Recovery stories to give others hope ;)

I posted a success story here, but over Christmas had a set back, and so disappointed.  I honestly thought depression was leaving me alone.  sorry to post this, but does depression ever really go away? 

I think it does Anne. In fact I'm certain it does. I had 14 happy years without depression and anxiety hanging over me and although I am now in the grasp of a episode...I really do feel that I could of avoided it if I'd of only recognised the signs...which I should know by now.

Setbacks happen...People go months feeling great and then maybe have a couple of days,a few weeks maybe where they feel they have gone backwards. This isn't the case....All it means is that you are still recovering and for a while you have to accept that you may still on occasion have bad times. They are just blips. 

Even people without depression and anxiety have bad times,,,,but because we are still a little vulnerable and unsure,we tend to be a little more sensitive to the days and fear the worst. 

I would just accept that this is just how you feel for now. Try not to analyse it or try to put it right. Just go with it and keep telling yourself that it's just part of the ups and downs of recovery xxx

I think it is wonderful that you did not have depression for 14 years Gillian.  I am so sorry that after all this time you are feeling low again.  You were doing so very well. 

I can't even explain what happened to trigger this episode.  I was playing games on Boxing Day with a few people, most of whom I knew, and having a good laugh.  suddently from nowhere, as if someone pulled a switch, I felt myself withdrawing and getting tearful.  No reason to do that at all.  I would like to believe that this is just a setback, and I will get back to an even keel.

I still had anxiety after stoopoping santi depressants, which was my doctor's idea.  It had been 16 months of feeling I was recovering, and bam, here I am depressed again, and for no reason.  does not make any sense to me.  No warning signs, nothing. 

Dear Gillian I know you, yourself, are not well at the moment.  I know you are such a kind and understanding lady who always has such kind words for others here.  God Bless you and may you too feel better soon.

I do hope that you and I are able to write some words that show we are getting better and brighter. 

Anne. I'm doing just fine Hun.

There is another Gillian who you where all responding to on another post who is feeling very low right now...I think she's only been on the forums a few weeks. I responded to her to but I had a feeling that you where all thinking it was me the way you responded to her. It's not me...it's another Gillian  

I have spoken to you many times Anne....I've been on the forums quite a while now and always try to help.

Thats how I can assure you that what you experienced is just a little blip,not even a setback as such....just a few crappy days. Please be mindful that even people without depression and anxiety have crappy days but because we are still a little vulnerable,we tend to panic as soon as we feel that our boat is being rocked early in recovery.

If you just think calmly about it "ok today I don't feel to fantastic but that's ok,everybody has days where they don't feel fantastic"!!!! If you think that way instead of " oh no,it's happening again,I'm going to go right back there where I started"!!!

Its the feeling that accompanies them negative thoughts that make us feel so bad but if you just change that thought slightly to something more realistic,then your kind won't feel the need to panic. It will just accept that you are having a crapoy day but it's no big deal xxx

 

Sorry about all the typing errors.  My fingers go too fast!!  Are you sure you are fine? 

Starting the New Year in a positive frame of mind even though I am feeling low.  Yes you are right, everyone has bad days.  Life is a series of ups and downs.  You are such a positive person, well you sound positive, or is that a front? 

On the whole I am not a negative thinker, but I think we get like that when we have a set back.  So it is on with the positive thinking!!

Hope 2015 is a better year for you.  I feel you are like a friend now, and that is a nice feeling.  So many nice people here, which really does help.

Take care.

No Anne....I have days like everybody else where I'm scared and think that im doomed. The difference now is that I see a light at the end of the tunnel and I recognise bad days/weeks as just that. I can quickly go from feeling doom to changing my mind set to thinking,ok I feel horrendous but I'm in recovery and days like this will happen for a while. At one time I wouldn't of been able to change this thought process,I'd of been petrified.

I try to be positive for myself and everybody else but it's not a front,it's more from my past experience many years ago and knowing I got totally well and stayed well for many years.....so I can share that experience and give myself and others hope that even from rock bottom,there is a way out of this.

Even when I'm totally well from this episode,I will continue to try and help and reassure others because I know how scary it is,especially when all the stories you read sure negative.

In months to come,we will all be able to positivelycome here and tell others that we made it through. I can't wait for that day xxx

I like your thinking that you will be totally well after this episode, as you recovered before.  That has not happened to me.  Yes I have felt a lot better, but not what I would call recovered.  I have good and bad days.  sometimes for days or weeks I feel that depression/anxiety has gone, but then it returns. 

