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Roll on 2017

Posted , 3 users are following.

thedelboy
thedelboy

2016 has been one of the worst years of my life ! Mum passed away 29th March

Because a hospital gave her a drug they Knew she had a serious allergy to!

November 16th my Dad passed away, As per norm he went the way he would have

wantedA glass of Vodka TV on laying on the sofa,yet completely different to how

He lived ,he died peacefully !

I still try to get out but still find it very difficult! Panic attacks are worse,

I sometimes sit here thinking "perhaps tonight it'll be my turn"almost wishing

for death.Yet i don't want to die? I have to look after my Mary and my Parrot freinds

I sat at home on Christmas alone I know this sounds daft I was angry that the

great escape was not on! I really miss my family yet they don't appear to miss me!

I have an appointment at last for pain management 24th January.

I know 2017 can't get anywhere near as bad as 2016 but I will wait and see

Sorry for not being very positive but have to say it as it appears to me!

4 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • 33cody
    33cody thedelboy

    Posted

    Yea I agree with 2016 with being the worst year I have ever experienced, the drs say I have anxiety but I feel like there's something terribly wrong with me all day everyday, I was cloudy headed foggy visioned and thought for sure I was making my own leap into the great beyond but then I started thinking. Bout how that would leave my wife and young kids and then that scares me the most is leaving them behind death isn't nearly as scary as not being able to watch them grow up is the last 6 months of the year has been a blur of symptoms and depressed and anxiety.(hopefully nothing more) but yes cheers to a much better 2017 and hoenfully all this stuff gets left behind when the new year turns

    • thedelboy
      thedelboy 33cody

      Posted

      Hi  33Cody, 2017 can not be as bad as 2016 no matter how I look at things(I always seem to fear the worst) one things for sure I wont go through the trauma of losing my parents again, second thing is I do actually FEEL positive for the first time in many years, yes I still have panic attacks I still get depressed and am in constant pain (If its not my bones its the damn Diverticular disease) but something I dont know what it is but something feels different I dont know how to describe it but even though I am an agoraphobic and live alone with my Parrots I feel different Not Lonely like I felt before but as if a good presence is with me helping me makeing sure I dont harm myself or anyone else . Its such a strange but warm feeling! I am not afraid anymore? Sorry I am rambling but I know something Good is going to happen this year that will benefit myself and I think others too! 

      I am not a person who follows religeon in particular just try to be decent to others so I am not saying the feeling is a heavenly one Just that its a good Feeling! all the best for the New year!

  • borderriever
    borderriever thedelboy

    Posted

    Sorry for both your loses.

    You need permission to grieve, and that is better done with someone like a brother sister, Laws or In Laws who knew your parents very well. You will find they will feel the way you are feeling and be able to help you move on. There are charities that deal with peoples family deaths they can be found on the internet and they will also give support.

    When I read your script above you say you are been seen by the Pain Clinic are you disabled or do you have a medical condition.

    Has your GP arranged any CBT to help you get over these two loses of family ?. Sometimes that can help you come to terms with your loss

    If you are having feelings of ending your life contact NHS HELPLINE ON Tel 111 they will decide how they can help you in your loss and move you on to a more complete life once more

    BOB

    • thedelboy
      thedelboy borderriever

      Posted

      HI Bob, hows things ? I am not grieving and I feel great . I thought that was clear in my post I feel almost happy for the first time in so long. ending my life is so far from my mind at this moment 6 months ago you would have had a different answer (I am sure I was very negative the last time we spoke? on another forum "Del01" ?) honestly for the first time in a long time I feel positive Protected and not alone ! even though I am physically alone apart from the Parrots!

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