Regretful of past mistakes
Posted , 4 users are following.
To make a long story short I have been battling depression since I can remember. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment with no strong male role model so I had no clue on how to be a real man. Last year I ended a relationship with a women that adored me because I felt inferior and I was unable to emotionally be attachef to her and she picked up on this. Let's just say when I tried to reconcile she made up her mind to let me go and it broke my heart. This was last year and now these depressive feelings are back with a vengeance and I can't stop crying. I am just reminded of how weak I am and it makes me feel like like
crap. I really don't know how to shake this off and stop thinking about her and what life we could have had if I just had a healthier mind set at the time..... any advice?
1 like, 15 replies
Adldiane mconz84
Posted
Hello I Am so sorry that you are suffering so much. When we grow up in these dysfunctional families..we sometimes don't bond with at least one of our parents and then in adult years find it hard to bond with the opposite sex and even with friends. And it really stinks. But all is not lost. For me the answer was therapy and antidepressants. I worked hard on my family of origin issues and was quite young still when I got serious about doing this. It is not a quick fix but boy does it pay off in spades. I have the ability the attach today with people of my choosing and am very selective about the people that I chose to be close to. You can get better there is hope out there for your depression and anxiety. Of that I can assure you! Will you please..please keep us posted people here have suffered as you have and we will support you through your tough time. Diane
mconz84 Adldiane
Posted
I appreciate your response and I always had an issue with attachment but she tried to work with me and I just pushed her away and this still bothers me. I know people are going through more serious problems in their lives but I know deep in my heart I still have feelings for her and i wish i could go back in time to the first day we met to do everything right. I am 33 years old and I know I shouldn't be behaving this way but my heart still hurts.
Adldiane mconz84
Posted
Hi again. Well you are grieving the relationship and it sounds like you are taking all the responsibility for it breaking up and I just don't believe that one person alone is the responsible one. It takes two to make it work and it takes two to break it apart.
Will you consider getting some counseling and possibly getting on some meds? Keep writing in please. Diane
mconz84 Adldiane
Posted
borderriever mconz84
Posted
It is such a sad thing how mixed up we can be from childhood. The problem I had to come to terms with was the attitude of my Parents and that effected me for many years, this eventually made me move on from family when I retired and to be honest I now wish I had mover on sooner rather than later....
Only you can move on from past parent errors and understand they are only human with the same problems that they can pass down to their Children. You need to understand you are no less a man because of what had happened in the past and given that we need to make our own way to make our lives what we expect we want.
It took me many years to get over past errors, I was made a scapegoat for others life choices and I had to become more forceful to move on. Even then they would still try to disrupt my independence and that eventually spread to where I worked.
Stand strong and make your way, only you can push for the life you need and male aggression is something that many women would prefer not to be involved with. All you need is to be sensitive to the needs of your partner and never fail to make decisions together. I am married, my family problems stopped me having my own children because of things told to me by a disfunctional Father.
You are who you are move on and life your life the way you wish to
If you need CBT talk to your GP, remember Parents and family have their own luggage to carry, possibly from their own families, your Grandparents
BOB
mconz84 borderriever
Posted
I appreciate your response.... I still feel guilty and I just wish I could have told her how sorry I was in person instead of doing via email. I don't feel like a real man and I let my depression and anxiety ruin something that could have been special. I will never know now....
borderriever mconz84
Posted
It is never to late, you like someone, you like Her, go and get it, you contacted Her by Email, get te old keyboard out and go for Her. Christmas in the UK is a fantastic time to start a meaningful relationship.
I used to be very shy after I broke up with my Fiancee It took me two long years lost before I began to go out again with girls/women my age I was twenty three and I had wasted so much time.
I was shown how to dance by an old teacher from my old Secondary School and eventually I was out dancing three nights a week, it was a real babe magnet when dancing. Someting tat may be an idea, I do not know you so all I can say is enjoy your life.
BOB
Adldiane borderriever
Posted
Way to go Bob I'm a dancer myself I like your idea! Listen to Bob he can tell you a thing or two. Diane
mconz84 borderriever
Posted
I appreciate your response but I refuse to go back to the 'needy' behavior and try to rekindle a lost relationship. For all I know she could be in a stable relationship and I don't need to add more worry and stress into my life or hers. I have to grow now and make significant changes in my life so I can be an emotionally stronger man. I did send her an email this morning wishing her and er family a happy holiday but that is the best I can do right now. I am 33 now and sometimes I wish I joined the military years ago so I could have got the emotional sh*t beat out of me and be rebuilt as a new man. I have always had a "quitter" attitude which caused me to give up on a lot of great things in my life and I can't allow this to go on any longer.
Any advice is greatly appreciated and thank you.
borderriever mconz84
Posted
I took a course on Youth and Community Work, at Durham. I was classed as a Youth Leader/Community Worker and Instructor. I took Table Tennis and other various sport and the kids did very well and that helped me learn how to become more forceful in my attitude
BOB
Adldiane mconz84
Posted
mconz84 Adldiane
Posted
I am still trying to figure out why I behaved that way but I know I hurt her and she didn't deserve to go through that. I had her heart and I threw it away because of my immaturity...
Adldiane mconz84
Posted
Hi so glad to hear back from you. It's always a good thing to examine our own behavior and our part in any situation. But what we don't want to do is to get stuck in a place of beating up on ourselves. I'm not saying that you have had time to grieve but maybe you could get some help to move forward.
I do have one question. Have you talked to her to see how she feels about you since there has been some time apart? Just wondering. Please let us know how you are doing. Diane
mconz84 Adldiane
Posted
Thank you for responding and no I haven't talked to her since last January or February of this year and I don't think it would be a good idea to try and reach out to her again. She lost interest in me and I tried my best to salvage the relationship but it takes two to tango and I already had plenty of chances to turn myself around when we were together. I did apologize to her and told her how I felt so at least I was able to communicate this with her at the time. I even had flowers and a teddy bear delivered to her house for Christmas last year but now that I look back I was acting desperate and needy. I can't go back and try to rekindle what we had which is why it is imperative that I defeat the pain I am feeling and move forward with my life and self improvement.
Adldiane mconz84
Posted
Hi again I so admire the fact that even though this is very painful you are facing it head on. Which in my experience is the fastest way to get through extreme pain. Everyone has to have their own criteria about their own emotional well being..mine is when I find myself "stuck" off I go for therapy. I now know better I have had help and I can never settle for second best internally again I suffered for too many years before I knew better. Please keep writing us. I think that you know how much we care. Diane