Scared of neurological disease
Posted , 7 users are following.
Dear all,
I will type maybe a little bit longer post, and sorry if I mistype something as English is not my maternal language.
I really seeking for reassurance as I am scared to death. I am sorry in advance for possibly confusing text, i haven't sorted it in my head still.
My first problems began around four years ago. I had stomach issues involving Helicobacter Pylori and Hiatus Hernia. That caused some chest pain, lack of breath and so on so I was scared that my heart will stop working and used to go to a lot of cardiologist, ambulances etc... That caused a lot of anxiety for me as I was living alone far from home on college. In that time a started feeling my muscles getting tired pretty fast, mostly my shoulders, calves and sometimes even chewing muscles. Back then I visited two neurologist and they said everything is ok, I did some tests for Miastenia and Lyme disease and they were clear. My problem with stomach was found and threated and that's when chest pains stoped and anxiety calmed.
I felt this tiredness in muscles all along but wasn't anxious about them and lived a full life until a year ago when I started telling that I am just waiting for tiredness and weakness to progress.
I graduated veterinary college and started working, came back home in february and then I started feeling like I am getting tired easier even then before, but it wasn't that I couldn't do something. I just felt that if I lean across the table to take something when I get in primary position my legs feel tired and weak. All this four years I had moment when I feel like I am floating while laying in bed, or like there is an earthquake and ground is shaking while sitting. Not always, but sometimes, especially when I am tired. Then a 3-4 months ago I noticed my neck was feeling heavy, like I couldn't keep my head straight, but I could. I noticed that my muscles would start shaking on some most common actions. The most when I am nervous or anxious about some situation, but even without feeling that way.
Then, three months ago worst moment ever came. I went to google and typed neuromuscular diseases reading symptoms of all of them. I came across ALS a that's when biggest problems started. Culdn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think anything except that. I went to see neurologist and she said that all looks ok, she suspected for possible miastenia or polidiscopatia and sent me to emng. She said that if it was ALS i would probably be dead by now. Emng was clear. My antibodies from blood for miastenia were clear.
Then one day I was taking lunch with my friends and it felt like it's hard for me to cut the meat with knife, but I did it. Few days after I got drunk and in the morning my hand(fist) including carpal wrist felt really, really weak. Not all the time but often. Then a month after my right hand fasciculations and fibrilations started all around my extremities, sometimes neck, torso and so on. It was a month ago. I started taking magnesium, b vitamins(but blood tests were ok) and fasciculation are much less for the past five days. Still there but much less. They are not tipical. It is not a long period of time for one musle. It is just i feel it for a second and it is gone, sometimes it is longer. Sometimes like there is a worm under my skin moving. I was on ALS forums, red about peoples experiences and found myself there. For example, one man said that his right hand was shaking while yawning and that he was yawning a lot, and it is the same with me. In that moment when I saw that I jumped out of my skin.
I still do everything with my hand, there is no weakness that I can't but there are moment when I feel like powerlessness while holding something in my hand or just hold hand in some position. I didn't drop anything when I feel it but it is a strong feeling. Also, I got a feeling that when I do something with that hand it's like after activity I feel a couple of fasciculations, and by observing it I think there is a small atrophy, but I am not sure if it is natural that one hand(I am a lefty and this is right) has less developed muscles than other.
I didn't lose strength. I measure grip strength, and it's the same, just this feeling that is driving me crazy, including fast tiredness of other muscles, but fast recovery to.
Please tell me, can all of this be anxiety?
Sorry for the long post,
hope to get some answers.
Thank you in advance
0 likes, 26 replies
Rogola
Posted
Also, I forgot to say, probably a lot of thing I am feeling, but the one that comes to my mind right now is that I get tingling easier than before. For example when I lean on my hands I fell tingling in small finger and finger next to it. When i am on toilet there is tingling in my legs, or even when I cross legs there is tingling. I now that positional tingling is normal, but this occurs much more faster then ever before.
As well, I noticed a couple of times in social situations like I was speaking weird, but no one noticed that around me. And it comes back to normal soon. A couple of times for this four years I felt like a can not swallow but I succeed. I comfort myself with thinking that those symptoms do not come and go in ALS, but when They occur they are there constantly.
jan34534 Rogola
Posted
please stay off of the ALS forums. you do not have that. I had a muscle weakness, tiredness, muscle fasciculations all over my body, floaters in my eyes, tingling, and many more symptoms. In my 20s. All due to stress and anxiety over a long time. ALS is way more common in middle-age . You can have fasciculations and they are very common with anxiety and stress. Many athletes also get them with how they use their muscles. It’s not just about ALS. When you get them with that disease it is in the late stage not in the beginning.
