Recently diagnosed with genital herpes and in the worst pain and want to jump off a bridge

I don’t even know how this happened.  I’m embarrassed and where I’m from there is no support or support groups so this is probably the best thing for me.  I am so depressed and upset and constantly crying.  At first I thought it was a really really bad case of ingrown hairs or razor rash.  I hadn’t had sex in over a year and I had sex with a guy (WITH A CONDOM TO BOOT!) who I knew and previously slept with too!  This was the Wednesday.  The next day (Thursday) by the evening I couldn’t even keep my legs together and by the time I got home from work I ripped my underwear off and took a bath to try and tame my down there region.  

I couldn’t tolerate the burning pain which seemed like cuts so I pulled myself up to my mirror and had a look and noticed two large bumps on my labia and about 4 white bumps by my anus!  Of course I started googling and it gave me the slight idea I had genital herpes.  I stressed myself out and decided I was going to the doctor the next morning first thing (Friday).

My doctor took one look and said “99.9% chance you have genital herpes.”  I broke down because it’s been over a year and I’m normally in monogamous relationships!  I used a condom and it was only two days prior that I had sex.  She said condoms help but it doesn’t mean you cant catch it.  I asked if it would happen that fast and she said absolutely.  I wish they educated us about this stuff back in school but they didn’t!  The guy I slept with had NOTHING showing on him and she said he could be a carrier and not even know he had it.  WTF! She asked if this is the first time I’m experiencing symptoms and whether I had a fever or swollen glands- nope.  No pain urinating, no body aches.  Nothing minus the painful bumps.  She sent me for blood work and took swabs and said she would call me next week to confirm which type HSV 1 or 2.  I was given Valacyclovir 1000mg to take 2x a day for 10 days.  When I asked if I can put tea tree oil or witch’s hazel on it my doctor said do not irritate it.  She also said the blisters were broken.

I left assuming she was wrong because I had no other symptoms.  By that Friday afternoon my throat felt like there was something stuck at the back.  Swollen glands.  Behind my ear hurt.  My lower back hurt and my neck felt like I was in a whiplash car accident.  I had a fever of 104.3 and by the time I got home I was shaking from being cold.  I had a hot epsom salt bath but I still couldn’t get warm.  Then 20 mins later my fever came back.  When I urinate I still have no pain BUT it hurts like hell to wipe!  It hurts SO badly.  By night I was rolling around in bed in such tremendous amount of pain down there I wanted to actually die.  This is by far the worst pain I have been in next to labour that I almost went to the hospital.  I cannot walk, I can’t move and now I have weird discharge.  So from having sex to now it’s only been 3 days.  I’m on my second day of antivirals and while I think they aren’t working I look down there and it looks like they are going away but the pain has gotten worse which makes no sense.  It just BURNS.  There is no itching down there but my entire back is so itchy!  I cannot go through weeks or months with this like I’ve read.  I’ve taken so much Advil to try and subside the pain but I’m at my max dose for the day.  

Please tell me it gets better!  I am seriously so depressed.  I’ve read horror stories about people who get it for weeks or months!  I can’t do that!  I can’t even move right now never mind do this for that long.  I am in so much pain that it is taking everything out of me not to go to the hospital crying and begging for them to give me something, anything for the pain.  All I’ve been doing is sleeping or laying down in one position because it’s the only one that I can tolerate.  

Now today, I don’t have a fever but I am sweating.  My throat still feels like I have something in it and my body still aches.  My labia is fire red but the bumps have gone right down.  My anus hurts the most though and is super sensitive.  Which is ironic because I’ve never had anal sex in my life.  But even those bumps have gone down or disappeared.  So what the heck is going on?  It just feels extremely raw.  

Are the antivirals supposed to help?  When will I feel back to normal?  I’m drinking water like it’s going out of style and trying to get this thing to “exit” my body even though I now know it’s permanent.  I’m so upset and heartbroken.  I’m not this type of person and I’ve never had anything before STI/STD wise.  

Plz help and provide anything I just can’t take it anymore and it’s only day 3.  I don’t see any scabs starting either!

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