Recovering Painkiller Addict Prescribed Mirtazipine

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Hi,

   I was addicted to certain painkillers for 5 years and the last 2 years of that I was under the guidance of my doctor and a specialist in addiction. I reguarly suffer from depression and when I cam out of rehabilitation past December everything seemed to be ok until a couple of weeks later my system started reacting to the withdrawal medication and the anti depressants ( Fluoxotine/Prozac ). The doctor prescribed me Mirtazipine and they did work for a while after I was upped to 45mg daily and I wouls split this into 3 15mg a day morning,noon and night but after a while I started feeling unwell and suicidal and from the moment I woke up I watched the clock until it was time to goto bed as that was the only way I could have peace. I got taken off these and put onto the highest dose of Sertreline but these tablets made me even worse and the suicidal thoughts were on my mind all day everyday and it was a constant battle to stop myself from doing anything.

After one appointment which I took my wife with me to the specialist doctor who deals with my recovery the doctor realised I was telling the truth about how I felt as my wife described everything to her. The specialist doctor told me to stop the Sertreline straight away and started me on 30mg of Mirtazipine again. I've been on these for about 5-6 weeks now and I'm currently still off work sick due to how these tablets make me feel. I dread waking up everyday as it's always the same now matter what I do to keep myself occupied. I still have these suicidal thoughts and just want to disappear and things to end and it's draining. The Mirtazipine do help but I think it's because of the sleeping agent within these tablets which calm me and kind of knock me out to sleep for a few hours. I don't want to be on these anymore but I don't want to start any other medication as this type of medication usually takes 4-6 weeks to work and to be blunt occupational health stated last time that my employers could pay me off through ill health which doesn't help with my anxiety. I'm at a loss as to what to do now as every day it seems to just get worse. Sorry for the ramble and long story. I just wish i never took those 2 little tablets for a headache as that's what started all this as 2 tablets led to 80-120 + painkiller addiction a week.

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Paul I feel just the same as you, When I wake up in the morning, I cannot bear it. Another day to face and what am I going to do until 10pm at night when I can take another Mirt with a sleeping tablet.

    I've been on 15mg Mirt for 26 days, 30mg for 6 days and hospitalised as I couldn't face another day.  Been home for 2 weeks now and have had 45mg Mirt for 3 weeks. I am informed that it is still too early for these to have reached a therapeutic effect but how can I face another 3 weeks to see if they do have any effect.

    I will be thinking about you in the morning, wake about 5-6am, and wondering if you are still feeling the same. I will look on here when I wake up and maybe we can console each other.

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  • Posted

    Hang in there guy's. Try not to look to far ahead, break it down into little chunks, get through a morning ok, which you will do, then give yourself a oat on co and think we'll if I got through that and it was tough, well I can get through the next stage.

    We are all on here to help each other. If you need any help or to talk people on here will do what they can to help, very supportive place

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    • Posted

      Hi Mark

      Good advice.  This is the first day of doing what you advise. I have broken the day up into hour slots.  Not easy and I've not kept strictly to the timetable but nearly there.

      I think the mornings are always the worst.  It is another day to face but if you can have a plan of jobs/things to do, it gives you a focus.  I know to my detriment that getting up and sitting aimlessly thinking how I feel, be it afraid, despondent, panic stricken, restless, agitated, no motivation, no purpose.

      I am writing this to reinforce my own realisation that this is the way to get through until the tablets really help and you can rebuild your life. It is not easy, in fact I found it very difficult this morning to do it as I could easily have fell apart.

      I think a key point is not to look further than the day you are in,  Tomorrow is another day and yes, you may have to do all the same monotonous things again but it helps to stop those overpowering feelings.

      Thanks Mark for your support.  I find it really encouraging to see messages on this site. How long have you been on Mirtazapine and did it help you?

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    • Posted

      Hi June,

                  I don't usually wake up till 10.30/11am as the tableys knock me out and plus if I wake up earlier then that more hours in the day I've to be awake. I have a part time job which I'm currently off on sick but the hours I do there are 6am-9m but they wy I feel the now there is no way I'd be able to get up at that time in the morning. I'm hoping that I get phased back into work as that should helpt me with the sudden change of morning wake up. I've got another week and a half before I see the doctor who deals with this and I'm not sure if she will up me to 45mg or put me on something else as she knows that Mirtazipine don't help me that much but they do calm me down but the negative side of that is they put me too sleep no matter what time of day I take them and it's annoying as I don't want to wake up or do something as I'm so tired. I was regularly going to Narcotics Annonymous meetings but since being on the Mirtazipine I ain't been able to go as the last bus I can get to be on time is at 11.10am. How you feeling today ? I've got the kitchen to paint again as I gave it it's first coat of paint yesterday afternoon and I've got new flooring to put down in the kitchen too which I ain't done before so it'll be fun I think

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    • Posted

      Hi Paul

      I have read your post with interest.  The first time you were on Mirt 45mg, you were taking 15mg 3 times a day.  I understand that the lower the dose, the more sedating it is and so it is not surprising that you were tired/sleeping a lot of the day,  However, I can understand why you did it - it meant you were sleeping most of the time so that you did not have a lot of awake time for your thoughts and feelings to overcome you.

      I know its awful, I am in it right now myself. And the mornings ...... facing another day...... it's sheer hell.

      I am impressed that you are able to do some work in your kitchen, I would imagine it is so hard to focus on it and actually do it when you feel as bad as I know you feel.  Well done you. It seems that you need to keep busy which is supposed to stop the negative thoughts. I still think I feel lousy even when I'm doing something. 

