Restarting Citalopram - would love any encouragement
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi all!
I creep on these forums all the time, figured I'd join in. Here's my brief history:
I was on Citalopram 20mg for 7 years with lorazepam .5mg as needed (I only needed on rare occasions). I don't remember much about getting on the first time as far as side effects, other than bad morning anxiety the first few weeks. I believe it started working in about 4 weeks and by the time I got full benefit, I was good to go!
I had extremely minimal anxiety and depression all those 7 years, it was truly lovely. This led me to believe I didn't need the med anymore (dumb), so I came off the drug about 4 months ago. Had a rough withdrawal period (felt like the flu), but luckily it only lasted 2/3 weeks and then I felt totally back to normal! Unfortunately, about a month or two later, the anxiety/panic came back... then the depression. All for seemingly no reason (well, I guess it was because I was off my meds lol). Got back on the drug at 10mg for 2.5 weeks, now have been on 20mg for 4 weeks.
It has been ROUGH. Total roller coaster. I keep a journal of every day. The weirdest part is that on week 2 of 20mg, I had a week of feeling completely normal. Then I dipped, and have been in this dip for a week and a few days now. Just feel so off and out of it, which leads to me feeling super anxious. It just feels scary not knowing if/when you'll feel yourself again... I'm sure many can relate.
Any reassurance is appreciated 😃
0 likes, 4 replies
Chris1979G emma1110
Posted
Hi Emma. Thanks for sharing. How are you doing now.
My story is very similar, 18 years on Cit. mainly 20mg. Managed 9 months off them, then wham! I'm about 7 weeks into Cit. again and feeling pretty rubbish. Mornings are worst and on some days it clears by early afternoon, but on some it plagues me till early evening. I have Lorazepam 1mg for the worst days but try to avoid using it when i can.
Cant wait to find some more regular calm!
Chris
emma1110 Chris1979G
Posted
Hi Chris!
Thanks for asking, I'm doing significantly better than when I first wrote this. I'm now on 40mg and have been there for coming up 8 weeks. It's been a very long and slow journey, much less linear than I was expecting. But each month is better than the last, I was hoping to be counting by weeks but it's been more encouraging doing it by months, even though it sucks.
I'm glad you have lorazepam, that's been a life saver for me along this journey. Mornings were definitely the worst for me as well. Slowly but surely that will fade, and you'll find yourself waking up with no anxiety. Currently about 78% of my days are either decent or good, and the number keeps going up as I continue. So just hang in there - time is on your side. Regular calm will come for sure.
Chris1979G emma1110
Posted
So pleased to hear that. Like you I'd been working in weeks but i agree it creates pressure and anxiety in itself. I think my memory of how bad/long past recoveries was perhaps overly optimistic and i just need to see this as it's own journey and just accept that it'll take time to get to being my old self.
These forums are certainly helping me to feel less isolated.
I hope your recovery keeps going well.
Take care
Chris
emma1110 Chris1979G
Posted
Absolutely. It's hard not to create a time frame when we just want to feel better so badly, but it's best to accept that it'll take as long as it's going to take - the important thing is healing will come. These forums are definitely a lifeline to all who are struggling with this.
Keep in touch, wishing you the best on your recovery as well!