Ruining my life

Posted , 3 users are following.


I have been on Venlafaxine for a few months and it has worked amazingly with my depression.

I struggle with severe low esteem and anxiety, no confidence, always worrying and fretting etc in most areas of my life (especially work/relationships) and this has ruined another relationship.

After a discussion, my new boyfriend (who has been brilliant with my mental health) made a comment about how he had no preference between oral sex with his ex or me.

Now, I know this is extremely petty and silly and ridiculous, but I am so extremely hurt by this. I got very upset with him over this, and consequently told him to leave me alone and that we are through as I felt hurt and rejected and knew that it wouldn't be the same again.

A few hours later, I regret my reaction, but I am still so hurt by his remark.

Am I irrational??

The thought of it has me in a near panic attack.

Someone please help me fix my head in this situation sad

1 like, 7 replies

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7 Replies

  • Posted


    Firstly - why was this brought up in the first place? Did you ask your boyfriend whose oral he preferred or did he just decide to tell you that?...

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    • Posted

      I we were discussing sex, experience etc. I said it jokingly, expecting him to laugh with me but his response was a shrug and no preference.
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    • Posted

      Oh. That's nice of him!

      I mean really he should have at least lied and said of course yours is better! The truth is probably that he - as well as most blokes - doesn't have an actual preference when it comes down to the act itself. This sounds kinda hurtful but it's just how guys are.

      However, unless he's a bit dim, I'm sure he knows how that response would upset you so I'm confused as to why he would respond like that.

      Do you ask him those sort of questions a lot? How has he responded in the past? Did he apologise or try to explain and reassure you?

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    • Posted

      Not really, I don't like the idea of an answer I won't want to hear so avoid it!

      He didn't say much else after I was upset, just "okay", and "fine".

      Which didn't help ease my mind.

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  • Posted

    Look, I know my husband likes oral sex more than almost anything else we do, but I really have to be the right mood for it, which isnt that often, and which he does respect. I think this is something you have to develop over time with a partner. It will never be really easy.
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    • Posted

      What a guy expects as the norm is often different from what a woman can respond to.  I dont do things that I wont like at the time, and sometimes I feel guilty about it, but honestly is paramount with me and my husband.

      I tell him I need time and he is OK with that. Honesty is the best way forward for a lasting relationship.


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