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Scared to go to sleep

Posted , 7 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

I've been very stupid this evening, had a glass of wine with my dinner around 6.30 got very agitated thoughts of self harming Tec so went out for a walk, took 5 mg of diazepam spoke to the Samaritans came home had two more glasses of wine cos what the help. Now I'm lying in bed thinking should I go to sleep will I wake up in the morning. Stupid or what I feel ok but very relaxed.

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • jo57386
    jo57386 tina89895

    Posted

    Of course you will wake up. Good night x
    • tina89895
      tina89895 jo57386

      Posted

      Thanks I'll drift off then most probably be late for work too as got to get up in 5 hours. Night 😴
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Morning all I still woke up every two hours. I feel so stupid now, that's nothing new. Now got to get through work without annoying anyone or losing my temper. Thanks guys for last night.. At least I know now I would have to take more meds and drink a lot more.

    • hypercat
      hypercat tina89895

      Posted

      Hi I hope you are not talking about drinking a lot more alcohol.  This will not help you as it is a depressant and if you are already feeling bad this will make you feel worse!  x

       

    • hypercat
      hypercat

      Posted

      Sorry just got what you meant!   You would need a lot more than 1 diazapam and a bottle of wine to kill yourself from,  so please don't worry.  x

       

  • laura08496
    laura08496 tina89895

    Posted

    hi there tina!

    please dont take this the wrong way...but DO you want to kill yourself? it took for my best friend 11 times to try until he finally succeded. he would drink alchohol and take his narcotic meds at nightime...hoping to fall asleep and never wake up. so, it took him a couple of times. until one day, his wish came true. forgive me, i'm just not sure what your goal is. a few glasses of wine at bed time is never a good idea. that doesn't always ensure a good nights sleep. but if you take your diazepam with it, you just might sleep thru the night. especially if you raise your diazepam dose after a few times realizing that its not working like it used to. narcotics work that way....and so does wine by the way.

    please educate yourself on what to expect when you begin to put that deadly combination together. get well girl

    • tina89895
      tina89895 laura08496

      Posted

      Hi thanks for all your replies. Do I want to kill myself that's the million dollar question. Yes majority of the time, yesterday was one of those days. I hate who I have become, I hate myself so much. Before you ask, I am currently undergoing IPT interpersonal therapy, 9th week this week out of 16. i'm finding it hard, this is suppose to help stabalise me then go onto help with PTS. This was all decided by a full assessment from a borderline personality specialist. I supposedly have some BP traitsthat have stayed with me all my life but others were kept under control during my marriage which sadly ended coming up to two years in a few weeks due to his death.  I feel as if I have gone back to my teenage years, I am 55 I am ashamed of my behaviour at times and unable to control my temper,  take risks and don't care if I live or die. then I'll have a good few hours then something else will happen or be said and I'm back to square one. Last night I was dreading going back to work as someone made a complaint about me all over a sigh. I lost the plot not in fromt of that person I just really hate who I am and don't really know who I am. I;m getting so tired of keep trying. But you pick yourself up dust yourself off and try again and again and again. But one of these days I will succeed... 
    • tess33005
      tess33005 tina89895

      Posted

      That was very intuitive on Laura's part.

      So now we know what's really happening, we can help.

      I really hope that you NEVER succeed in killing yourself. Have you ever phoned the Samaritans?

      Have you really got borderline personality disorder?

      I mean, do YOU think you have?

      Stay with us. Don't let the bad feelings win. love Tess

    • tina89895
      tina89895 tess33005

      Posted

      Yes I do ring the samaritans often, spoke to them last night, I have found them very understanding and I suppose i do owe them my life when I have been on the edge. 

      I have not been diagnosed with BPD as a lot of the traits were controlled during my marriage I don't think I have but then i don't really know what goes on in my head a lot of the time. I'm going 1000 miles an hour, detatched, things seem ureal,can't think do irational things then it all calms down again for a while, hours or even a day or two. It is all very difficult to describe at times and i have great difficluty talking about things. I've spent such a long time suppressing my emotions even from childhood that it is now all coming out not in a controlled way which is what they are trying to guide me with. hope this makes some sense to you. 

      i don't want to die but want to escape these thoughts feelings and uncontrolable urges, i take risks and if it happens it happens. i don't really care which is the worrying thing.

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