Relationships and IBS. How do I explain what's wrong with me?
Posted , 8 users are following.
Hi all,
I, as my name suggests, am single. Due to my IBS and IBS related anxiety I find it really hard to meet people. I have a fear of restaurants and eating in front of people and struggle when I am in a situation where it would be embarrassing to go to the toilet.
I was in a long term relationship and my ex understood what was wrong with me but now I feel at a loss. I don't want to be alone but going out and panicking is crippling me. Plus, explaining to a prospective partner that I have IBS-D is a huge no no before you get to know each other.
Does anyone else struggle with this or have any advice?
Sorry for the ramble
1 like, 20 replies
cherl450 singlepringle
Posted
first of all your not rambling its very hard when you suffer like that and even harder for new relationships too but i was like you many moos ago reallybad couldnt go anywere in case i needed the toilet in a hurry couldnt eat or anything but funny enough i met my hubby in a lonely hearts add in paper and i felt it was to besttotell him everything wrong with me staight away if it scares them off then to be honest they are not bothering about but there are decent people out there thatd dont promise to fully understand it straight away but are willing to learnand to get to know the real you, so hun plod on you will meet mrs right and she will be like my hubby is to me amazing happy to say we married after 6 weeks of knowing each other and this year was our 20 wedding annversary so my advice to you be open up front straight away and take eachday as it comes
love and peace always
Cherl xx
donclaudio singlepringle
Posted
A few things…
First…anyone who cannot be supportive of your present issue isn’t worth the relationship.
(I have 2nd hand experience with a very dear friend who did not date..for a very long time…then chose to date…took her some time to find "the right one"..…"supportive" of her ibs and everything else…as a consequence 50% of her IBS symptoms resolved and over time has been slowly improving).
…take control of your Anxiety…it can be resolved or favorably managed…it creates “inflammation”…science shows it can create havoc to your immune system, and your entire well being.
…take control of your IBS..same as anxiety…”do whatever it takes” to find the underlying cause…or the best methods you can find to treat “your” specific type.
Summary,control anxiety, ibs, then go dating. your good quality of life will follow.
Claudio
cub22 singlepringle
Posted
Be honest. People are constantly embarrassed about IBS. Me included a lot of the time. But its just a medical condition, like asthma or diabetes and theres nothing emabarrassing about those conditions. Try not to be embarrased but embrace it. Say 'this is me, I have this condition but i wont let it control me'. ust because you have IBS doesnt mean you shouldnt be in a happy relationship. Be upfront, if they like you for you the ibs wont matter to them. So what if you wont have many or any dinner dates in resturants. That doesnt mean you cant enjoy nice meals together at home. Being comfortable with a person is cruital for any relationship but more so with IBS sufferers because there is always a constent worry and anxiety involved..
My boyfriend was fantastic when I told him about my IBS and has been so supportive throughout. Ive had other anxieties which have made being social difficult and therefore i know that this can be a bit of a burden if you dont want to socialise much and your partner does. But having a great support system helps. If you havent already maybe try sitting down with friends and telling them your issues first and try to start feeling more comfortable in social situations before you seek the relationship, that way you should hopefully feel more comfortable at social situations with a potentional partner.
Good luck. Be brave and embrace it. I wouldnt stop loving my boyfriend if he got an 'embarrasing' diagnosis. someone should love you for you, your personality, your shared interested not your medical needs.... you know 'in sickness and in health' and all
cherl450 cub22
Posted
We are all behind you 100 percent xxxxx
taytime singlepringle
Posted
Yes, it is a super embarrassing situation but I would be completely upfront about your situation and explain I have a very restricted diet so I can't eat out really because of stomach issues and a guy that is a keeper will understand...Women shouldnt be ashamed of pooping when men are disgusting ....I found someone and I was completely honest and upfront about my situation and he's still here <3>
ChipWhitley singlepringle
Posted
Elijo ChipWhitley
Posted
astrozombie Elijo
Posted
I find this very difficult to take about but here goes:
Yes to first point re: normal. Yes re: intermittent hence concern going out and when I was working I soon realised I needed to carry spare trousers re: leak. I never thought of protection though. No triggers for me either. When I was at my most unwell I never ate fruit. I do now and I am better than I was. I take yoghurt daily unsure if this is the same as probiotic.
