Relationship Anxiety

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help!

I seem to be in a distructive pattern and I need some advice/talking to! I've always been insecure, I have serious self esteem issues and am sensitive to others beyond belief. I read up on relationship attachment syndromes and it does seem i an hypersensitive, over attach and cause my own issues - thats great to know but doen't help me sad

My partner and I have been together over a year, not a huge amount of time but ALOT has happened. We are both older (40s), have had a number of serious realtionships that have failed (one of mine was abusive). 

We were doing well, move in, talked marriage, all was good. then I started to think osmething was worng all the time, that he was p*ssy with me. He wasn't. But me pushing it would result in a row. I'd expect him to leave, he wouldn't but I push and push. 

its got to the point that I'm so anxious that he will leave, that I'm making it happen. I'm picking up signs that he's unhappy daily - and then we row about them. He's not perfect, he could do more to make me feel secure, BUT i know that its 99.9% in my head and that its me pushing him away. 

How do I stop those thoughts taking over? HOW do I trust he loves me?

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    You have to get help for your issues. Outside help. You cant wish it away. Anxiety disroders are very hard on the person having them and draining on the people dealing with them. It will be destructive to ignore it all and continue your behavior. 
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  • Posted

    He wants you all calm and wants it immediately.lol tis a man.  Men think differently on the whole. He sees the problem and to him meds are the fix. They might be at some point, i dont know. You see a psychologist first, they cant perscribe meds lol. That way they can diagnose you and figure out the best line of treatment for you. If they feel meds then youd have to listen and your doctor would help with that. Maybe therapy is enough really. If your moods are up and down a lot it might end up not just as anxiety, you might have something else going on as well but thats for the psychologist to assess. Dont be scared of treatment. Nothing is written in stone anyway you can choose what treatment you want.

     

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    • Posted

      Yeah thank you. I think he is trying to help but all I hear is 'take meds, get help or I'm gone'

      I've tried explaining it to him, but I'm sure he thinks it's me getting a kick out of a fight. He has changed without a doubt, but I don't know if hes changed because of my behaviour or my behaviour has changed because of him. He says he loves me. He says he wants to stay and he's had ample opportunity to go but never taken it. Now I knw his sister is telling him I'm too controlling, no idea why I barley see her! So that's in my head too

      I'm a mess

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    • Posted

      I think a few things are intertwining within you. I kind of think you know it too. I bet you know a lot more about yourself and your fears and your desires then you admit. this help is a gift to yourself. If you removed the layers anxiety, fears, issues off of you you might realize you have dreams and desires that you were ignoring before. You might change yourself. Relationships have to be mutual to work. Give and take and all that good stuff. Its not ine persons job to hold up the other or fix them, this is a one year relatiinship only, so if it works great and if it doesnt then that means theres something better for you out there. Either way, no matter who you date or are with you need to be your own best friend first and love yourself first and i dont think you do right now. That needs some therapy to correct that. 
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  • Posted

    Your idea of antidepressants is wrong, you thinking you'll be "drugged up" is false they're nothing like they once were, you're exactly the same but without issues. Antidepressants nowadays now work by helping how your brain produces certain chemicals and which area they go, you're not a zombie and your personality will not change in the slightest unless they're extremely intensive which they definitely won't be, especially for anxiety. You really need to see a GP because nothing but professional medical help can fix this. Don't disregard the GPs advice and if you need antidepressants then you need them. If your ill you treat that illness with the right medication whether it's a physical or mental illness. Best of luck

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