Scared I have bowel cancer

I have had bleeding on and off for a few years and recurrent itching (especially when having a long walk, drinking too much alcohol and having a bad diet), always put it down to hemorrhoids.

Whenever I have bleeding, wiping my anus is very painful and the bleeding is only on toilet paper, not in or on the stool.

I first visited my GP because I thought I was bleeding everyday (seeing red streaks in my stools) but after examining the stools with stool samples and fecal occult blood tests, the lab told me it was undigested food such as carrots, tomato skins or red peppers, that eased my mind a bit.

Just to be on the safe side, my GP referred me to a gastroenterologist to see if my "hemorrhoids" needed rubber band ligation or not. Ended up the gastroenterologist did not see any hemorrhoids while performing an anoscopy so it scared me a lot... Because what I thought to be hemorrhoids bleeding, is apparently not. However, after the gastroenterologist pulled out the anoscope, I had immediate bleeding. I told him and said that the anoscope could have teared my anus. I had bleeding for 3 days after this visit, which I hope was indeed caused by the anoscope... The gastroenterologist prescribed me some stool softeners as the bleeding I experienced seemed to be triggered by constipation and a local cream to ease the itching. He told me that there was nothing to worry about if the stool sampled showed no blood and that the blood was probably coming from recurrent tears (which I did not have during the anoscopy...). He told me to come back only if I experienced bleeding again.

Case was almost disclosed, and I was a bit reassured.

However, last Christmas after a heavy typical Christmas diner, I had blood on toilet paper AGAIN ! This time, blood wasn't brought by constipation. I had mad diarrhea and after pooping 4-5 times in the same day, the last pooping was so painful that I saw little red spots on the toilet paper when wiping.

I had what I thought to be a change in bowel habits, because my stools were softer and looser but after visiting back my parent during Christmas (they don't eat a lot of veggies and stuff), my stools were back to "almost normal" (my stools are thinner than before, definitely not pencil-thin though) and I had no more loose, soft and fool-smelling stools.

Today I had what I thought to be blood in stools, but after examining the stool (yeah I know it's gross) and remembering I ate diced carrots yesterday, I told my self that the red/orange patches in stool which looked more like solid bits than blood streaks were probably just the food I ate.

Thing is, whatever I eat, I very often find it in my stools. So it's a constant fear of judging whether or not it's blood or food. According to stool sampled, it's food... But how will I be able to tell that I have blood in my stool if every time I eat carrots / tomatoes / red peppers I end up having red patches in my stools ?!

This whole thing is driving me mad, I cry almost everyday because I'm scared of bowel cancer...

The itching, the occasional blood on toilet paper (5-10 times a year), the occasional sensation of burning when passing a hard stool / violent diarrhea makes me think I may have bowel cancer... Especially rectal cancer.

I have no pain, no anemia, stool samples are fine, blood tests are fine, I have no pain but I can't tell if I really have a change in bowel habits... I can certainly say that I don't go more often. I can also say that I don't have persistent diarrhea or constipation. But my stools are smaller than before...

My parents think I'm going crazy with this and that I need therapy. I went to a shrink before because of mad anxiety / hypochondria because I always think I have cancer... But this time there's the occasional blood and smaller stools so these are real symptoms of cancer...

What do you guys think ? Is it a mental issue ? Should I go back to the GP again and push for more exams ?

Please help me, I'm completely lost...

Regards

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