Elijo astrozombie
Posted
astrozombie Elijo
Posted
Oh oh no that must have been a nightmare. I agree what a wonderful man. I have guilt issues about my condition so I drive people away but with ASD I struggle to talk about it too. I am my own worst enemy. I can not therefore imagine how bad you must have felt. I know it is natural but I also know that does not stop the guilt.
No no you are not the only one who suffers like that. I have jumped off buses in the middle of nowhere, got off motorway junctions I do not know to race down the nearest road hoping to spot somewhere with a loo. I have had many embarrassing situations and also embarrassed myself in social situations. It my case it was a vomit attack prior to an important meal and spent most of the meal cleaning the floor as I did not want anyone to know. Staying at a friends house I was almost in tears as someone was in the loo when I needed it but luckily they came out and I rushed in my biggest fear averted by seconds.
I understand.
astrozombie Elijo
Posted
Elijo astrozombie
Posted
On myh good dayis, I always try to think this is all behind me, and all is going to be well, but I still protect myself to best "catch the surprises." Today is a good day for me. Who knows what tomorow will bring. I have been on heavy doses of prednisone for PMR since November, and that has had a negative effect, and because of that my immube system is niilch and I've been geting UTI's, so the MD prescribes antibiotics, and that is a double whammy, usually causing diarrhea.
Good luck to you, keep eating that good stuff!
astrozombie Elijo
Posted
Thank you. I do have to be careful as I can upset people without realising it. A common one is interview feedback, agent says you were rude and then I have to try and replay the interview in my head to try to understand. This is definitely a struggle. ASD does have benefits though. I have very high concentration levels and with repetition I can become remarkably skilful with certain tasks. Others' may get bored but I will keep on.
I would say I get a little more warning and may only be 6 or 7 mins but that can make all the difference but it does surprise me this has not got me into more trouble. I was at the bus stop once within 3 mins realised the loo was out of order I scanned around in a panic and saw a restaurant owner cleaning his steps and in full sprint said is it ok and sprinted past him saw the sign sprinted up the stairs and made it. He could have called the police but a quick explanation and profuse apologies later and he was just about accepting of my explanation.
Therefore I still get ill but more occasionally but enough that I fear going out. It is not as severe as some in here but inconvenient enough for me to be scared of being around people in a working environment.
I am glad today is a good day. For me too though not eaten yet. Indeed tomorrow, there does always seem to be a tomorrow at some point. I am not on any medication though I was offered SSRI's but I get a little paranoid about certain things like that so refused. Sorry to hear that and I can not think of anything worse. For me I do not need medication to have the same outcome.
Good luck to you too and will do
lori73442 singlepringle
Posted
astrozombie singlepringle
Posted
Now before anyone says she was not worth it let me tell you she was. She was pretty, intelligent, funny and sweet but I do not blame her in the slightest. I could not go 2 days without being ill and then I would feel weak and sleepy and need a lie down. The whole situation was ridiculous.
Hopefully you will meet someone who understands but personally the idea of putting myself through that again fills me with dread. At least when I am ill now I am on my own and do not have to feel embarrassed about locking myself away for a few hours.
I have been suffering on my own for the past 18 months and this is the first time I have decided to discuss it.
I am not sure if there are support groups but meeting a fellow sufferer may help then you do not have to discuss.
Best
A
lori73442 astrozombie
Posted
I have ibs and ex left not because of the ibs because he couldn't handle me getting ill in other ways that left me sick in bed 2 months to 6 months Doctor orders. He changed while I was sick and pushed me and daughter away. Plus he kept getting angry and abusive. April last year I was told I could have breast cancer he filed for divorce. I was going too but was hoping he might change back to the guy I married.
Ibs is no fun. Had it since the 80's without medical help. In the 90's a church guy said come see me when I had my next attack. He was a doctor. I did. I was in college then. He put me on medicine and it helped a lot.
Avoid the stuff that can trigger the ibs. Stress was one of mine. Plus smell of foods. Example family was a huge trigger. I hadn't had an attack for years since I had my daughter but it's coming back with diahrrea now. I haven't seen the doctor about it yet.
As for your relationship only you can judge that. It's not our place.
Find your triggers. Avoid them. Tell Doctor what you notice that triggers the ibs.
