Scared? Thoughts? Comments?

Posted , 12 users are following.

First off, at two and a half months and I apologize for the amount of discussions by me lately. I'm back to being basically bed bound after having a decent week compared to before. I know this sounds crazy, but is it normal to be scared and even be fearful of death? My bloodwork came back fine (minus the mono clearly), but I just have felt so sick for so long that I'm scared of dying. My mom has made comments about how I don't look the same and it really bothered me. Also having symptoms life body aches, chest pains, shortness of breath, brain fog and dizziness sure does make you fearful. I'm 18 I shouldn't be so scared of dyingsad

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  • Posted

    Yes.  Totally 100% normal.  Mono makes you feel like you are dying on top of giving the worst anxiety ever which just makes it worse.  I'm so sorry you are there.  The ups and downs of the relapse are the hardest part.  I had a relapse 3 1/2 months in that was really severe.  I was bedridden for 2 weeks.  It was so disheartening.  Now at 5 1/2 months my relapses have only lasted a day or two and I'm not bedridden but more like stuck at home.  This virus is the absolute worst.  I thought I had cancer, heart problems, CFS, central nervous system damage.  You name it.  I'm still nervous that something else is wrong because I'm so sensitive to everything right now.  

    Do you keep a journal?  I highly recommend it.  Even just on your laptop/phone.  And get really honest, don't hold back.  Mostly because it gives you a good gauge of your progress which is hard to see in the moment.

    Hang in there girl! You being 18 is a good thing as far as recovery.  

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    • Posted

      I completely understand the thinking other things are wrong! I've been going to the dr regularly and everything seems to check out. I did see a cardiologist though because my heart rate has been irregular/fast at times but all the testing and ekg is normal so I was diagnosed with sinus tachycardia (fast heart due to infection). Was told should resolve with time, but everything is so hard! I've been keeping a journal but I always find myself in tears while writing lol. Praying for your recovery!! Glad I am able to relate.

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  • Posted

    Hey Christina....

    I got sick back in June and got the mono diagnosis about 3 weeks later. I'm thankful to be 95% better now but its been a long slow painful process. I just want to say that from what I have experienced, abnormal fear and stress seems to be "normal". I am typically a very relaxed and mostly patient person but for a couple months the tiniest things irritated me, and I was also extra emotional. (this came after the brain fog, during which I couldn't think AT ALL, and then when I COULD think, I didn't feel like the same person!) It also turned me into more of an introvert than I've ever been... Something that's slowly gone away but I'm still not as excited about social settings as I used to be.

    All this to say...this stuff messes with your mind. Hang in there and ride it out, you ARE going to be okay!! Its horribly miserable.... And by the way, my mom told me i looked different too so I guess that's normal too 😉 love and prayers. ?

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    • Posted

      This virus definitely seems to have a mental role as well!! So glad to hear you are doing better. I feel you on the introvert part, because when you are this sick everyone else is still going out and they simply don't understand what you're going through. May I ask what symptoms you had? It's weird because my brain fog is more of a disconnected feeling lol. 

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    • Posted

      When it first started it was a bad cough, which just wouldn't go away. I was feeling so weak, as well, so after a couple weeks I went to the doctor. At that point I didn't have some of the "classic" symptoms so testing for mono was kinda an after thought, and she thought maybe some of my glands were a bit swollen. Sure enough......of course they gave me the 2-4 weeks prognosis but I've decided that they must just try to sound really positive!!!!

      I had the whole run of symptoms although I never had the rashes and sore throat that a lot of people get, and hardly any fever. I had body aches so bad that I decided I didn't WANT to live to be old, it was too miserable. (I'm only 22)

      The brain fog was horrible, some days I couldn't even put complete sentences together. Sleep schedule was messed up, some days I couldn't eat... I spent two months in bed and the next two months living kinda normally with constant aches and frequent naps! And since then its just gradually improved.

      One thing that seems to help that I've been taking since October is Monolaurin. (The mono part has nothing to do with the sickness!) its a product that comes from coconuts-someone that had Lyme disease recommended it to me and I now highly recommend it to anyone with Mono!! Inspired Nutrition sells it,you can order it from them or Amazon. Look it up, I could def tell a difference after I started taking it and im kinda scared to stop now! ?

