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Relapse again

Posted , 10 users are following.

Paper_fairy
Paper_fairy

hi guys. Got through a few weeks sober plus flu. At parents for a week . They went out and I knew I had to drink. Tonight. Had a sherry and a bootle of white wine . Enjoyed it which is not good. I don't think I can ever give drink up for ever. Think I will always have to binge sometimes. Love being sober but have to get out my head sometimes. Let you how I feel tomorrow x

1 like, 21 replies

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  • Toooo_
    Toooo_ Paper_fairy

    Posted

    I know exactly what you mean, I was thinking that today, that I give up on trying to have life long sobriety! It's just really hard, I've been off the drink for nearly 2 weeks, but ive relapsed that much that it's hard to imagine ever stopping forever.

    How long had you not drank for prior to this?

    • peter30685
      peter30685 Toooo_

      Posted

      Hi Tara and everyone,

      Early days of not drinking can be both a novelty and very, very difficult. I relapsed loads of times in a short period of time. I then started to meet other alcoholics who told me their stories; they were, more or less, the same as mine. I knew then that I wasn't alone.

      I stopped thinking about a lifetime of sobriety and just tried not to drink one day at a time. It's one of the things that's worked for me. Thinking about sobriety long term puts more pressure on us.

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 peter30685

      Posted

      Hi Peter. SOunds like you are dong very well. Has it been long for you not drinking. YOu are being very honest about relapse and give great advice to Tara which is nice. Regards Robin
    • peter30685
      peter30685 Robin2015

      Posted

      Thanks Robin,

      I got to learn to learn that to be honest in all things (perhaps little white lies excluded - I'm not perfect ha ha)....... I never will be.

      I really don't have or put much store by birthdays of sobriety...... I take it one day at time and although I'm getting on a bit now, I try to keep busy.

      It's about 25 years now but the only things that matter to me about that are that I have more respect for myself and am able to get on with life sober.

      It's meant many sacrifices and a change of lifestyle in many aspects and sometimes it's been tough, tough, tough.

      I believe it's up to every self confessed alcoholic to choose the path that's best for them. I went to A.A. First time, the Samaritans took me.I was absolutely out of my tree. I went to a few more but I still hadn't had my last drink so I stopped going.

      Second time I went...... about a year later (about) I accepted the truth about my drinking and stopped making excuses. I learned so much.

      I would say that even if alcoholics don't want to go, at least try to read some of the literature.

      It's a myth to say that it's all about God and religion.

      Best Wishes, Happy New Year and thanks again for your reply. Peter.

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    I hope you can manage not to drink "today" you were at a very low level like I was.  I identified with you so much....and I'm scared for you and ME.

    Yes, it feels good to get out of your head.  Do you live alone?  I ask because the other night when I drank...my boyfriend said I was asleep with the light on.  I DO NOT SLEEP if the smallest light is on.

    ​He said he was banging on door...normal I jump at the slightest sound...He said he gained entry to room and woke me up...I was startled he said...I REMEMBER NONE OF IT.

    ​I'm grateful he told me that...because I totally am scared by all of that...and know I can't just have a few ever...that doesn't mean I WONT...just saying when someone scares me like that...I REALLY SHOULD THINK ABOUT IT.

    ​Cause you were doing so bad...and went thru a taper....I don't want to see anyone suffer like that...ever again...

  • sue08
    sue08 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    ahh that is the worse part .. we feel much better sober but when we drink we enjoy, at least we think we do ... until it all comes back around then right back at it sad

    you are not alone in what you feel and yes you can give it up for good... with help paitence time and support smile

    Dont ever give up !!!!!!

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 sue08

      Posted

      So true sue..I did it for 8 YEARS...not a drop.

      But, since I relapsed..its very hard to get any significant amount of time.

      ​And it is so baffiling...that I DO feel so much better sober.....and then right after I drink I always regret it...especially when I have to go thru the hangover....and its either go thru the hangover OR drink again.  That is the cycle I could just avoid....we could just avoid....if we didn't drink.

       

  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    You tried! Let us hope today is better...My first day off drinking was EXACTLY 3 yrs ago....yes, did drink a LOT (again) on 30th Dec 2012 but stopped 31st Dec next day. You can do it. Do not think back. Let us know pls. Our thoughts are with you. Robin
  • peter30685
    peter30685 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Hi P/f and everyone,

    I used to think the same way about binge drinking.... we stay sober for awhile then reward ourselves with booze.

    To maintain sobriety, it's useful to change our way of thinking. In fact - it's essential.

