Relationship Without Sex

Posted , 5 users are following.

Im in a relationship and its been almost 4 months

My girlfriend is elder to me and she told me she had a bad past and ugly sexual relation.

So her condition is we cant have sex.

I can kiss her hold her to am extent yes foreplay but no sex.

I dont know how to deal with this as not everyday but at times i feel like having sex with her but she cant and i love her soo much that i cant even say this to her that i want to have sex. At times when we are alone he share a good quality time that includes foreplay but when it reaches to the other direction she stops as she cant have sex. Need some advice so that i can handle the situation or atleast a solution to this no sex clause.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    *We share * typo error
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  • Posted

    I wouldn't assume that this will ever change, so if you want to keep seeing her, you need to get used to it, though many men would find that difficult.  If mutual masturbation and oral sex aren't an option, then maybe you could masturbate on your own before or after you see her.  How old are you both though?

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  • Posted

    Hi Damon,  You are in a tough situation.  It's easy for me to say, "Have what you have" but I'm not in your situation.  it sounds like you have something really special with your lady friend.  But, I can see that it can put a strain on your sexual needs.  I, myself, am a sexual abuse survivor.  It happened when I was a kid but for all of my life I have been somewhat asexual throughout my life.  For me, sex was something I desired (usually when drunk) and feared at the same time.  Eventually, I lost interest.  But, I have turned into a romantic which is great for me but not the person I'm with.  I wish I had advice how to correct this situation but on some level it sounds like a blessing.  Maybe you need to get hyper-focused on addressing your needs and see how you can get them met.  Maybe your friend will always be a friend but maybe she will be OK with you moving on.

    If you can't address these needs check out SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous).  Years ago I went to a SLAA meeting with no intention of getting anything out of it.  I ended up attending quite a few just to hear the wisdom voiced on relationships.  Most of us are love addicts (not sex addicts) and as a result make decisinos that compromise our lives.  At least check it out online.

    Check back with this site to let us know how things are going.  It's an interesting journey that you are on.  My best!

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  • Posted

    Did she tell you no sex for awhile or for forever? It is quite reasonable that after only 4 months she would not be comfortable, especially if she endured months or years of abuse or a traumatic event. Has your girlfriend ever seen a professional (doctor or counselor) about this? Your situation may not change without some professional intervention though over time she may become more comfortable with you and be willing to do more in the future.
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