Scared to start all over again. Please help
Posted , 2 users are following.
hi everyone, this is quite long but i'm terrified and really need some help. I'm 24 female for reference.
so i was on citalopram for around 3 years for severe anxiety and depression. the first week or so i felt like i was dying but i persevered and ended up doing pretty good on it. November last year i made the number one mistake and stopped taking it. i was feeling great and decided i didn't need them anymore. Please don't do this. fast forward to last month when i started getting abdominal cramps that wouldnt go away and some pretty nasty toilet business. lo and behold my anxiety comes back because im worried this is serious. My gp told me this was somatic (aka in my head) and prescribed me sertraline.
i took it for 2 days and it was the worst experience of my life. i had a serious adverse reaction and i would have died if i kept taking it. I wont list all the side effects here because there were A LOT. It took me about 3 weeks to feel somewhat 'normal' but the one that has concerned me the most was intrusive suicidal thoughts and obsessions. I have been depressed and anxious most of my life but have never been suicidal. in fact most of my anxiety comes from fear of death and getting sick so i was very concerned. Now i get these thoughts constantly which make me anxious because what if i actually do it? I do not want to die.
my gp wants to put me back on citalopram and i know it worked for me in the past but i am now terrified of anti depressants. I do not want to be suicidal and ive heard so many horror stories of people who took their lives bcos of anti depressants. I have to take some kind of medication because i cant live like this again and my therapy is at least 3 months away minimum. I'm so scared and dont know what to do. please help.
0 likes, 3 replies
katecogs danijaye96
Posted
Hi danijaye
I’m surprised your doctor put you onto a different medication than the one you were on, especially as it worked for you before.
Did you stop your medicine abruptly, as these need to be withdrawn very slowly - 6 months to a year if possible.
Your GP said your anxiety was somatic? 😮 No words ……
When you start an SSRI it first heightens your symptoms which is why we feel so bad to start with. Intrusive thoughts are quite common and are part of the anxiety condition - they’re something I was plagued with when I was ill.
The thoughts are only present because you have anxiety - they’re not ‘you’. Our body automatically makes these thoughts when we have anxiety so they’ll pop into our heads on their own - we can’t change this (yet) but its our reaction to them that we can change, and this in turn will calm those automatic thoughts down and will eventually stop coming.
Try and just let those thoughts come and go, let them be there and try not to engage with them (what if, oh no, is that me, etc etc) as its this that aggravates them. Leave them alone, don’t analyse / head chat with them as best as possible. This doesn’t give you instant relief but over time it will.
Because these thoughts come powered with a strong anxious reaction they frighten us and seem to stick. They will go away in time - honestly.
Citalopram will help and I’d urge you to speak to your GP and ask if you could start on a small dose and work your way up - even as small as 5mg. He may be able to prescribe you with a short term beta blocker that will help for now.
You’re welcome to search for me on the internet and I can talk more on intrusive thoughts, recommend some books on the subject and some brilliant websites along a successful FB group.
This is not a permanent condition - you’re not alone and you will get through this.
Do talk to your GP too though.
danijaye96 katecogs
Posted
thank you so much for replying, i'm in such a state at the moment and i cant get a single moments peace. it means so much.
The doctor told me my stomach problems were somatic and were to do with anxiety which started up again after i started getting tummy troubles. i'm still concerned about them but i know its possible that it is anxiety.
i was also surprised they gave me a new medication but i guess i just trusted the process. i prepared myself for the worst as everytime i go on medication i get the worst side effects imaginable but i was not expecting such an adverse reaction the gp told me it was very rare and stopped them straight away suspecting maybe serotonin syndrome, honestly think it has traumatised me and has made my anxiety worse.
i did stop the citalopram more or less cold turkey, i was at a point where id forget to take them for days and at some point it had been so long since i took them i just thought it best to stop altogether. i wish i had never done that.
ive been dealing with this for 10 years now and i dont know if i can do this again, im so weak, i can barely stomach food, im in fight or flight pretty much all day, i can barely function as a human right now and i dont know how im going to get through the start up of citalopram without it killing me. i have an appt in a week so will talk to my gp.
thank you for your advice though it has truly helped, i'd love to get some of those books, websites and fb group 😃
katecogs danijaye96
Posted
Hi
I know how you’re feeling as was exactly the same many years ago when I was first ill. I didn’t know what to do with myself. The thoughts and anxiety don’t leave you alone for a second all day - my only escape was sleep.
Ah I misread that then - I know when I’ve had acute anxiety it gives me an upset tummy which anxiety is known for. Its also quite common to lose your appetite too. Our tummy ‘weeps’ when we’re not well.
Yes its really not good to stop SSRI’s abruptly as they’ll make you very ill - but we’ve all done things like this because we know no better.
I had anxiety on and off for about 15 years before being started on SSRI’s and they changed my life. They’re tough meds to take.
You can do this again - can you not see your doctor this week? But do discuss with him about taking a small amount of Cit (5mg) as it shouldn’t have such an impact on you, and then increase by 5mg each time.
You’d need to find me on the internet so I can pass you some info as can’t post anything here. There is help out there and you can overcome this.
But do keep in regular touch with your Doctor and see if you can bring your appointment forward to this week. He needs to know how you are.