it any easier to accept). I think it makes it harder in knowing that my sexually promiscuous friends (girls and guys who have slept with 40, 50, 60, 100 partners) would talk about their escapades and STD transmissions and none of them ever got STDs, and often when they would would joke and say "at least it isn't herpes" when they would get a curable one, or  they would say "I'd just kill myself if it was herpes". I think on this now and think of how me, an unpromiscous person just got dealt this raw hand, already when I have issues dating and opening up with men.

I guess I am looking for advice and just someone who can sympathize with me, as I know many on here have gone through this. The funny things is, over the last month when I had a feeling that it was HSV2 (but I had not received the bloodwork diagnosis) I would read this forums and just think "oh mine will be folliculitis" or "mine will just be something else, I won't actually be posting on any forum about being HSV2 positive". Well, here I am, posting as an HSV2 positive person.

Knowing the statistics that I now (1 in 4 women have HSV2, the number is higher when you add those who have HSV1 genitally). Knowing that 80+% don't even know that they have it, doesn't make it easier. I guess I just now feel like a statistic, and feel like that statistic that knows she is a statistic (given that only 10-20% of that 16-20% that have it even know they have it, further stigmatizes, as only like 5-8 million of the US population of over 350 million know they have it, further stigmatizes, as that small group is the one who tells people they have it when they enter relationships). I wish that there was someway to change the stigma and climate around this skin "disorder". people don't make fun of those who have HIV, HPV, etc, but people with "herpes" wow, I said it, are the butt of so many jokes. I am so sad about this, and sad about my future of having to tell people I have this when it is someone for whom I begin to develop feelings, especially when I got it from someone who made my skin crawl and from a 15 second encounter with that person.

Side note, (after this long post), since I know I contracted it over a year ago (and in that first year had four OBs before I got tested), after I got tested (which was 3 weeks ago), I have had two outbreaks (three if you include the OB that made me decide to go to the doctor). One was in the same place where it normally appeared (the two small pimples on the outer labia, dry skin area), and the one I have now is in the moist perianal area. It definitely hurts/burns. Both of the OBs that developed in the last few weeks occurred on the same side of the body; the doctor has suggested that it is possibly the same infected nerve, just that the news and the stress of my diagnosis has caused a few OBs and it has not fully retreated to lay dormant until the next OB. My concern (which I told her about) was that perhaps I autoinnoculated myself, as the OB that sent me to the doctor in the first place last month, I decided to pop the whiteheads because I want to convince myself that they were just pimples. I also shaved that whole area last month just to convince myself. The doctor said that the chances of autoinnoculation would be slim (but still would be possible) since I have had it for a year plus and have plenty of antibodies, but I do want to ask this community what they know about autoinnoculation. How likely is this? Additionally, if I do end up in a relationship (say with another HSV2 positive person), what exactly is the likelihood of us giving it to each other in new spots if we are sexual during OBs?

Anyway, I am doing a six month round of suppressive therapy just to get out of this funk and over these few recurring OBs. Hopefully in that six months I will also learn to accept it a bit more (again some days are easier, mainly I think it is harder because I already am a mid to late 30 year old woman who doesn't date much to begin with, but who is hoping to begin dating since career wise I feel accomplished). The next steps do scare me (in coming out about it in the beginning stages of relationships)

Thanks all for any support and feedback. I am glad that there are communities like this where we can explain our fears and know that others have been through this.

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