Your body is simply reacting to all the stress that you have had. Symptoms from stress and anxiety will not hurt you. I have had them on and off for over 30 years and I am doing fine. I still get fasciculations every now when I am stressed out. But they don’t scare me at all anymore.
You have been checked out by your doctor now it’s time to learn how to manage your stress. Have you ever considered speaking with a counselor? This is difficult to do on your own and it helps to talk to someone who can help. The more you worry about this, the more symptoms you will get.
Believe me, I’ve been through it for a very long time! Once you relax your mind and get some help with this, your symptoms will settle down.
you are going to be OK! Do things that relax you. Stay off of googling your symptoms it’s only going to make you feel worse. take care of yourself and get some help with this.
Rogola jan34534
Posted
Dear Jan, thank you for your answer!
i know that I suffer from anxiety, it is just that it's so specific that specifically one hand(fist) feels tense, weak, often like there is pressure inside of it and in the same time it is the same hand where I see I have smaller muscles than on the other. And that begun after appointment with neurologist. That is why I go in full panic mode per moments.
I am doing something about anxiety. I am going to private therapist once a week, but this week she is on official trip.
Thank you again for your kind answer,
I wish you all the best!
josh70503 Rogola
Posted
i also thought i had ALS because of arm weakness. tingling hands. leg weakness. started watching youtube videos of people with ALS so it convinced me i had it even planed my life because i thought i had only a couple of years left. worse thing you can do google or youtube dont do it. funny thing is all your symptoms and mine are anxiety symptoms. for me i said to myself stuff this it isnt going to knock me down i started running alot which worked for me
Rogola josh70503
Posted
Dear Josh, thank you for your answer. My concerns are because beside my muscles feeling tired after short activity and recover fast after that, this specific weakness, pressure, odd feeling is in just one hand(fist). that's what scared me. I convince myself that that is anxiety also because I have better and worse days with hand. Always feeling that weakness, but on some days less than others so I guess that cannot happen with ALS. It just feels too real to not pay attention. I see that for example my thenar muscles are smaller on weak hand than on the other, but still convincing myself that is because I am left handed and it is logical that left fist has bigger muscles.
Thank you again for your response, every word helps and counts! All the best to you!
josh70503 Rogola
Posted
yeah i understand your pain with these thoughts. with ALS your symptoms would get worse and wouldnt come and go so that is a good thing. are you taking any meds for your anxiety?
Rogola
Posted
To be honest, no, not yet. This professional I am seeing is psychotherapist, not a psychiatrist so we are now trying to work it through therapies only. She thinks a good sign is that I sleep well at nights, and that to certain extent I am aware of my anxiety and anxious thoughts, not just about health, even the others.
josh70503 Rogola
Posted
ok well that is good then
Rogola josh70503
Posted
Well, I guess it is good until i feel weakness in hand, or when I feel like i walk weird and than anxious thought go crazy on me. I immediately see myself in bed, with parents worried. I immediately see myself never get to marry my beloved girlfriend, or get a chance to open my own veterinary practice and so on... The worst thoughts start as soon as the feeling. It is awful.
Thank you once again for your answers, it is nice to see someone taking their time to help.
lisa17089 Rogola
Posted
hey
I hear you loud and clear. this is me also. I suffer with terrible health anxiety and it runs my life my 3 biggest fears are Als, dementia and cancer. I suffer with terrible fasculations and muscle pain and stiffness, I've also had swallowing issues. my arms neck and shoulders ache constantly and I cant hold my arms up above my head for very long, I also have very little strength in my arms, and recently joined the gym to try and make this better, needless to say I nearly killed myself and couldn't manage any of the exercises, I tried to do a press up but couldn't even manage 1 as my arms are not strong enough to hold my body weight. my hand also get tired very quickly when writing and have to keep stopping to rest it. I also suffer with body jerks and sometimes my arm or leg will just jerk on it's own, mostly when I'm relaxing or falling asleep. of course I googled all this as I always do and Als came up, I've since been obsessed with it and cant stop thinking about it. I too have been on forums and read some stories, which are similar to what I suffer with and have frightened myself to death. I too yawn quite a lot and my memory is shocking. my hand often just shakes on it's own. so yes I know exactly how you feel, I also know that anxiety can and does make all these things worse. some of them I have suffered with for many years and they to come and go. I try to make myself feel better by thinking if it was als then the symptoms would be there all the time. I'm sure you are ok, anxiety is a terrible thing, I know exactly how you feel xx
Rogola lisa17089
Posted
Hi Lisa, thank you for your answer. Yeah, it's really a nightmare. The only thing I am explaining to myself while trying to be logical is that if it was the worst disease fasciculations probably wouldn't become less frequent for past 6-7 days, but they would be worse, an in my case they are getting better. As well as I am saying to myself when I feel hand weakness It can not come and go, or be worse and better. when it occurs in diseases it can be the same intesity or getting worse. So those are some ways I comfort myself. I have a bathroom scale and every day I am measuring grip strength and I see it hasn't become weaker, it stays the same. We must find a ways to calm ourselves when panic starts.