I was a stay home mom for over 13 years. I just started work last week. I'm not eating at normal times so my ibs is kicking in. My life changes every week and that doesn't help the ibs.
Any questions just ask.
Lori
astrozombie lori73442
Posted
Apologies if you did not think I was suitably supportive.
Sorry to hear about your relationship. That sounds very unsatisfactory. I don't think abuse should be tolerated.
I have had screenings too and only screenings so far but who knows what will happen in the future.
That at is a long time. This only came upon me in the last 5 years but caused me problems at work, problems in relationship and generally just problems going out some days. It is ridiculous
Glad you found something which helped
i do not recognise myself in terms of what I eat. Grains for breakfast, lunch is a salad and I have a light meal in the evening with fruit. I have lost much weight which has further made me ill. It is a vicious circle and a tad depressing.
In short I have no idea about triggers as I keep a diet diary and I am il at different times eating different foods so there does not appear to be a trigger. I wish there was as that would be the easy solution.
Therefore doc just says stress
I am ill once or twice a week. It is not good.
As for my former relationship she was understanding for a long time but I think the illness ground her down which is understandable but I do think if I could not make it work with her then I had better get used to being single.
Is this what life has become living alone with a minor but completely undermining Iloners where I now fear long bus journeys or motorways. I have become a shadow of my former self.
I was a professional but staying home myself. Congratulations on your new job.
You should have finished eating by 9pm apparently
My life does not but still I get ill. It really is a silly situation
Thank you
Astrozombie
lori73442 astrozombie
Posted
In high school I missed so much school my junior year. I saw a doctor one week and the next week I lost ten pounds. I was kissing to much weight. I just couldn't eat. People at my childhood church was worried about me. Sadly my mom wasn't. Long story. But finally I talked to this doctor at church when we were on a youth trip and he cared. The mess helped a lot. I can't recall what it was. I had to stop taking it in 2001 when I was pregnant with my daughter. Really had no attacks except the last few years, lucky they have been minor.
Go out is hard. Especially if you don't know your triggers. Mine was smell of strong foods and people I had to visit with.
It's no fun. I remember very well how hard it was. Going back to work and eating different times through a my tummy in all knots and then I don't feel good.
I had a guy I spent a few times with in high school and he got tired of me being sick too. Lucky we weren't really dating, he was an exchange student. My ex was unstanding but I started having major illness he couldn't take it and changed.
Probiotics help. I take it in a pill since I don't like yogurt and I can't eat fruits.
What has your doctor given you to help you get back out in the world again? When I was bad I just went out unless I threw up. My mom didn't make it easy for me. I hope people here on this site can give you good suggestions. Hang in there.
astrozombie lori73442
Posted
i was not sure if you were chastising me. I have ASD so find it difficult to communicate at times.
it sounds like you have had family which contributed to your situation.
Definitely agree with you there going out is very difficult as I just do not know when.
I have no such trauma and yet I have lost the best part of 3 stone just through being unwell.
I never used to be unwell
Yes triggers Unknown. I just wake up and I am ill regardless of what I have eaten the day before. My ex also looked and found no pattern. I would eat eggs one week and be ill yet replicate the same meal the following weeks and be fine.
I have taken time out at the mo
I suppose my situation was more like your exchange person. I felt like I was constantly apologising for being ill and just gets to a point where one can not keep doing this. She will be my one regret though but that is for the future.
If it was a major illness it would be more understandable I was restricted but that is the annoying thing because in theory it is a minor condition but a minor condition which has such a large impact on my life and work such as being late due to getting off the bus at the wrong stop just for facilities. Joining the wrong motorway as facilities closer and then being an hour late for work. Sometimes it is just ridiculous.
I eat fruit with yoghurt as per dietician so ok on that one.
He gave me tests, all negative and an appointment with the dietician. To him I am healthy so not a lot they can do.
I am sick too sometimes before the illness and sometimes afterwards.
I am sorry to hear that and I can not say the same as my former partner was understanding but after 3 years it can be a curse for them too.
I hope so as professionals tell me it is in my head. It is most definitely not in my head when I have to leave friends and family and occasionally just sprint off looking for facilities and that could lead to a theatre trip cancelled for example. I ruined so many things for my partner due to illness.
The best thing about being ill in this time is I can send a text saying I am fine back in an hour or so go and sit in the station cafe or wherever it may be.
Thank you
astro