Posted , 4 users are following.
I am a definate alcoholic. I never deny it, alocohol scares the sh*t out of me because I can drink like no one i know . It isnt a joke to me, my drink,. I am 35 years old. I have been drinking 24 years. I am a mother , a great mother, but if I start drinking, I dont stop and then slowly day by day, everything around me will lose its importance. house cleaning, cooking, hygiene. I just stop caring about anything but my vodka. I had quit many times , sometimes for a few years. this last time I quit, was january 2013. I was sober all year of 2014 until my birthday in november. And off I was again. non stop every day , and I control it so as to not get 'drunk' but it doesnt matter, you always get drunk. I was getting sicker I knew this, I also know I had to friggin stop. I dont like alcohol, I friggin hate it. ! but I an alcoholic , so I DRINK it! a week ago today I woke up and decided I wont drink today, I will stop this damn roller coaster again. and man was I sick, very sick as I had been drinking the whole week. alot of vodka, alot of money gone down the drain. My oldest daughter is 14 and she knows what I am, it saddens her just as much as it saddens me... I spent the whole day last saturday , head in the toilet , and shaking very badly. Been here many times, and its so sad to feel this sick. I made the choice again to stop. And its only been a week now that I have decided not to drink, its so damn hard to make that decision, but once I do, I DO! I am a very strong woman, a stay at home mom for many years. I have 6 children, and I love my life and my kiddies more than anything. I do this on my own, staying sober, I used to go to AA but i cant at the moment , which is ok. I went to my doctor and finally admitted my depression and anxiety issues. She started me on Mirtazipine. I am hopeful that dealing with my depression will help me deal with not leaning on the DRINK when ever i feel hopeless. Its all Ive got, is to be hopeful and stay positive. Lord knows I can drink, but I dont want to....I cant drink like most people, I knew this long ago.
I friggin love being sober,
I hope the ones out there suffering at this moment know that there is a way, and that way is inside yourself, look around you, see what you have and love it. Love YOURSELF!
that is all
5 likes, 12 replies