Rocky Road Yesterday

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Whew!  I made it thru a very stressful day yesterday without a drink.

Actually it started a few days ago when I got a random text from my youngest, telling me I was "dead" to him.  

Yesterday was my b/f first day at work and last week I had told my outpatient clinician that I was having another nervous breakdown with all the appointments I had and that I need to skip 2 days of outpatient this week.  She agreed.

So, I thought yesterday would be for ME and I would get to finally relax.

First I was at beach at 9am...freezing there and left at 910 (not so bad yet).  Took a shower..done at 10 and my mother calls...wants to come over...I had plans to go get an alarm clock for b/f since I had to be up at 4:30 to wake him up and I wanted that to STOP.  So I tell my mother I was going to get this clock and come home, eat and nap.

She comes over...puts on the sad, pity thing and gets me to go to Trader Joes with her (so I had to pack a lunch because I knew I would not be home or napping)...while in HER car...she goes to another store first and wants me to look at EVERYTHING in the store with her (home goods)....I started to become very frazzeled and told her I was too tired to look at EVERY SINGLE THING.

We come out of Trader Joes and my lawyer calls and said I was denied on my appeal to benefits from the government...BUT that since she sent them my neurophysicarty report Friday they have put my case back in review and it may or may not be approved (I have been working on this claim for 2 years (so that was good and bad news).  I become more frazzeled.

Finally we get to Trader Joes (food shopping) the only place we were supposed to GO. My Dad calls,does not know I'm with my mother and asks if I have Thurs or Friday available...because I just finished call with lawyer and my mother was p*ssing me off by hijacking my day, my nap and my lunch AND my plans....I snapped at him..but told him Thrus I can help him.

Finally I go get alarm clock but forgot I needed toilet paper.  Got wrong alarm clock..had to go back in...wait in 2 lines (return and purchase).  

Then, I tell my mother I AM DRIVING her car...she drove stupidly yesterday.  I had to go to meat market to get dinner.  She says...do you want to go get your car?  I'm like NOW...at 2:30? NO...your coming with ME to market. 

Got meat..came home she leaves, boyfriend arrives (its now 3:30)..I was out from 10-3:30...super long day for me. AND never got the freakin toilet paper that I have needed for 2 days!

THEN...cooked dinner, folded clothes, did dishes, helped boyfriend put stuff out in trash for big trash day (plus it was like 86 degrees).  We went to buy cigs, a cooler for his work and some food and fruits for him at work.  

Came home, made his lunch for today, cleaned more dishes...and by 10pm I finally said down..practically in tears...wanting to DRINK.  

He wanted me to watch a show with him...and I said I couldn't...I had to chill alone.  

I text my mother and told her I DID enjoy my time with her..but the next time she changes my plans that quickly we have to do MY things first because I was frazzeled all day and while I was out with her she had the NERVE to ask me if I was "LIKE THIS" all the time.

The moral of this RANT...keep your early days in recovery as SIMPLE as possible because being overwhelmed can definetly drive you to drink.

And by the way my MOM said to ME...Boy YOU could drive someone to drink.  REALLY?  You hijacked my day woman!

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  • Posted

    Hey Missy, after all that you did SO WELL not to have a drink! Just reading it made me fancy a drink and today is meant to be AF for me. But well done, you. You now know you are stronger than it!!
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    • Posted

      Good luck on your AF day....Are you working?  

      If not...I would rest...nap, watch TV...EAT....take viatmins....

      What was your drinking history.....so many people and my mind doesn't focus..can only focus on the moment in time (seriously)....I know I have replied to you before and KNEW your story...then..but can you remind me?

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    • Posted

      How was the AF day? If you didn't make it...no big deal ....your trying.  If you did make it...yay.
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    • Posted

      Not quite, poured a glass of wine at lunch time (large one) but before I'd finished it realised I didn't really want it so poured the last bit back into the bottle. So quite pleased with that. Aiming for an AF day today, too.

      Thanks for asking. How are you today, Missy?

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    • Posted

      So, you kind of did make an AF day because I would never pour any liquor back into a bottle....so thats really GOOD.  

      I decided for today even thou Outpatient gave me Tues and today "off" that I am going to go today.  I need to put recovery first....and I have been really erratic this week...and mind racing...etc...and not sleeping...I have to go!

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  • Posted

    One thing stands out from your post

    86 degrees!!!

    Seriously though it sounds very stressful

    I'm not someone that drinks due to stress,in fact a need to be sober to face things but I'm a daily drinker that can't get out of the habit

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    • Posted

      Thanks Nicole...it would have been fun IF I enjoyed shopping and walking around aimlessly looking at things I can't BUY.  BUT, I dislike shopping very much...I'm an in and out person.

      My mother is a look at every single thing and every detail of that THING.  

      Never say you CANT......you CAN...you really have to believe you CAN or you won't sad

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    • Posted

      I hear you and PF saying how you hate drinking and binge drink ect but I LIKE drinking,that's the problem
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    • Posted

      ahh.,...I had those days when I was younger...I always told people to BACK off talking about my drinking I LIKE IT.

      Not anymore.

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  • Posted

    Today, seriously I'm only available if someone dies or gets in a serious accident.  Other than that I'm doing what I WANT.
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