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Scared of living

Posted , 6 users are following.

Jen09
Jen09

I used to be a creative, loving, happy and excitable person. Now I wake up with an overwhelming fear and I'm terrified of the day ahead, all my energy and hope has disappeared. I can't eat, I can't enjoy anything I can't work, I feel like my life has been taken away from me and I'm so scared I'll never get it back, I'm so scared of having to live with this forever. My family are so supportive and so is my boyfriend of two years he has been so understanding but I feel like I can't even love him any more and that we won't have a future because I have no future. I'm 24 and have been taking 10mg of citolopram for about 5 weeks.... Will this go away? 

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • jackie82937
    jackie82937 Jen09

    Posted

    It all sounds normal, sadly when you are suffering depression you want to push everyone away, everything feels negative and likely to remain permanent.  With the right help and treatment it is possible to get better but you have to want to do this, also it can be a queston of trying different medication, what suits one person doesn't always suit another and you have to give the medication time to kick in.  If you are worried about the meds go back to your GP.  Thinking you are not in love anymore is also normal.  Lost my husband due to depression, he now has clinical depression with anxiety and pushed us all away, he's even pushed away medical help.  If your boyfriend and family are supportive that's brilliant, it's not easy but the best thing to do is be honest with people about how you feel.  Take care.
  • carmel83758
    carmel83758 Jen09

    Posted

    Hi Jen. So sorry you feel this way. Fear is about anxiety and that is very different to depression but it seems this fear and anxiety also causes depression. It is great that you have a supportive family and boyfriend, some have to try to cope without that, you are so young to feel so bad. It may be that citolpram is not the right thing for you, as you know some take a while to get in the system but there are so many alternative medications you can try if this one does not work. So let us hope this one does work but it is not the end of the World if it does not. The people on this site wish you well and care as well as your family and boyfriend. I know it is hard to look on the bright side but it is important to.
  • Jen09
    Jen09

    Posted

    Thankyou both, I'm a little in disbelief that this is actually happening sometimes I think maybe it's not an illness and it's just me and that makes me even more scared but of course that's ridiculous as this is not normal behaviour! I worry that I can't be there for my boyfriend and that he needs me too and the thought of anyone needing me is scary as I can barely take care of myself and I'm just so unpleasant to be around right now. I can't get out of bed in the morning and need to call someone to help me get up I just feel useless and like a burden. I know I'm very lucky to have so much love and support and that's why I keep going. I'll go back to my gp soon perhaps I need a higher doseage. I've only been this way for 2 or 3 months and I've not really suffered with it before

    Jen x 

    • carmel83758
      carmel83758 Jen09

      Posted

      Hi Jen. Have you got any ideas as to what brought it on?
    • Jen09
      Jen09 carmel83758

      Posted

      Well I have always had some form of anxiety mostly social but it never held me back or developed into depression, I was working in a job that was causing me a lot of stress and worry and working another job on the side I was always stressed and exhausted and didn't spend time doing fun activities any more I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and I think it just all got a bit much a few months in and I started feeling panicked a lot. I'm not currently working at all but I'm not getting any better 
    • jackie82937
      jackie82937 Jen09

      Posted

      Hi Jen

      I have had both anxiety attacks and agoraphobia, I took Seroxat for years.  I have come through this and should be feeling really ill at the moment with the husband running off away from us all but I'm doing really well.  It affects so many people, I used to think why me?  I'd always been so confident but blips in life do happen and as a result of what I experienced I was able to see my husband was having anxiety attacks.  How you feel is normal, when you feel like you do all you can focus on is your own survival.  I know I wanted someone to hit me on the head when  I was at my worst,  I even flagged an ambulance down and made them take me to A & E but I laugh about that now.  I know anxiety is very frightening but if you can analyse the trigger it may help.  I got to a stage where I thought I take control and live my life or I let the panic attacks rule my life.  I analysed them they mae me feel awful but I didn't die from an Asthma attack, hearat attack or anything else they were just unpleasant when I got that straight in my head they slowly dissappeared.  People are here and will support you on this site.  Take care J

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