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Repulsed by my own body, I can't describe how depressed I am

Posted , 3 users are following.

Guest
Guest

sad I am 37 years old and after eight years of going back and forth to my doctors, having numerous tests, being made to feel like a Hypochondriac and its all in my head, If it was not for one consultant not giving up on me gave me an MRI scan. I have been diagnosed with cushing's syndrome. I have most of the symptoms, lets just say if they painted me orange I could get away with being an orangutan at Chester zoo. I can't describe how depressed I am every day, I have three children which Ive gone from a hands on mum to this decrepit mum. The muscle fatigue is horrendous and my water retention is so painful , I am on water tablets which don't seem to be working. I go for my pre-op a week on Tuesday and the surgeon advised the removal of my left Adrenal gland as I have a tumor on it, he advised end of October beginning of November. This cannot come sooner, I am just worried I will not loose this weight I have put on I have gone from a size 12 to a size 20 in 6 months. I go out less and less I am turning into a hermit, This is a condition not many people know about it looks like I am 9 months pregnant as I was ask was I trying for a girl as I have 3 boys, me I just laughed and advised them the problem as if it didn't bother me, my neighbour was mortified that she thought I was pregnant, I just went home and cried yet again I can truthfully say I have never been so unhappy in my life.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    I am a 25 year old woman and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer last august and 1 of the chemo drugs I was given caused my lungs to become damaged - fibrosis. I was then put on a course of steroids and have been on them for about 5 months. My face is so round its horrendous. People say think of the long-term benefits, your lungs are improving and whiloe I know this is the case, I cant help but feel like complete and utter crap when I look in the mirror. My cushingoid face and extra weight on my stomach and hips is just not in proportion to what I should look like. I too avoid going to see friends cos even though friends are supposed to love you for who you are, I still feel really self-conscious and unattractive. I hope I will be off these godforsaken steroids soon cos I just want to like what I see in the mirror and at the moment I do not. I just wanted to post this to let you know there are other people out there that feel just like you. Sophia
  • Reelers
    Reelers

    Posted

    I know - it feels awful. But y'know, since you got diagnosed, doesn't it explain a lot of things? You're not undisciplined, and strangely becoming what you see as ugly and unattractive - it's a medical condition that's treatable. You have found the culprit - and once that's treated and you come out the other end, those things that are making you feel horrible are going to gradually, steadily, go away from what I understand. There's a solid diagnosis, there's a treatment, and a cure - you don' t have to live with it - this time next year or in 6 months you'll be looking and feeling a million times better, much healthier, and looking back on this - proud of yourself for getting through it. Hang in there.
  • patpaul18
    patpaul18

    Posted

    Hi Bev sorry to hear about your problem I dont suffer with cushions but my best friend does for about 6yrs now she too went from a size 12 to 22 and was very deppresed but once she was diognosed and they removed her piturity gland she started tosee some light she has gone the other way now and is only a size 10 she still has trouble with her water works and has to take steroids for the rest of her life but on the hole she is back to her old self i hope this give you a little bit of hope and to luck to the future i,m sure after seeing my friend go through what she has and come out the other side best of luck to you . Pat
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