Relapse and Partner who is still drinking

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Hello There,

What happens now that your partners appears to be one of the triggers?

I drank over the weekend for the first time in 3 months, yes I have been beating myself up but thinking also that it is actually "easier" for my partner if I drink.

I am in a long distance relationship and we spent 6 months getting to know each other on the bottle. She moved away to another City, we were arguing and things were getting nasty.

I finally decided to give the booze up 3 months ago. I would never have expected her (or anyone) not to drink in front of me and never expected her to change her habits. After 3 months sober I am seeing alot clearer. Comments like oh I wish we could go down the pub and have a drink (this comment being the final one on Saturday and I relapsed) now I am not passing blame on her for this.

The last 3 months with my partner have been difficult where I have remained sober and she has got quite nasty when she is drunk.

Is it possible to maintain a relationship when one is determined to be sober and the other is not? She has said she will look at her drinking and I do know she has to do it for herself and when she is ready.

We have been together for under a year but I do love here. The more sober and confident I am feeling in myself, the worse things seem to become between us.

Saturday shouldn't have happened for me but it did and I will move on and continue my abstinence. Is it then a question of extracting my partner from my life?

Thank you

1 like, 12 replies

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    I was kinda in the same situation. When I quit he made all kinds of nasty commets I had to decide to move on. Now I am taking me time. I know I can not drink and when we first met I think we were drinking buds than anything.

    i am not saying this is the same for you but its what I had to do. 

    Good luck to you smile

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    • Posted

      Thanks for sharing Sue, yes I am thinking that way too smile Best wishes!
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  • Posted

    Firstly well done for being sober for 3 months. Secondly don't beat yourself up about picking up, the majority of us do and I think most would agree they would have done under the same circumstances. I think you're very brave having to struggle with a partner who drinks and puts you under so much pressure. I couldn't cope with it and I'm grateful that my partner doesn't drink. I think you should have a long honest chat with her about it and see if she will try too. If she can't I worry that you will be lead back into heavy drinking again which you don't want to do. Explain you want her to seriously try too for her own health as well as your own.
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    • Posted

      thank you Paper fairy. She does say that she should cut down etc but never seems to happen. I don't think she is putting pressure on me on purpose but it is an easier option for her right now to keep drinking I think. I am so determined to stay off it and the better I feel the clearer I see. Perhaps at this point, it's not a good time to have her in my life. It's hard enough as it.Have a nice day and thanks 
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  • Posted

    fantastic for 3 months and no drink. You are in hard place and cannot win. Perhaps re evaluate your relationship and make a plan?? She certainly has to grasp the situation and how hard you worked to achieve this. also: you seem to be able to have a few drinks after 3 monhts and then stop again!! That is even better and FABULOUS. Well done again!
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  • Posted

    Without her changing her behavior as well, I doubt that it will work out in the long time. Congratulations on getting sober. :-)
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    • Posted

      I think you may be right Melanie sad I have relapesd in a big way at least times since I wrote my in intial post. She is simply mot ready to give up which puts us in very diferent places. A serious change is i order and I need to break free and get back on track sad It's a choice now between her or my life |sad thank you xx
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  • Posted

    The cunningness of this disease is that you can want to stop and be unable to...you had a good run going on with the 3 months and now the demon is back full force.

    I KNOW....I drank the past year...ended in hospital 4 times...it was only the last time I got the DONE feeling...all the other 3 x it wouldn't come back to me.

    Say alot of prayers...go to some meetings.....until you get that DONE feeling again...So sorry your suffering with this demon disease.

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    • Posted

      Yes it's a bummer because all the while my partner is drinking the less determined I feel. I felt in a good place about a month ago but will come to terms she simply doesn't care if she's not ready. I have to accept that and vote sobriety! She has to go x
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  • Posted

    Hi, have you both heard of The Sinclair Method . It has been discussed many times on this forum. If your partner is willing to give it a go the drug Nalmefene is now available through the NHS. Read up about it and have a chat with your partner. She would not have to give up alcohol but it will give some control over her drinking. Many people do give up drinking on this method.

    https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

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  • Posted

    Hi

    Go to Alcholics Anonymous every day

    Let her go

    Get yourself well

    Look forward not back

    Your life will change for the better 100%

    Don't drink one day at a time even if all he'll breaks loose

    Go to AA

    Keep going , I did I was just the same as you

    It's a fantastic life don't throw it away

    I nearly did

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    • Posted

      Thanks Phils. Nicely written and put. Been relapsing consistently but still have the seed to quit. You are very right! Let her go. The extent of emotional abuse and neglect I am getting now (or allowing myself to get) are sky high. Time for a plan. Thanks again xx
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