      But we will get there Paul.  Keep posting

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  • Posted

    Hi June

    Was on mirt for 4 months, but after tapering, I am off it now. It did help a bit at first, almost straight away, especially with sleep which I have problems with, but after a while I got sooooo knackered and no motivation at all I had to stop taking it. But just coz didn't work for me doesn't mean won't for you. I am very anti drug's but had to give it a try and won't go onto anything else.

    Know EXACTLY what you mean bout facing yet another day, and it can be really tough ad it's a case of " oh no, here we go again another day" but breaking it down, and having little things to aim for, even things like say, nice cup of coffee. Some people aren't lucky enough to be even able to get up and do that, so it can be good to put things in perspective and be thankful for what we have. Easier said than done though I must admit, and if that easy we would all be ok, but little steps.....

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    • Posted

      Hi Mark

      Thanks so much for your honest reply.

      It is no easy ride especially for me at the moment. Every day is a battle with 'the green blob' as I have named it so can visualise it. I sincerely hope that instead of the negative thoughts which are in my head, I can see this horrible thing and hopefully tell it NO.

      I have been told by several people that the higher the dose, the less sedating it is.  I take a sleeping tablet as well so I am not relying on the higher dose Mirt.

      Like you, I am really anti drugs and hate having to take a tablet to get me right again but I had got to the point that I would have taken anything to stop me feeling like I did.

      Did you find that after a while on the drug that you didn't need to break your day down into slots and just 'normality' returned. Or do you still have to do that?

       

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    • Posted

      I just wish I wasn't on any medication. One thing i do alot when out and about is look at other people and think " You don't know how lucky you are being normal and happy " that's one thing I only want is to be medication free and able to deal with life and everything that comes my way. I'm just lucky i have a loving wife who has stood by me all this time and is understanding when there are days I don't even want to do housework or even walk the dog especially when I am suffering the shakes, headaches, panic attacks and the extreme anxiousness I get most days. I'm usually ok from about 1-2pm in the afternoon abut come 9pm all I would mostly want to do is take my last Mirtazipine and goto bed hoping that I can wake up earlier than my usual time but it never works out like that. What I don't understand is how one day/week I'm fine and everything is ok and then boom next day/week I'm at one of the lowest points I can be. I've actually told my doctor, specialist, boss and wife that since I came out of rehabilitation my life has went downhill and I coped much much better and more motivated on my Dhydrocodine....I do wonder sometimes if I'd be better going back on them even if it was for the rest of my life as life in general isn't all roses. i'm so ill I can't work and at my last occupational health meeting the woman said that sooner or later there will be a time where an ultimatum will come.....either get back to work or get paid off due to ill health which is putting a strain on me as I feel like I'm going to get pushed back to work but I know within myself that I'm not well enough to go back as I struggled last time at work on the medication and nearly walked out to no where in particular but I know that i would've tried ending my life as it ws coming to a point where my body was so tired of fighting and feeling so helpless and tired. Now I just take it a day at a time but me being me I think too much.....think about anything which is mostly negative things I know are going to be coming in the future.
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  • Posted

    I've just read your post and replying from my history with mirtazapine.

    Please - if you're having suicidle thoughts on mirtazapine you really need to get off. Do not take this lightly. You are having adverse effects. Antidepressant's should not make you feel this way.

    Get over to surviving antidepressant website and they will help you withdraw from this safely.

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  • Posted

    Withdrawel from the pain meds were your problem. These symptoms would have passed eventually - without antidepressants. Withdrawel sometimes times a long time - you were on them a while.
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    • Posted

      I've had depression since i was about 17 I'm 36 now and it's been on and off. My medication keeps conflicting with each other and the specialist doctor I see for my painkiller addiction is trying her best to get me on the right medication and stabalised on all my medication. I don't want to end my llfe that's the fight I have most days is the fighting to stop the thoughts. I don't talk about this stuff lightly or attention seeking I'm just an open and honest person......If you don't tell the truth then how can people help if they don't know what is exactly going on. I'm much better than i was a couple of months ago....a couple of times i was on the wire about to do something but I picked up the phone and phoned somebody...anybody and that helped me alot
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  • Posted

    June.

    I guess without thinking about it a lot of the time I do break things down into slots. In the last things that would cone easy I now break down into manageable chunks, and try and deal with the here and now. I can deal with the here and now and control it, but can't always control the future, you might be able to influence it in some way, but you sure can't change the past.

    Paul

    I really understand your fears and worries, but you don't know what's coming. You can make it a self fulfilling prophecy, but, you have a choice.Carry on with negative thoughts, or very slowly, start cutting yourself a bit of slack. You sound like you have a lovely caring wife. Many people would give there right arm to have that.

    My experience is that a lot of people who have a mental illness of some sort, are really caring, sensitive, good people. You should be proud of that. Unfortunately we tend to over anylise stuff WAY too much. All this is easy to say but hard sometimes to break the cycle. But you can. So what if it takes a few drugs to give you a kick start in the tight direction

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  • Posted

    There is no shame in taking the drugs, you or anyone else is not a failure for doing so. On the contrary you are brave for giving it a go and making an attempt to put things right. Give yourself a pat on the back and with the help of friends and yourself you will be ok, but it takes time, little steps before you run a marathon
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    • Posted

      Yeah I've already cut down on some of my mediction already myself because of how the Sertreline made feel and the specialist doctor agreed I done well cutting it by 1/4 and I am proud that i managed that. I'm seeing a psychologist aswell to help with my way of thinking. I know I'll eventually be back to myself but I also know it's goign to take months to happen. Your advice is good and I've taken it onboard just like any advice I recieve.
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