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I was addicted to certain painkillers for 5 years and the last 2 years of that I was under the guidance of my doctor and a specialist in addiction. I reguarly suffer from depression and when I cam out of rehabilitation past December everything seemed to be ok until a couple of weeks later my system started reacting to the withdrawal medication and the anti depressants ( Fluoxotine/Prozac ). The doctor prescribed me Mirtazipine and they did work for a while after I was upped to 45mg daily and I wouls split this into 3 15mg a day morning,noon and night but after a while I started feeling unwell and suicidal and from the moment I woke up I watched the clock until it was time to goto bed as that was the only way I could have peace. I got taken off these and put onto the highest dose of Sertreline but these tablets made me even worse and the suicidal thoughts were on my mind all day everyday and it was a constant battle to stop myself from doing anything.
After one appointment which I took my wife with me to the specialist doctor who deals with my recovery the doctor realised I was telling the truth about how I felt as my wife described everything to her. The specialist doctor told me to stop the Sertreline straight away and started me on 30mg of Mirtazipine again. I've been on these for about 5-6 weeks now and I'm currently still off work sick due to how these tablets make me feel. I dread waking up everyday as it's always the same now matter what I do to keep myself occupied. I still have these suicidal thoughts and just want to disappear and things to end and it's draining. The Mirtazipine do help but I think it's because of the sleeping agent within these tablets which calm me and kind of knock me out to sleep for a few hours. I don't want to be on these anymore but I don't want to start any other medication as this type of medication usually takes 4-6 weeks to work and to be blunt occupational health stated last time that my employers could pay me off through ill health which doesn't help with my anxiety. I'm at a loss as to what to do now as every day it seems to just get worse. Sorry for the ramble and long story. I just wish i never took those 2 little tablets for a headache as that's what started all this as 2 tablets led to 80-120 + painkiller addiction a week.
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