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Relationship reconciliation peri - menopause

Posted , 7 users are following.

steve75571
steve75571

Hi all, just need to know if any of you have managed to get your relationship back on track after a peri - menopause split.

Thanks

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • unico31026
    unico31026 steve75571

    Posted

    I just started peri as far as I know jan31 and my period lasted 23,days ! After it left so did my energy , sex drive and patience. I got rid of my man of three years because I was just irritated and as of now I don't know if I want to repair it lbvs. I'm feeling anti social and I'm so irritated that I just don't want to be bothered with anyone so maybe you all can help me !
  • gentleballads
    gentleballads steve75571

    Posted

    its a very trying time for women

    some have had to give up jobs they have worked very hard for

    social life is disrupted - so may be marriage too

     a man needs to be very understanding and keep trying if he feels its worth it

    education is available all over net

  • steve75571
    steve75571

    Posted

    Yes I fully understand that we have to keep trying, I have and yes my partner is 110% worth it, shes my rock and love of my life but she's checked out
    • MoodyNoire
      MoodyNoire steve75571

      Posted

      Hi Steve, I believe I'm speaking for many ladies when I say that perimenopause has been the most horrible time of my life.  I could not stand or even recognize myself at times. I was never mean to anyone, but I went from a stable, rational, trusting person to a suspicious, paranoid, wreck that had rages, then hours later I'd be so depressed I cried for days till my eyes swelled almost closed and I ended up with migraines that resulted in even more days of lying in a dark room because of the pain. My poor husband tried everything to help me. What meant the most to me though is that he understood we were in it together and that this wasn't the real me. The thing that brought me out of it was hrt. Many are too afraid of it and I was too. Finally, I couldn't take it any more and tried it and it is wonderful! My husband and I are so happy. I feel like a new and improved version of me now. I wish you and your partner success! 
    • Zigangie
      Zigangie MoodyNoire

      Posted

      Yes I forgot those two, suspicion and paranoia, if I wasn't telling my husband to leave I was accusing him of having an affair.
  • Zigangie
    Zigangie steve75571

    Posted

    Hi Steve,

    We didn't actually split although I asked my husband to leave on several occasions.

    We had some vicious arguments as we didn't know at the time that what was going on was because of perimenopause.

    I was told it was depression and I was seriously depressed. I think only because neither of us had anywhere else to go we are still together.

    He has had to cope so much on his own and luckily he's good at that and does more than his share of housework.

    I'm really only finding me again now with the help of HRT.

    The fact that we can both enjoy a sex life again has improved our relationship a lot.

    He is quite a cuddly guy but when I was feeling so hot and also worried cuddling would lead to him trying to instigate sex. I really didn't want to know and most of the time felt he would be better off without me.

    As I Have Bipolar disorder every doctor said my problems were down to the depressive side of my illness, but I know one of my friends felt exactly the same way and considered suicide because she felt her family would be better off without her. She has no mental health problems and suffered in much the same way.

    We never discussed this until recently when I pointed her in the direction of this site and menopause matters on Facebook, for which she was grateful. We are both post I'm on HRT and she is not and is clearly still having symptoms.

    HRT is good but although it fixed a lot of my suffering and symptoms quite quickly I'm by no means the person I was.

    I still get very tired have insomnia and periods of sleeping too much and at the wrong time.

    I am though now looking forward to the future and not thinking about it with dread and fear.

    My husband and I are both much happier though and more relaxed around each other. He recently is talking of renewing our vows and replacing our wedding rings which were tossed away in the midst of it all.

    So yeah there is hope. I suggest you see if you can try getting her on HRT and if you have enough money pay for her to see a meno expert, it's something I would still do if I had the finances, because I feel if your hormone levels were measured and then carefully adjusted and tailored to yourself things could be even rosier.

    Hope all goes well for you.

  • steve75571
    steve75571

    Posted

    I've tried everything and she just doesn't want to know, she tells me it's nothing to do with her age or hormones as she's only the way she is with me and no one else.

