Rescently diagnosed

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Hi my son was rescently diagnosed with high functioning Aspergers. He is currently 18. The sad part is his father and I have known he has had this since he was a really young age but the psychiatrists kept saying no it's just adhd and odd which he also happens to have aswell. He has had a hard life having to deal with these medical disruptions and others since in my womb. But he is one of the most loving person's you will ever meet. He has a girl friend he treats like a queen and even with all his issues can show love and respect for himself and others. I have learnt the best way to deal with Aspergers is the lower the anxiety the easier they get through day to day life. It is still hard for him but way less stressful on him and the trick is to find what pace is good for him and go with it.

I am just so astonished that it took the Drs this long to figure it out. I could have been doing more I believe if I had of had a Drs formal diagnose years ago. I call him my mircle child and I truly believe he is as he surprises me everyday.

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  • Posted

    That's how i feel about my little brother. He is 46 now but he was my baby growing up.  I was the doting older sister.  He too has Aspergers, docs in thoses days blamed the mother for the children who were on the spectrum.  He had big challenges, but is now a computer programmer witha huge company and is in management.  There is no reason folks with dis Abilities cannot fully function in this world if we give them half a chance! 

    You sound like a wonderful parent, that's is what's important. 

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    • Posted

      I feel so so bad for mom's from the days when docs would blame them for their children that were diagnosed with ASD! The awful guilt they must have felt!!! They were referred to as refrigerator mom's, UGH!!! I'm so happy for your brother, good for him!!!

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for saying I sound wonderful I think that's the first time I have ever had another person outside my family compliment me on how I look after my children. You sound like a great sister. I hope when my son finishes school he is able to get into a job he loves. At the moment he is into computer tech but it's just something he messes around with at home at the moment. Maybe he may build up more of an interest for it as he gets older. It's good to know that there is hope for my son to be able to do something great and achieve great things.

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    • Posted

      It was pretty bad, I remember my grandmother making a mean remark about my brother and my mother's way of raising him.  She had no support.  So we have come a long way!  Always looking forward to tomorrow!!

       

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    • Posted

      My brother went to college and got his degree in math and computer science; he is brilliant in many ways, way more then I could ever aspire to be. I would love to PM you and tell you some of the things that helped if you'd like. Let me know 📪

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  • Posted

    Omg snap my son is 18 next week and was diagnosed when he was 16. It's been really hard with him since then as he's in denial that he's on the spectrum x

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    • Posted

      Just give him lots of love and understanding read up as much as you can on the subject so you know how to look after him in a way that is helpful to him. And slowly show him or let him know that when he acts a certain way it's because of what he has not because he's a bad kid. They just need to understand that you understand what they are dealing with and how it affects them the family and society. Show him easier ways to deal with his anxiety and also let him know that these days there are lots of programs and groups he can join to help kids in the same situation be able to not only deal with what they have better but also helps there cognitive abilities and friendships.Let him know he can achieve greatness he just has to work a little harder at it. I tell all my kids they all have brains and smarts it's just up to them how they wanna use them. I have 5 kids 3 of them find schooling easy the other 2 have a hard time with it but there is still things they can do out in the world that can be great they just have to find what they are good at and what isn't gonna send their stress levels through the roof and go for it. It's hard work having a child or even more than one with special needs but I feel they make parenting more worth it. Because it means us as mums can't just sit back we actually have to work that little extra bit harder to give all our children the same opportunities at life.

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    • Posted

      Thankyou. At the moment he hardly talks to me, he doesn't comunicate with his bro and sis. His bro is 14 and he just tells me to section him, god it's hard and it wears me out 😢 x

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    • Posted

      Just keep your chin up and know that your not alone in this my son has said some horrible things about all of us at times. He even set the house on fire when he was younger and tried to stab his little brother too. But I must admit he was really young when that happened and probably wasn't as concious of his behaviour then as he is now. But there is also help for parents on how to cope and deal with this kind of stuff. There are sites we can join like this one and if you speak to your child's dr there are groups we can join to help us cope with our child to. And it is hard yes but these kids were given to us for a reason. If we couldn't handle them we wouldn't have them. I am not a true believer of God but I do believe that some higher power out there knew what they were doing when we were given these kids that we are strong and they were ment for us. I'm really convinced of that and they need someone strong in heart and mind to guide them. Yes it's really hard but you will get there and so will he. It just takes time. Lean on other family too to get guidance. Or even just to have someone to cry on when you guys are having a bad day. But don't give up. Remember you have the strength to do this we all do.

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    • Posted

      I'v been askek to go to a group called women's act I think that's the name, as the person who supports us thinks I need to stand up to James and not let him demand things, she thinks I will get some tips on how to deal with his demands.

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  • Posted

    My son is 24 now and went through exactly what you did. I was blamed, he was called a bad kid, he was bullied, called stupid ( he has IQ of 130) etc. I think I had it too in a milder way but never knew it. I knew he was in pain and not acting out because he was spoiled or bratty.

    I fought like a mama bear to get him help as a child and advocate for him. These kids can fall through the cracks so easily if you are not constantly pushing for help. He was on meds and in a special Aspergers class at school. His final teacher in high school saved his life. She understood him. She used humour and strength to push him and keep him on track.

    I divorced his father when he was 9 even though I loved him. His father doesn't believe in mental illness. Thinks if he just exercised daily and listened to logic and try hader that this would get better. I had to choose.

    I allowed him to do anything that wasn't dangerous. He took up drumming and would drum for hours in the basement. He would have parties til all hours. His friends were very responsible and respectful and I was just glad he had any friends after a friendless childhood. I used humour to get through the tough times.

    He is now 24. Has a full time job, goes to night school, lives with his girlfriend and is mature, sweet and wonderful. There are times when his mind hurts if someone is mean to him or he is confused about someone else's emotions, but he can cope.

    Well done Mama. You can be proud of yourself.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your support and it's good to see that your son is doing well too. I'm sorry about your husband. I'm glad I have a husband that understands my son sometimes even better than I do.

      S x.

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  • Posted

    So your son has both ADHD and aspergers. I have both ADHD and ASD (autism spectrum disorder). The doctors told me that it would have previously been aspergersĀ for me, but they changed the diagnosis process in 2013.

    I understand your concerns about anxiety. This is an issue for me, too. Uncertainty and not being able to predict what will happen causes me problems. But you can manage. Over the years, you do develop ways to cope. And this may explain why it took so long for doctors to diagnose me.

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    • Posted

      Hi did you break things in your house? Tonight my 18 yr old with high functioning autism again smashed his phone pulled the shower door off after shattering it a month ago!! His 14 and 13 yr old siblings hate him and I'm always crying

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    • Posted

      yikes! i'm sorry to hear that.  i had abrother with a hot temper and it was awful to be around.  what's a mother do do!?!  that's scary for all of you! 

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