Like you I try to be really positive.  I have been so very ill in the past, that now, what I am feeling, is nothing compared to that.  Yes when we have been at rock bottom, the only way is up, I hope!!!

I do hope you will be totally well after you come through this episode.  Yes you and I hopefully can tell others that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.  I have been very low, but know I will never be that bad again. 

Like you, roll on that day when you and I can honestly say we are feeling good.

This is wonderful Kelee - thank you so much for sharing. It brought me to actual tears reading of others' struggles like this when I read your honest and heartfelt, yet calm, description here. Clearly someone who has been through much to get to this point.

Thanks again, and God bless you.

If you are still around here, i can relate, just need some help. I too had 14 years free of this.  Thenit struck, should have seen it coming, daughter in law had affair, left my son, i had major surgery then i went down.  I cannot seem to get back up and the antimdepressant route has fiven me some horrendous symptoms, they tried lots and no help.  I find the frustration of not getting better makes me anxious and i now need anti anxiety meds daily. Psych now wants to add in antipsychotic to augment anti dep not working.  Do i go down this route, i am not sure anymore about anything.  I cant visit dentist, hairdresser without anxiety. Even dr appts make me anxious.  Should i drop meds and just try it alone, so confused

Hey guys I'm new to this board and I'm the middle of my Fight with depression and anxiety. But I wanted to see ( not being rude or sexist in any way) if there are any men with stories of success? I only ask because of the macho factor and we are brought up to suck it up. Well I can't suck this up and wanted to see how you guys are successfully dealing with this problem

Hey there Tony, further down is a snippet of my story... I'm also a man(well I'm 19 haha) but feel free to pm me even if it's just to vent or have someone to listen to.

There's no shame in feeling the way you are, we're all humans and we all have our limits at the end of the day.

YES!!! 

I am living proof that it is possible. I suffered major depression, anxiety and agorphobia (all professionally diagnosed) which I suffered for two years - I am now no longer depressed, do not suffer panic attacks anymore or any symptoms of anxiety that I can't overcome and are not relatively normal (like anxiety felt when starting a new job) and of course no more agorphobia - that's how bad it got for me, I couldn't leave the house, lost my job and got myself into debt and impacted on my relationship and friendships. I self-harmed and couldn't control my emotions, having manic episodes. 

I felt that the happy person I used to be had died and I would never ever ever feel happiness again, like I was permanently broken and could only imitate happiness and not feel it. That emotion did not exist for me, not even slightly - the best things in the world could have happened to me and I would not have been able to feel any happiness. I used to wish so badly that I was my old self but I believed with all my soul and being that I could never be her again.

After falling deeper into the dark pits of depression for a time and only feeling angry and frustrated at myself (punishing myself even more) for not being able to cope with life, I finally hit a turning point.

My depression had begun when I was 15 and emigrated to Australia with my family leaving everything behind and losing my identity and my first love, family and friends. I felt so lost, this was the beginning of the most challenging time of my life. I moved around a lot, leaving my family behind and trying to find my happiness somewhere else. Eventually at 20 I found somewhere I wanted to settle, found a man and felt content for a while although still battling depression and anxiety. This toxic relationship drowned me and I was a shadow of myself. After 4 years of panic attacks and towards the end agorphobia and the worst point my depression reached (spending days at home crying) I found strength from somewhere deep inside me - this strength came when I made the decision to break up with my partner who had mental health issues too and was an alcoholic. Once I had decided to do it I felt a breath of life in my soul and felt sudden yearnings to leave everything behind and go to a new place and be happy by myself. Gaining my independance back gave me hope for my future. I wanted to give myself a new start and work on getting better. It took a month to sort through the break up (selling things, finding tenants to take over the lease, signing papers, saving money) and then I went to live with my parents in another state for two months while attending weekly counselling and medication, although I had a bad reaction (seratonin syndrome) and didn't stay on meds for long, the counselling was enough to fix my mind. Then, I picked where I wanted to go next and went. I am now 27 with an amazing man in my life, studying and working and enjoying fitness classes and being social.  

I began to feel happiness again in small amounts. This might sound odd for some people but because of the sickness my meds caused I chucked them in the toilet and this actually felt very therapeutic for me and really did help me feel strong. I was still depressed when I left my parents and moved away. It wasn't for another month in my new home that I started experiencing feelings of happiness again. It was beautiful, and recognising the emotion just intensified it! Each day I was feeling it more and more until it became normal and I didn't always notice it because it wasn't so unusual anymore. Then I remember waking up one morning and smiling and thinking, I'm so happy! I felt so excited to live! I was back!!... I'd actually recovered before this day but hadn't conciously noticed it. As time went on I realised I was feeling even happier than I had done that morning! (I would have been content feeling the intensity of happiness that I'd felt back then for the rest of my life but after time I'd realised it had just gotten even stronger and powerful). 

