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Returning to sex after bilateral THR

Posted , 12 users are following.

jillypops
jillypops

I am 3 weeks post-op. Am due to go on holiday in 3 weeks time with my boyfriend. I have been honest with him and said at the moment, i have no interest in sex at all and am becoming anxious about the holiday in case i feel the same then. He says he understands but says it is a bolt out of the blur and seems quite upset. When i went to his house last week he became a bit touchy feely but i had to tell him i can't do anything at the moment. I must admit i feel quite hurt that he should be upset over this as this has been a big op and i still feel achy and stiff and some movements remain limited - i am doing really well with my rehab tho. Am i being unreasonable?

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • kathy10666
    kathy10666 jillypops

    Posted

    You're not being unreasonable at all. My surgeon said that it's not safe until 6 weeks, which in your case coincides with your holiday. A lot can change in 3 weeks and you may well be absolutely fine by the time you go on holiday. See how you feel and, no matter what the situation, you should never feel pressured into having sex. If he loves you, he will understand. 

    Xx

    • suep67
      suep67 kathy10666

      Posted

      I totally agree with Kathy and the surgeon does say no sex for 6wks post op as you risk dislocation.

      I'm 4yrs post op TLHP and still have problems with sex due to pain in my groin and had my tendons released in my groin and still have pain when opening my legs, even when I get into a car or bed I have to swing both legs at the same time. This is just my issues I'm sure other don't have problems with sex post op. I hope all goes well and you enjoy your holiday

  • renee01952
    renee01952 jillypops

    Posted

    hi jillypops, 

    warm welcome to the hippies forum ...

    WOW ... you are kidding right?   You  just had bi-lateral hip replacement surgery !!!!  both hip joints are replaced and need healing - the least you need is anxiety, darling ...

    your body has gone through major trauma and assault ...

    Maybe you should have him watch the live hip replacement surgery on you tube ! 

    sorry for sounding so snippy ... 

    you are not unreasonable at all - it is physically too soon anyway ... 

    When is your 6 weeks follow up appointment scheduled for?   Perhaps taking him with you to the appointment and see what surgeon advises ...

    be gentle and kind with your self, okay ... is he taking care of you ?  

    and come here anytime you have a concern, question or just want to chat ... you are not alone but surrounded by people who went through hip replacement surgery - no better place to come for unconditional support and understanding ...

    big warm hug

    renee

     

  • Saltspringer48
    Saltspringer48 jillypops

    Posted

    Totally agree with everyone but especially Renee. Sounds like the man needs an attitude adjustment. You have just had major surgery. Last thing you need is to worry about your b.f.
    • RichardKen
      RichardKen Saltspringer48

      Posted

      I totally agree with you. What the hell is he thinking! Sooooo inconsiderate putting the OP under pressure and just thinking about his needs not her's

      Cheers Richard

  • carol42631
    carol42631 jillypops

    Posted

    Wow!  Is he having a laugh!! 

    3 weeks post bi lateral! 

    You'll dislocate everything!

    Suggest you do as Steve said and get rid of him and get a dog!!! 

  • ann47958
    ann47958 jillypops

    Posted

    You are recovering from a serious operation not a bad hair cut f o r goodness sake, you will be feeling depressed and sore you need care and attention not pressure. Try talking to him if not maybe the suggestion of getting a dog has merits. Good luck
  • jillypops
    jillypops

    Posted

    Oh my gosh!! I am overwhelmed by the support you have all shown me!! I have tears in my eyes.....in a good way. Thankyou all!!

    I must clarify, i don't think he expected full sex last week, but it made me freeze and think about our holiday at 6 weeks post op. He says he understands, but he has messaged me only once today which is very out of character for him. I am going over tomorrow - he says he didn't sleep well last night as a lot on his mind and we can talk about a couple of things re the holiday tomorrow.

    I thought i was being selfish, but feel hurt.

    I do have a dog - she is wonderful!! 😁

    And now, i have you wonderful guys! Thankyou so much! Xxx

    • carol42631
      carol42631 jillypops

      Posted

      Bless you! Look after yourself until you're fully recovered. If your boyfriend doesn't appreciate what you've been through and still have to face, I think maybe you need to see whatever he has to say and what's worrying him. 

      Take care. X

  • Rocketman_SG6UK
    Rocketman_SG6UK jillypops

    Posted

    You have some great replies, so I'll just say look at my website (Long Term Recovery page) for some scientific based information on positions to try that don't stress the hip when you do feel up to it.  It took me a while to get back into that 'special space' with my wife again, so don't worry, what you are feeling is totally normal.

    The website address is in my personal info here ...

       https://patient.info/forums/profiles/rocketman-sg6uk-907025

    and at the bottom of the moderator's "useful resources" page at

       https://patient.info/forums/discuss/thr-useful-resources-487147

    Best wishes

    Graham - 🚀💃 🤸    ¯\_(?)_/¯

  • jillypops
    jillypops

    Posted

    Quick update - had chat with my bf and he has now reead up on effects of hip op on internet. He has been v apologetic as didn't understand how big an op it is. He has been lovely - am now really looking forward to our holiday.

    Thankyou all for being here! 💖 xXx

    • ann47958
      ann47958 jillypops

      Posted

      Great Jillypops hope you both enjoy planning your holiday xx
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