Restarting citalopram after trauma - advice welcome

hi there

i have basically took citalopram for most of my adult life for anxiety and OCD. CBT helped for OCD - anxiety is an unwanted friend of mine that likes to stick around

so after being on citalopram for the last 13 years for the most part 10mg i decided to come off them in May taking one every other day.

The reason i thought i would be okay is that I lost my dear dad in February and even on the low dose i was still getting anxiety mildly and thought well it cant get any worse (face palm moment) if i come off tablets

i spoke with a GP about tapering off the pills which he advised i could but to keep a box as back up in case i needed to go back on them.

my dad dying was traumatic he died at the incredible age of 88 of triple AAA (stomach aneurysm)

i was with him when he died he didn't die suddenly although there was nothing they could do for him other than pain relief he was unconscious one eye closed and one shut and he was swallowing and had facial and arm spasms followed by the death rattle that lasted six hours till he died

after that time i grieved but i had a lot to sort as my mum 86 was heavily dependent on my dad!! she cannot walk without a zimmer frame or a wheelchair i needed help! red cross and social services provided all the modifications in the house and she has carers who come in throughout the day

i was off work for two months i travelled to mums everyday round trip 60 miles a day but to get back home as i have dependents

i made the mistake of seeing dad in chapel of rest

and my mums health has deteriorated significantly and we are waiting on a diagnosis for dementia as she forgets things she did a few hours before

so with all that happened i motored on returning back to work full time came off the tablets which i wont lie was awful but other than that good and i felt great x

over the past few weeks my mum is calling me most days confused falling over blocking her toilet causing ceiling damage and all my ducks that were so neatly in a row have started to tumble

The crippling morning anxiety is back together with the crying outbursts that don't seem to stop i get panicked when i visit mum as it breaks my heart to see her suffering with grief and confusion and the probability she may have to move into assisted care

i did start psychotherapy a few weeks back as i really want to dissect events that happened when i was 12 that i believe impact the way i am now. I look forward to those weekly sessions and i am supported by them in my decision as to whether i go back on citalopram or not

So the question is do i re start citalopram with all I've got going on it is starting to impact my day to day life and feel i'm spiralling out of control some days

i thought i could come off of them as i was doing so well whilst it was happening on 10mg but now I'm frightened of restarting even when i know how great they work for me I've never had any bad side effects other than the first couple of weeks of restarting and feeling nauseas yet some how i feel I've failed by going back on

so, do i start today 10mg and then contact my gp Monday morning or wait to see gp

sorry for the long thread but it feels nice just typing this all down

thank you

0 likes, 2 replies