    Best Wishes to all.

  • Toooo_
    Toooo_ Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Hi.

    I hope today goes well for you!

    OMG Missy I totally relate to what you say about drinking or facing the hangover!! ALOT of the time I choose to continue drinking bcus I can't face the next day after drinking! Then the next & the next it is a vicious cycle.

    I strongly believe alcohol is a drug that should be illegal it destroys more lives than ppl on heroine!

    But I guess it is helpful to take one day at a time instead of thinking of a lifetime without alcohol but then it's so disappointing when I do 4,5,6 months & then drink. Now I feel like what's the point in even trying any more

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 Toooo_

      Posted

      Yea Tar4...I woke up Monday after drinking Sunday with a cotton mouth...a head that just felt OFF...and my first thought was...WELL..If I drink a beer I will feel "better" the head fog will go away and MAYBE I can just have a few. 

      ​I knew that was NOT the case.  I knew if I went and got beer I would drink ALL day.  Thankfully, I had a therapist appointment that day and didn't want to miss it.  And forced myself to go thru the hangover.  Which honestly...wasn't that bad after about the first 4 hours of the day.  After that...after drinking some water....eating an egg...taking a vitamin...that dry mouth and foggy head did disappear.  I really never went thru that before because I always drank right away because I hated that feeling...Once I got thru it....I was like OK...I'm a little tired....and thirsty...but did'nt drink because of appt. I was glad that night when I went to bed that I didn't drink.  And because I didn't drink that 2nd day....I havent' drank since.

      ​And...that means I'm not on a BINGE...and that means I don't have to go thru horrible withdrawals.

    • peter30685
      peter30685 Misssy2

      Posted

      Well done for dealing with the hangover. The older I got, the less I could handle it; I had to drink very early to handle the bad feeling and stop shaking.

      I remember one day, I had enough whisky left to get sober enough so I could get to the bank to draw out a bit (I didn't have much) as I knew I'd need more whisky. I had to wait until the bank opened of course. I just had enough money to get the bus to town repeating myself over and over and over what to say when I got there.

      On the bus, I practiced what I was going to say again; in the bank, I asked for six cans of Carlsberg, a litre of Teachers and two packs of Embassy. In the off licence, I asked to draw out 50 quid....... ha ha.

      Can you imagine? Sounds funny now but those were desperate times.

      Well, Best Wishes for 2016. Peter

    • peter30685
      peter30685 Toooo_

      Posted

      Hi Tar4,

      Please don't give up, you'll get there if you try hard enough and get as much help as you can; most of us have relapses. There's no point in banning alcohol; aloholics will get it from anything that contains it when we're desperate. Meths, white spirit, after shave, shoe polish, brasso, mouthwash etc, etc. loads of stuff contains it. I don't want to put ideas into your head but that's how bad it can get.

      White spirit with milk is common for chronics (called Jack!) - then death occurs in most cases.

      I've wrapped up empty bottles of Aramis in towels to try to smash them with a hammer to lick the glass. It can get pretty grim.

      There are more enjoyable things to do to enjoy life and take your mind off drinking. How great to wake up without a hangover with a clear conscience.

      Try your best, we all need help. Best wishes. Peter.

  • peter30685
    peter30685 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Hi P/f,

    Being sober is much better than being off your head although that's all I ever wanted to do. Eventually, it was 'hair of the dog time'; I didn't even like the taste after I'd had a bottle of whisky. The first drinks (there's never just one) were always pleasurable but then it was a case of just getting p***ed.

    A few weeks sober is great - one day is! So try it just one day at time.

    I know what it's like..... I had loads of relapses and thought the same as you.

    For some alcoholics, it takes a long time before the last drink.

    Don't berate yourself for relapses and don't let anyone else give you a hard time; unless you've been there, you don't know what it's like. Just think about why you did it and how you can avoid it the next time you want a drink.

    Best Wishes and good luck. keep talking to us on here......... funny thing is, if you're really out of it, you won't be able to use keyboard or smart phone. ha ha.

    One day at a time my friend! Please don't forget, you help me as does everyone on here.

  • Radley13
    Radley13 Paper_fairy

    Posted

    Hi Paper Fairy I haven't been on for a while - sorry to learn of your relapse -  I really thought I could live with the odd glass - no it just hasn't worked - It's like Jekyl and Hyde - time to re-visit abstinence starting today and take a day at a time.  It is my decision and the only way forward so New Year and a Fresh Start.  Hope you are feeling better today - stay strong x
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