      And I would be interested in hearing if anyone else has used it.

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    • Posted

      Hi Rickie, I also took Monolaurin. I could not tell any difference. I read lots of articles some arguing against taking it. They said a tablespoon of coconut oil was best because it has all of the fatty acid chains in it where Monolaurin does not.

      Each of us are different. Each of our bodies may respond differently. I have took thousands of dollars vitamins and supplements. I truly could not not tell that any helped. The only thing I continue to take is probiotic.

      I'm happy that the Monolaurin helps you and I did read some testimonies that said it did help them. I think this virus is so horrible most of us are so desperate to get help we are open to try any vitamin or supplement which promises to help.

      I went to two Naturopathic physicians as well as ER visits, cardiologist, and gastroenterologist.

      The most improvement I've had has been since I get weekly massages and Chiropractic treatments. Whether they have helped or just the body has almost gotten the virus under control due to the time it has been ( almost 18 months).

      I just am so thankful to be so much better. I find I'm so much more grateful for the ability God has restore to me to do things I once took for granted!

      Prayers for all!

      Rhonda

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the input, Rhonda!!

      I am very interested in hearing what people have used and what worked and what didnt. I don't think there is any magic pills, and the most important thing is for each person to take care of themselves and let their system rebuild. I should specify that I started with the Monolaurin when I already seemed to be on the upswing. It did not by any means suddenly cure me suddenly peak of my sickness... I do feel its increased energy and overall well being. I still take other basic immune building vitamins as well.

      So glad that you feel better-18 months is a LONG time. You are definitely right about Mono giving an increased thankfulness for the things I used to take for granted!!!!

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  • Posted

    Christina, this virus is so horrible. Don't feel alone in being fearful you are going to die. Most of us have felt the same way because of all the symptoms and the slow recovery time. I know I looked so bad my little neighbor boy ask me if I was dying. I cried every time I looked in the mirror.

    The ups and downs are also something we all seem to experience.

    Keep telling yourself you will get well. This will not last forever. Even though there are times it does not seem to be true it is. Try to just take it minute by minute. Please don't judge how one day will be on how the last one was. There will be lots of times symptoms fade a bit and then return with a vengeance! I'd say I'm probably 85-90% better but it has been and on occasion it still is a struggle. When our body is hit hard with all the unbelievable symptoms our emotions are also hit with a major Whamy

    ! As your body defeats the virus your emotions and fears will get back to pre virus state. Your body will indeed defeat the virus and win the battle!

    Prayers, Rhonda

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for the response! It has definitely messed with my emotions by surrounding them all around the sickness and being fearful. Trying my best to stay positive though. Keeping you in my prayers and glad you are feeling better. 
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    • Posted

       HI Rhonda,

      I am so glad you are feeling better, you have always been such a comfort, I am feeling better too.

      Christina, the things you are feeling are very normal with mono and you will recover, even if it doesn't feel that way at the moment. I had many moments of feeling like I was dying and I am 55. Thankfully things have improved. At 2.5 months I thought I would never feel better. The fact that you have had a few good days is a good sign, one of the first signs of recovery is a few good days every now and again.

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  • Posted

    The only good thing about this illness is that you don't die because of it.

    ?The first weeks (maybe even first 2 months, can't remember for sure) I was terribly scared too, I've been to the neurologist, cardiologist etc, thought I had MS, brain tumor, parkinsons etc, and each time seemed to be so real, the symptoms resembled so much. Now I'm not scared anymore, just very very tired of all this long process. Well, I'm still a bit scared once in a while, when I have anxiety or panic attacks, but I don't keep the worry all day long.

    ?I've done the worst I could do with this illness at the beginning, I worried and I got very scared and I continued working and not resting. I wish I hadn't...

