Scared

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My daughter married a very unbalanced man 15yrs ago he was violent and she had a baby to him but left him not long after son was born. We have not seen him since then. However he has commited murder and in jail for life. my grandson has found out about this i dont know how to deal with this. I think he has known for a while as he started suffering with depression a while back. but wont talk to anyone and i suffer depression and anxiety myself so i am desperate for help and advice. I am stressing and imagine all sorts of things

 

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  • Posted

    You can help your grandson know that he is a totally different person than his father. Often a young person will think that if their father is bad then maybe I too am bad. But we as adults need to assure them that they are their own individual. (The father has left a very bad legacy for his son. But it is not the son's responsibility.)

    The best thing for the grandson is to be kept away from his father, if it is possible.

    You must be the grandmother. My grandmother was very important in my childhood. Her strength and consistency made me feel safe and loved as a child. I didn't realize that until later in my life after she passed away. Maybe your grandson feels that way about you. He may never say it out loud because men learn it is not ok to talk about their tender feelings. I can tell you love him and your daughter.

    Take care of yourself and know that each person will become aware of their own answers to life's problems in their own way. We can offer suggestions but mostly we can just be there for them. 

     

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  • Posted

    Hello Jran, I am sorry that this as happened to your family and especially to your grandson. It is lovely that you care about him. I would of suggested counselling but as he is still quite young that may not be right at the moment. If he doesn't open up about how he feels it's best to keep an eye on him for signs of depression. In the meantime give him love and reassuring him that he is a lovely and unique lad, praise him with his studies. Try not to be over protective but be caring. If he mentions his father reassure him that what his father did was wrong and that he was responsible for his own actions. Grandparents have a unique relationship with their grandchildren. Tell him that he can come to you anytime and talk about anything. If he is over 16 you could talk to him about seeing a GP about medication and or counselling explaining that it is nothing to be ashamed of needing help. Tread carefully and tactfully. If however he wants to talk to you about his father don't push it aside, let him open up and express his feelings. Thou it is hard for anyone to open up to their loved ones. I hope this helps.

    Elizabeth.  

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    • Posted

      Thank you I am starting to feel stronger myself now I appreciate the good advice from you & Kim and will use it to his benefit i hope. Happy New Year & Be king to yourself

       

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