Relationship anxiety

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Hi I'm looking for a bit of advice on relationship anxiety. I'm a 28yr old single mum to 2 children and I have been with my partner for nearly 2 years. I have always suffered anxiety but lately it is driving me to despair and I don't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend is a lovely man and he is great with my kids but I'm adamant he is going to leave for someone better. We don't live together but have discussed finding a new place together next year.

Last year one of his female friends tried it on with him and he politely turned her down but I have it in my head she is going to contact him again and he is going to realise she is a better match than me and I'm constantly worrying he is texting her when we're not together i driving myself round the bend! I hang in every word he says and I'm always wondering if he still loves me and wants me when he goes quiet and seem to look at the negative things that happen in the relationship instead of the positives.

I'd love to hear from anyone with any advice on what to do. I don't want to push him away. Thanks for reading: )

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone in feeling like this.. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and im always worrying, what if he is on fb talking to girls, what if he has a girl in my bed while I'm at work, what if he really isnt at work and so on and so on.. it got so bad that i wont let him go the gas sation by hisself cause i'm scared he has something with the girl working in there. Its VERY hard to deal with.. i was to scared to post anything about me feeling that way on here until you posted this.. I'm unsure how to stop feeling this way, but up until i read this post i felt like i was the only person in the world who felt like this. your not alone, if you ever need to talk about it you can message me.

    do you ever just obsses on those thoughts until you have to ask him about it? i do..

    My boyfriend also says im always looking at the negative instead of the postitive too.. which hurts me, we cant help that our brains our wired diffrent..

    P.s. I'm sure you are a great mother, and he loves you every much, he is still with you and willling to work through it because he knows how amazing you are..

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    • Posted

      Thankyou for your reply it is comforting to know I'm not on my own with these feelings. I definatley do obsess on thoughts but generally don't bring them up with him because I don't want him to think I'm crazy.

            I often make up scenarios in my head and tell myself things are happening when they're not it really is driving me mad!

            I spent 9 years in my previous relationship and the for the majority of that time I was unhappy so now I'm happy I keep telling myself something is going to go wrong(negative thoughts again).

      If you want to chat feel free to message me smile

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  • Posted

    dear amy,

    you really have let a harmless situation escalate into a potentially alienating one.

    You should try trusting your boyfriend. I know it is hard but it is important for your survival together otherwise you may push him away with constant distrust of his intentions.

    You need to have a heart to heart chat and get the subject discussed and over with so that you can both be happier together. OK

    Richard

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply too Richard. I did actually have a good cry with him last night but it took me about an hour to explain what was wrong which I told him was how scared I am he is going to leave me he obviously tried to reassure me but I do feel people who don't suffer with anxiety sometimes think it's just irrational worrying which it kind of is. If only I had an off switch!
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    • Posted

      I dont feel like its about trust.. I trust mine, or I wouldnt be with him, the thoughts just take over sometimes.. A heart to heart talk may help, but that didn't help the anxeity about it go away, atleast it didnt for me, but everyone is diffrent.
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    • Posted

      That's the thing with me it's the wave of crazy thoughts that just creep in and won't go away no matter who I talk to. I'm thinking of referring myself for CBT because medication only masked the problem I need to get to the root of it I think.
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  • Posted

    thanks for the replies,

    all I was trying to get at was to get you both talking and you did so if you get all anxious again it always helps to discuss things.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    Hi Amy

    Just came across this over a google search for why I had certain thoughts about really weird things that just come up from nowhere.

    I hope that with time you're better now?

    I thought I'd give you the male version of what I go through sometimes.

    I too have the odd random thought of my GF cheating or leaving me etc etc...

    I don't know why I think these things?!? She is literally perfect and the best thing to come into my life. There's no way shes cheating or messaging other people inappropriately so I don't know why I constantly think this sort of stuff!

    I trust her fully as well so this isn't about a 'Trust issue'

    But after speaking to my friends and really thinking about it, I realise my past relationships have affected this.

    Feelings of where they've made me feel unworthy or not good enough for them make me think that maybe thats how it will be with her.

    Do you think your past has brought this to light?

    I shake my head sometimes and try to brush off these 'feelings' and when I'm with my GF, I'm perfectly fine. However, the odd occasion, I'll think of some random scenario where I'll end up hurt or whatever and I don't FULLY understand why.

    I actually never linked how I felt with the word 'Anxiety' so thank you for making me realise I do suffer from a little bit of it.

    Anyway, I hope you're doing better given time on this.

    Take care

    Sol

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