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Scared to leave alcoholic partner of 16 years bc we have 2 kids together...

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jennifer53183
jennifer53183

I have been with my boyfriend for just about 17 years now and have 2 children ages 7&16. I've known boyfriend had drinking problems and even left 2 times bc of them and he swore to get better so we came back. Over the years things have host been getting more and more worse. We live with his parents bc they cannot afford living on their own and I am a stay at home mother just to shed some light. He is the primary bread maker. He drinks anywhere from 35-50 beers in a 5 day period and says he's not an alcoholic bc He takes Monday's and sometimes Tuesdays off from drinking...He has made it clear he does not want me working ( but uses not having money as an excuse to drink more) he texts me every 2-5 minutes during the day while he is at work. ( usually just a smiley or something but if I don't reply quickly enough he gets annoyed with me). doesn't like going out and doing things claims to hate people in general. My life consists of cooking cleaning and taking care of the boys and my only usual adult interaction is with the employees at a gas station we go to everyday to grab coffee. Then we come back home. That is all. My boys see him drinking my teen gets very frustrated with him and usually just avoids contact when he gets to a certain point. My youngest doesn't know any different so he thinks it's normal but dad gets mad if he wipes off his bedtime kisses bc they "smell funny" I know I should leave I don't even want to leave my bed during the day while they are at school and work bc I'm depressed and I know my kids see this. But my main concern is how do I leave with y children bc I cannot leave them around this behaviour. I grew up with alcoholic parents and I'm still not past it although both have passed away. My only family lives a few states away so if I go it won't be to stay here bc I have no income no licence no means to do everything on my own yet I'd need to have help from my sister. Any advice would be great.

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • RHGB
    RHGB jennifer53183

    Posted

    It's difficult to answer, being UK based, as I am unsure what safety nets and services are offered or exist in the States, compared with over here.

    Hopefully someone from the US or who is au fait with the system, will come along and post a reply.

    • jennifer53183
      jennifer53183 RHGB

      Posted

      Ok thank you. Am I wrong for wanting to leave? I feel horrible for wanting to walk away after being together for so long. Especially with my boys involved.
    • RHGB
      RHGB

      Posted

      There is nothing wrong in that. I never advise it as the first response, but if evertything else fails, that is the nuclear option.

      It is sad that the medical profession is so inept and uncaring regarding this condition (alcohol misuse), that they do nothing. When there are medical options (easy ones) to deal with this, that have a very high success rate for very little money.

  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 jennifer53183

    Posted

    tough situation but your long time boyfriend is going into a never ending spiral and his drinking will probably not stop unless something drastic happens. I would suggst that you try and leave. However, you have no resources and lack driving license and US has tough laws concerning social security and financial support changes from state to state (as far as I know)..somebody from US could give better advice as RHGB suggested. Robin
  • olivo
    olivo jennifer53183

    Posted

    Leave now lovely girl- I am 67 and I have left it 30 years too late- doesnt matter how you do it, with your sisters' help preferably, but please don't look back on your life ,and realise you have wasted it on a waster.  You owe it to your kids,to get them out of this mess- you are being used in many ways- get advice, get help, but please just go xx

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 olivo

      Posted

      great reply Olivo. Youi speak from experience and Jennifer still has her life in front of her... RObin
  • sharon7979
    sharon7979 jennifer53183

    Posted

    Neither you or your husband are in good places mentally. Apart from his drinking you also sound very trapped. Like the others say, US  and UK laws are very different. But are there any free services that you could access? Also have you opened up to anyone else about what your family situation is like?

    Your husband needs some kind of help too but he has to be at a point where he really does want to change. 35-50 beers a week is way too much in fairness. He has to want to change in himself not just because you both maybe row about and stuff. In all honesty he would need to show some signs that he is prepared to not continue this way. If he isnt prepared to do that then yes leaving is what you should do, even if it is just for a while until you know that he is trying to change. You sound very low so keep posting on here too as others can offer lots of support...xxx

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