    I had to move out as she told me, she's doesn't love me anymore, she never loved me as much as I love her and we've never been compatible

    • Zigangie
      Zigangie steve75571

      Posted

      Hi Steve,

      I can't say we are all different.

      I did tell my husband how much I despised him among other things.

      He refused to leave, I was too yuk and unwell to go myself.

      A few months on HRT and I'm so glad and feel the same towards him as I used to.

      I feel the arguments and fights that we had were 90% down to the way I felt, if someone had told me that 6 months ago I would have laughed at them.

      I am shocked that HRT which j everyone is told will help with hot flushes has made such a huge difference to my head space, the way I feel about him, myself and the world.

      Looking back though I had become the same with friends and family, not nasty to them they just really irritated me and I generally felt irritable with no time or patience for even the things I used to enjoy.

      To be honest I just wanted to be asleep because it was the only time I got a rest from the way I was feeling.

  • steve75571
    steve75571

    Posted

    I just don't know what to do to help, when I was still in our house after she told me I said to her

    "Who would have thought it, together for ever and now split up"

    Over the years we've said this to each other several times and silly things like we've both kept all the valentines cards we've sent each other, I even got one this year, about 2 weeks before she told me!

    All the cards have "love you forever" written in, she also, when we see old people together used to say "that'll be us"

    Her reply to me when I said about being together forever was:

    Who said that?

    I know she's in there somewhere buried but I have no clue how to get her back

  • omarie127
    omarie127 steve75571

    Posted

    I am currently in menapause.  I am on bhrt and what a difference it has made in my life.  However, just recently, I started experiencing extreme anger and distrust towards my boyfriend of 6 years.  I believe that my hormone levels need checked again and my bhrt levels need to be changed.  I had to stop drinking alcohol as this has really seemed to intensify my anger and mood.  I can still have a glass of wine or two with dinner a few days a week but anything more and I can go into a terrible rage and turn mole hills into mountains.  Has anyone else experienced this?
  • gentleballads
    gentleballads steve75571

    Posted

    mood swings , irritability make women do funny things...

    steve , you shouldnt have moved out....we have to do the best to recognise those chaotic moments and wait it out......hold tight and hang in there, bow your head to let the storm pass over,

    it does get better....

  • steve75571
    steve75571

    Posted

    I was a bit confused at 1st with it all and we were, I'd say bickering, not really argueing as we've never done that.

    I then realised what was happening so I started being really supportive and understanding and that's what put the final nail in the coffin, the nicer and more understanding I was the more I got pushed out

    • Zigangie
      Zigangie steve75571

      Posted

      Hi Steve,

      I'd suggest remaining as friendly as things will permit.

      When you are in the thick of it you don't see what's happening to you, my husband even suggested once that it could be down to hormones and I told him not to be so ridiculous.

      Even now silting back and knowing how much HRT has improved everything I'm still amazed that a lack of hormones could be responsible for so much grief.

  • richard41982
    richard41982 steve75571

    Posted

    My wife and I are in the middle of this now. She said she doesn't think we are compatible any more. She has not been diagnosed but if it is hormonal will she start to believe in us againwhen things settle down or are we destined to fail? I will not give up until I feel there is no reason to fight anymore. But if she feels the way she does what will keep her loyal until this is over?

  • carl47656
    carl47656 steve75571

    Posted

    I see it's been a year for you now. Just curious if your situation has changed?

    Personally for me this has been the most difficult thing in life I have gone through. My wife decided to divorce us and then has spent the last 6 months letting me take her out, do work for her around the house and we have even spent a lot of nights together. (No sex) I'm ok with that. I can't even imagine what she's going through. I can't picture myself with anyone else. I have no desire for anyone but her. We've really been dealing with this for the last five years. I'm hoping it's almost over and we can get back to who we were. I Love her so much. Any encouragement?

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