Mamabearkc Rogola
Posted
i have had anxiety for 29 years and i have learned that anxiety can cause too many symptoms to even name. although i do not have those same fears i have had similar feelings. but because i am so fixated on my own fears, i am somehow able to let those go. your mind is a very powerful thing.do this little experiment i am about to tell you just to give a little glimpse of what we are capable. first stand up and look straight ahead of you with one arm extended and pointing straight. now try to twist your upper body, still pointing, as far as you can without moving your feet. so keep your feet in place and twist at the hips. after you twist as far as you can, look to see where you are pointing. do that first and then continue to read the next step.
now in the same position, imagine yourself twisting in the same direction, but imagine twisting past that point you got to and keep going (this is just imagining in your head. keep imagining yourself twisting until you are all the way twisted around and back at your starting point. now for step three, redo part one and compare how far you can twist now to how far you could the first time. you will be amazed. now with all that said, what im getting at is that our minds ans bodies are capable of all kinda of things. also nothing anyone says about you not having anything wrong, your mind will always think otherwise. its ocd and no doctor can help you with your doubts. you should focus on healing the ocd and not the health issues you only believe you have. there are some good videos on youtube that help explain how ocd works. just having a better understanding of it all can help you feel better.
Rogola Mamabearkc
Posted
Hey Mamabear, thank you for your answer. You are right, our mind is capable of a lot of things we are not even aware and it is scary because it feels so realistic that for the moment you can't convince yourself that it is anxiety working. Some fasciculations, or hand weakness happen while I am not anxious or when I am doing something and not thinking about symptoms, that's when I get scared the most.
Mamabearkc Rogola
Posted
there are days that i have what i would call very little anxiety but my mind does not care and i will still get those same feelings. have you been cleared for fasciculations issues? get a second opinion and if there is still no diagnosis then really start to focus on treating the anxiety.
Rogola Mamabearkc
Posted
thank you for your answer!
I was to see other neurologist 10-12 days ago and she said also that everything looks fine and there is no suspition for als or anything similar. Then my fasciculations whee less frequent but two days ago started again to show more often and today they are crazy. What makes me go in full panic mode is that they appear while I am at rest but usually almost immediately after activity. For example I am walking and after I sit I feel them while muscles are resting after activity. That worries me a lot. Also today I feel left foot like it's numb after a short activity but I can walk and use it and when I stop I feel tingling i both my feet. This is making me go crazy really. Full panic mode. Today I started feeling even my right forearm going weak, not only hand. I really don't know what to do anymore, I am so scared.
Rogola
Posted
and it is not even like full fasciculation. It is sometimes but sometimes it is just like something is crackling and popping in different places in my muscles, mostly in my left calf. I don't know how to describe it. I just cannot believe it is all from anxiety. don't know that the hell is happening to me. Plus all muscle tiredness. This is so exhausting.
Mamabearkc Rogola
Posted
as i have mentioned i have different fears. mainly of vomiting but i also get fixated on other things like cancers and other health issues. i literally feel stomach pain everyday. I also get other GI symptoms. this is everyday of my life. ive had testing done as well and i am all cleared. if you asked someone who had a fear of brain tumors they would most definitely tell you they have real pains in their head and any other symptom that involves brain tumors. i have read countless stories on health anxiety and almost every single person cannot believe that their very real symptoms are just anxiety. please, you are wasting precious life that could be joy filled but you need to start working on the anxiety. you had a few days of relief after you saw a doctor. go get a massage and practice getting your body in a parasympathetic state. just see what that will do for you.
Rogola Mamabearkc
Posted
Thank you for your comment Mamabear! I most certainly have to do something about this. I will follow your advice and take a massage.