Releasing Emotions Trapped in the Tissue

I had an experience I can't hardly explain with words. I had been working on the "Clam" in PT. This has been the hardest part for me, the one and pushing, the pain, cramping muscle. This is the exercise that lifts the leg when laying on your side with knees bent. I've been trying to mentally make this muscle move, pushing through the pain, working and working but without success. Monday, I raised the leg an inch, PT was so supportive, "good good" let's keep going. Pushing SO hard, my eyes closed, squeezing that muscle, until finally, it lifted 12" but then fell back down. Next time, raised it 12" and I kept it up using my own muscle strength. At once, I had this intense emotional reaction. I burst into tears, and I couldn't stop sobbing. I drove home continuing to sob, tried to order some food but couldn't because the woman at the drive through couldn't tell what I was saying. through this sobbing, " I'lllll *sniff* haaaave aaaa baaccon cheeeeesebuurger *sniff* wiiiiith noooo onioooons.It had started to snow and this beautiful shimmering white covered everything. I made it home, still crying, into the house and spoke with a friend using FaceTime. She saw me crying, then she started to cry, she was so happy because I was so happy.  I took a shower, changed into a nice cotton gown and soft robe. I could tell how good I smelled and how soft my skin was. I looked out at the new snow, silence around me, only the faint sould of wind whistling through the window. My mind felt so clear, aware of noises I'd never paid attention to. I felt so satisfied and happy. I even wrote it on a post it note so the next day, I'd remember. I slept like a baby, woke refreshed and had a great day.  Now, I can look back and see it as a bit comical, but at the time, I was seriously worried about my emotional state. I looked around, I asked doctors and other professionals. Nobody could explain this except I was just overcome with JOY. Those were tears of joy. I was afraid my leg was never going to work the same again. That I'd need a cane all my life.Tonight I asked him about this experience. He said it was nothing "metaphysical" but just a release of emotions. No new nerve connetion that caused thig. I asked him "how much more PT do you think I need?" He told me 3-4 more weeks, and three visits a week but also added "when you first came in, I would have ansered "forever" (It gets harder and harder but I can see such a huge difference in my mood and the improvemts I make physically each day. Not only has it cleared my mind of worry, I can do stuff I never was able to do before. Put on my shoes, put my legs in pants, walk without pain or stiffness. I had almost begun to wonder if I'd made a mistake having this surgery done, seems like my life has been revolving around this one event for 9-10 weeks now. For those of you who are having trouble working through PT or are stuck, or feeling deflated. I just want you to know I felt the same, but I kept pushing myself, which for me sometimes felt very hard. A good friend in Australia commented  on an email I had sent describing the event. "When I read your message it reminded me of the high people get with extreme sports. I remember the adrenaline and stress just prior to doing a sky dive years ago and the euphoria that came after it."

Given the amt of stress, grief, fear and general trauma you have been living with for so many months, I guess it all built up and then purged itself.

Intellectualising it doesn't really give answers, and could distract you from really enjoying it. It's like your brain has been re-booted and it sounds wonderful.You can now see the possibilities of a better future and with a little determination, hard work and good support, life could be joyful again. Go for it." 

Whoever might read this long rambling comment, I appreciate it. We do have such a strong mind and body connection. I simply wanted to share my experience. ~ Luv

8 likes, 16 replies