I live my life now probably happier than someone who has never been depressed because I can fully appreciate happiness. When you are in that dark moment you do completely and truly believe that you will NEVER feel good again and you will always have that pain inside you. Well, I am telling you now, you can overcome this, don't give up, just hold on, keep pushing, you are already so strong to have even begun to think about the steps you need to take to conquer this. Take everything bit by bit, don't expect too much from yourself, if you are able to identify the cause, change it and if you can't do that then work through it with professional help and lots of support. For me I had some things I needed to work through (one being my loss of identity) and other things to change (my relationship status).

I wish so much I could magically show someone that is in the darkest of pits just a glimpse of the happiness they will feel if they keep strong and fight and get help and beat their demons... The biggest wall for me was not believing things could get better, or even if they did like if I won the lottery, I wouldn't be able to feel happy anyway so what was the point?.. I didn't really believe I was going to be happy again even after I started getting help but the days got better and it wasn't that long until I was fully recovered. From the moment I broke out of my toxic relationship to the moment I knew I was feeling happy it was around 6 months and it feels great to look back on it now and see what I accomplished. All you have to do is take everything bit by bit and at your own pace, don't pressure yourself and suround yourself with help and support and you will be in my position one day sooner than you think.

You are not alone.

Hannah

I am scared. I have been in the hospital many times. Meds don't help me out. They seem to either help a little bit or they make me worse. I can't function anymore or work or feel enjoyment or pleasure or peace. Not even with my family. Not sure if this is how the rest of my life is going to be

I was in hospital too I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Meds didn't help me either hence the serotonin syndrome - I ended up in hospital with hyperthermia... one of the many symptoms and I had never felt so sick, weak and scared in such an overwhelming way before. The adjustment period when going on or coming off meds is awful anyway and anxiety is usually worse. It certainly was for me.

That horrible feeling of pain and hopelessness is only for a time. You can overcome it please try and have hope. It can and will go away once you start to get help. Finding the right psychiatrist/ psychologist for you is important. I saw a couple and thought it was useless until I found one that really helped me. Do you have someone you can talk openly to? It just takes little tiny steps and then the steps get ever so slightly easier every day that you try to help yourself. You should feel strong and courageous for trying to talk about your health and seek help. Well done... it isn't easy and you may feel like each time you try you get knocked back down but just keep trying cus I know you can get there. It doesn't matter if you have a bad day/ week it doesn't mean you are failing because you are still going and that shows so much strength. Keep trying to do a little more for yourself each day and don't feel bad about asking for help even if it seems ridiculous. I made my mum drive me to every therapy session because I couldn't drive and couldn't take the bus because it was a trigger for my anxiety. The people that love and care about you will do these things for you and if it helps.. I just told myself that once I was better I would find a way to thank her and it made me feel like less of a burden. If you have any questions just ask. I don't pretend to be some kind of expert but I just want to tell you that I promise it is possible for a full recovery!

But this has been going on for 2 years. What the heck? I have been in group therapy 2 times, and individual therapy for 15 months. And on a lot of medication in 2 years. This has definitely changed my personality. I used to be highly functional and active and happy. Not anymore

Can it still get better? 25 month's and still sick

Hi Hanna , im really glad that you have succesfully recovered from these terrible feelings. I'm in anxious and depresive state now, and i also had more severe anxiety due to a toxic relationship. I also felt like i have a issue of identity cause i wanted to change my self for the sake of the girl i was dating and it was devastating. im on Citalopram and i think im little better and also started to take from this days Omega 3-s cause i've heard that they help also on mentall isuess. Know i have more anxiety than depression and also i think now that in the future i wont be able to have a relationship beacause ill get anxious and panic attacks. Can these feelings of anxiety be reduced and to be "brave" to get involved again. i broke up last weekend. Advice or something from you if you can ... Thankssss

Also Hanna i became very possessive in our relationship and unsecure , that led to tremendous jelouse and then extreme anxiety which led me to depresion. i seriosly need some advice from you cause we are similar i some way. Thanks

hi,  your post was a while ago but i feel like you.  Hospital nomhelp. Made me feel worse, meds tried many but feel worse. Just existing.  Feel nausea each day, is it just anxiety or something else. No emjoyment from anything. Friends try to help suggesting classes but im too scared to go. Cant even get a haircut.  Have you improved. If so what was most helpful.