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  • Posted

    Hey Christina,

    What you are feeling and thinking is very normal. I am also at 2.5 months of being ill with “a virus” (maybe mono, my blood tests for EBV were inconclusive and I tested negative twice on the monospot test). One doctor concluded I have a virus like mono, or mono and I’m one of the small percentage that always shows up negative on monospot. So please, take comfort that at least you know 100% it’s mono.

    I know how ill you feel and how scary it is. I went from being an active 24 year old going to the gym everyday, gardening, shopping, working.. to being off work for the last 2.5 months when I suddenly fell ill. 

    I’ve been to emergency at least 6 times due to chest pain, incredible weakness and shortness of breath, and just feeling like I’m dying. Like you, all my tests came back fine. Blood work (had at least 15 vials total taken over the 10 weeks) CT, EKG, X-rays all came back fine. That’s why I’m on this forum all my symptoms are of mono and my doctors said that it’s a reasonable guess that this is what I have. 

    Like you, I was recovering from whatever this is and then I had a relapse. So bad in fact, I was at the hospital for 3 days demanding they test me for everything. I literally know what you mean about feeling like you’re dying and being scared. I hope when you read this, it brings you comfort that your feelings have been experienced by others going through this. You’ll be ok. May I suggest some guided meditation for body healing on YouTube? It’s very relaxing.. I fall asleep in about 10 minutes each time I do it. Never get through the whole thing... maybe it will offer you some relief.

    Sending you hugs. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Christina,

    I know exactly how you feel! Those feelings of fear sent me looking for this very forum, to make sure what I was feeling was a normal symptom of the virus.

    I've found that it is pretty much unanimous that acute anxiety and depression are very common with Mono.

    I have laid awake at night sobbing, convinced that I was going to die, leaving behind a 4-yr-old child and husband. Morbid thoughts of death and dying were constantly streaming through my head. I knew what I was feeling wasn't logical, but it didn't make it any less scary. There are still times when the feeling of panic creeps in, but I am better able to rationalize that it is just the virus rearing its ugly head. (Not that it is any less miserable.)

    Keep taking good care of yourself, and consider taking herbal supplements and vitamins to boost your body during this harrowing fight.

    I began taking astralagus root 3 days ago to help boost my system, and also ordered ashwagandha, to see if that helps boost my mood.

    Everybody else has already made good suggestions, but one thing that helps me relax is soaking the the tub with epsom salts (2 cups per bath), maybe with a couple of drops of lavender essential oil. 

    Keep resting and be kind to your body.

    Try to take comfort in the thought that it will pass, and you will be well again!

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  • Posted

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’m also sorry to report it does seem to be normal - add one more (28yo) to the list that has similar thought. I got blood work done just 5 days ago and can’t help but think I’m going into septic shock. I also have lost about 12 lbs and was told I look miserable constantly by a coworker. It is a horrible headspace to live in but I hope it’s comforting to know you aren’t alone. Sending you my best as you struggle with this.
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  • Posted

    Hey Christina,

    I really do empathise with how you're feeling, and as LIsa said yes for sure these fears and horrible emotions and symptoms are very common during the virus. It's a horrible sinking feeling I know, like you can't really comprehend what's going on or how to get through it. Just remember it will pass though, and sometimes the symptoms are so intense and strong they make you feel like there's all sorts of serious things going on (I was like that too so worried about everything), but actually all these symptoms are part of how the virus affects your body and your mindset after that too.

    Christina, just want to reassure you that no matter how bad you feel today, you WILL recover from this and as a young woman recovery will come fully and you have lots and lots of healthy and happy times to look forward to, I truly truly believe that. It's hard to see or feel it right now I know, but just stay calm, take deep breaths and remember in these hard days just cope with one small thing and day at a time, and remember how you are feeling now is now how you're always going to feel - things definitely WILL get MUCH better for you - hang in there and thinking of you today Christina.

    Take care, rest and be kind to yourself (do something you enjoy that you're able to at the moment, even if it's just watching a tv show you like, listening to music, reading, having a bath, seeing a friend - whatever you feel up to but don't push yourself too hard)

    Craig

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    • Posted

      Hey Evelyn - don't think your post has come through for whatever reason, just in case you're wondering why no responses as yet.

      Craig

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