RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY. !! HELP

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Hi. Really struggling and would appreciate any help or advice. All my anxiety is from relationships it makes me cry just writing this ! I had shall we say not the best starts in life and wss adopted as a baby. I have a great family and I feel really lucky. Can always remember feeling anxious from being 5 onwards. Anyway my first severe anxiety came days after getting married at age 23. It was awful and although I was in the marriage 13 years The whole marriage I was anxious around him which made me feel may be this isn't the right relationship for me ! Nothing would have stopped me marrying him it all felt the right thing to do ! I had many bf so don't jump at first guy I genuinely want to be with who I am with. I am in another relationship now ten years and again I am always anxious around him. Always anxious may be this isn't for me ! When I am not anxious which isn't that often I wouldn't be snuggled up to anybody else and wonder why on earth I ever feel anxious around him. Hardest thing is I can't and don't like to tell him. He is great and when I get anxious over my children I can tell him and he is supportive but when it's about him he takes it personally and upsets him so I guess I am posting here cos I can't talk about it. People who don't have anxiety would say it's not the relationship for you but it's the anxiety around it as I no it wouldn't matter who I was with I would feel this way. I get it really bad over my kids too and it's really getting to me because this is my home and safe place. I am less anxious at work it's the home environment that's my trigger which is where I should be happy ! Slightest little tiff can make me spiral with anxiety beyond belief ! Anyone help xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Gill,

    ​I can relate to how you feel. Had a very secure start in life but struggle in relationships all the same. Sounds like you have a supportive and understanding husband which is good. Only to be expect that he gets upset if you turn the anxiety onto him and the relationship.

    Have you read any articles on Ralationship OCD? Looki it up.

    ​How can we ever be 100% certain we married the right person or made the right decision. Doubt is part of being human but for some of us it is consuming and we chew it over and over until there is no good to be found.

    ​Have you considerede or are you on medication? Can take the endge off the feelings and let you thinking a little more rationally about them. NOt a cure and not an immediate fix. You also have to be careful to get a doctor who listens and knows their stuff. It may beyond the capcbilities of your GP.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for replying I am feeling very alone on this and scared ! No not aware if relationship ocd stuff will look it up. I think that if my hubby was right I wouldn't have anxiety but that's cos I am anxious today if I wasn't I wouldn't think that or be posting on here. When I am not anxious I feel a very lucky person I churn it over like you say looking for reasons as to why just him walking in and make my anxiety spin. Same with my teenage kids I feel rubbish at close relationships. I do think like you , your proof it's not necessarily my start in life i think anybody can have any type of anxiety it's just there. How do you get through are you married ? How does your other half cope. X
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  • Posted

    Yup, anxiety is a sneaky SOB. I am married and didn't get married until later in life due to relationship anxiety. Anxiety in one shape or form has been lurking in my personality for many many years.

    ​Got so fed up with relationship anxiety I decided to be celebate. Concentrated on work because I was good at that and enjoyed it. Became moderately successful. Good job, well paid in a good company. The anxiety appeared and slowly ate away my confidence and enjoyment of work. My brother had bought a farm, so I thought "Hey, jack in the job. Go work on the farm, out in the open without any cares."

    ​Big mistake. The anxiety was there and showed up in other ways. Anxiety will always find a way to express itself. As I said, it is a sneaky condition, will make you believe back is white.

    ​You actually have your answer right there. You said that when you're not anxieous you know how lucky you are. You have got to treat the anxiety. Get it out in the open and discuss it with someone you feel safe and comfortable talking to. SOmeone totally disconnected from you. Your GP will have the number of a service you can call. It is free and confidential.

    ​Your GP could also prescribe some medication to help. AMitriptyline works best for me, but might not be right for you. Beta blockers help withthe physical sensations of anxiety. All part of a solution, if only to help you see the wood for the trees.

    ​Seek help. Talk it through. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your husband, but the anxiety relating to your early life, is doing its best to disrupt it.

     

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    • Posted

      Thanks. Think anxiety does show itself other ways and sneaks out I hate it so so much. I am not married to fearful it Wouod make my anxiety worse as it did when I was 23. My life is good in so many ways apart from this condition Thanks for replying just feeling overwhelmed with it just now
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    • Posted

      Have you considered counseling? Sounds like you could benefit from it even if you husband didn't want to participate.  Seems you are possibly dealing with issues from past relationships?  Possibly your husband is not understanding of your condition. This is what sense from what you posted?  When you go see your doctor possibly have him check your thyroid with blood work.  It appears to me this could possibly be physiological.  Our thyroids control and maintain our bodies chemisty, hormones, etc.  This would be worth checking. 
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