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Relationship Issues

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Natnat89
Natnat89

I hadn't been in a relationship for almost 4 years when I met my current boyfriend. I was diagnosed with bipolar about 5 years ago. I'm pretty good at handling myself when it's just me but I'm having problems keeping it together around my boyfriend. He has a 3 year old daughter and insists that we sleep in separate beds when she's over for fear of setting a bad example. Keep in mind, we currently live together. At first, I was handling it okay. Now, it's really getting to be an issue. I'm tired of being evicted from my own bed every time his daughter comes over since she sleeps with him. I feel like it's negatively affecting our relationship. He says I'm being overly sensitive and accuses me of being jealous of his daughter. I don't know if this is how I'm coming across. My family keeps asking if my bipolar is coloring my vision and how I'm perceiving things. I've upped my medicine dose and have spoke with other people about the issue. I don't think my bipolar has anything to do with it. My boyfriend tells me I need to take my meds because I'm acting crazy. I know what I feel but everyone is blaming it on my bipolar. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't want to break up with my boyfriend but I've expressed how lonely and isolated I feel when we are sleeping apart. Just an fyi, sometimes we have her for weeks at time so it isn't short term all the time. Nothing is changing. I'm starting to dread when his daughter does come over because I know what's going to happen. It's nothing against her, it's just that I despise the sleeping arrangements. Not to mention he doesn't discipline for bad behavior which doesn't help. I love him and his daughter to death but I get so depressed when she's over because of everything so it's really difficult for me to bounce back and it usually takes a while before I feel normal again. Can someone please help? Is this really my bipolar messing with me or are my feelings about the whole situation valid?

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • wendy85295
    wendy85295 Natnat89

    Posted

    Hi Nat

    From reading what you have written about your problem situation it sounds to me like it's everyone taking the easy route out and blaming your bipolar.

    I would probably feel the same way you do about being forced to give up my bed, especially for weeks at a time.

    If it was me, I would speak to my boyfriend about how much it upsets me (and why) and explain that you love him and his little girl to bits but it is adversely affecting  your mental health.  You are obviously not jealous as you can calmly talk about it here, and rationalise.

    Don't be made to feel guilty just because you have this condition... I find that my family are the worst culprits at saying to me "have you had your meds?" if I get upset about something which I have every right to and it really cheeses me off to put it politely!  So I know where you are coming from on that score.

    Maybe you can try again to talk to your boyfriend about it all.  I'll bet that he wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot.  At age 3 his daughter is quite old enough to have her own bedroom and as for setting a good example as an excuse if he is really bothered about that why is he living with you in the first place?  He can't have his cake and eat it!!

    Hope what I have said helps in some small way.

    Best wishes

    Wendy

    x

     

    • Natnat89
      Natnat89 wendy85295

      Posted

      Thank you for your response Wendy, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who gets the whole "meds" comment. It really fires me up when that's said. I have talked to him and since his daughter is here this weekend, he's agreed to talk about everything when she leaves. Thank you for agreeing with me and validating my feelings. It's so hard when you have a mental disorder because it feels like your feelings get discounted at times. It's definitely a conversation I will be having with him after the weekend.

      Thank you for the feedback,

      Natnat

    • wendy85295
      wendy85295 Natnat89

      Posted

      Hi Natnat

      Glad u felt some comfort to know u r not alone with yr feelings. And also good to hear you n yr boyfriend will be having a heart to heart. All the best with that. Let me know how it goes?

      Best wishes

      Wendy

      X

  • BadNewsBrain
    BadNewsBrain Natnat89

    Posted

    Hi Nat. I'm a bipe, and also a psychologist, and tho high-as-a-fly right now I'll do my best to get to the point. The one thing that improved my condition more than any meds or shrinks was gettting into a loving relationship with someone special after years of loveless messed-up relationships. Having someone who understands you and loves you for who you are makes all the difference. So: your boyfriend insists you sleep separately when his 3-year old daughter is there, and doesn't offer her proper healthy discipline.  Of course I would need to know more, but on the face of it I have to say its your boyfriend who has the problem here, not you. If he wants his daughter to appreciate and learn about adult relationships, he needs to show her that means Daddy and his partner sleep in the same bed because that's what adults do when they are in love (sex doesn't need mentioning - just love).  And he also needs to enable you to offer his daughter agreed-upon guidance and supervision, especially since he seems to have problems in this department.  My advice is that you you needs to convince him that he should empathize more with your condition, especially to understand that your moods can make you very sensitive emotionally, and that you need him next to you at night. If he doesn't change, you need to consider whether you would be better off with someone who can offer you real love.  
  • chris11182
    chris11182 Natnat89

    Posted

    from a mans point of view i feel that you should not be eviicted from your own bed he should be, also the child should be sleeping alone, does not matter how much they rebell just keep putting back to bed untill they are too tired to argue , called tough love but he should be doing this not you.

     

    • Natnat89
      Natnat89 chris11182

      Posted

      Thank you for the reply Chris, I really appreciate it. I'm so glad I'm getting the same responses from everyone and validation for how I feel. Thank you again.
  • chrissy1888
    chrissy1888 Natnat89

    Posted

    I think if this was me I would have to ask him if living together also sets a bad example in that case, it is easier for people to blame bipolar instead of siding in an argumentative situation but I feel your partner saying things like your jelous of his daughter only makes it worse as he does not seem to be considering your emotions at all in this and that is unfair
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