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Scrupilosity or...the OCD of religion

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DBE86
DBE86

Hi everyone

Just a bit of background...I have had OCD for as long as I can remember, beginning with hand washing as a child. I have two main OCD issues- one is regarding sleep- I stress that it is not insomnia, but the obsession of sleeping well, NOT sleeping well and the fear of not sleeping well.

The other one is more curious \ unusual..it's called scrupilosity, which is a fear of religion. Where does it come from? Well, I have no idea (in keeping with how irrational OCD is). My family aren't overly religious and I haven't been exposed to any extremism of any type of religion. I just wondered if anyone has any experience of such a thing?

Mine boils down to a few sub-categories: the fear of disrespecting God; the fear of going to hell; the fear of thinking I like the devil. I've tried to explain it to people that with some (not all OCDs) you can essentially 'prove' there's nothing to be fearful of by riding it out, exposure therapy, etc. With this...well, I'm convinced that I'm right to be fearful, and the only time I will know for sure will be...well, in the afterlife, when it is too late. 

More recently, my OCD has almost kind of 'mutated'- I have tried to test myself, challenge myself and stand up to it but this has lead to the train of thought that if I am successful in beating my scrupilosity, it is a sin in itself and i'm destined to go to hell. If that sounds confusing, here's an example:

I go for a run on the treadmill at the gym and push myself very hard. I feel like quitting when it gets difficult, and then the thoughts come: 'would you accept the devil's help if it means completing this run successfully?' Normally, my OCD kicks in, I spend a lot of mental time saying 'no' and stating the reasons why. Recently, I've tried to go with 'lets not justify it, let it slide and see what happens'. Sure enough, I have completed the run successfully, and without the ritualistic messages to ease the devil thought. However...this now means in my mind that I had 'help' from the devil, I'm wrong not to have dealt with it and I will go to hell.

It's very convoluted, and seeps into most things that I do. Has anyone had similar thoughts? (I am aware it is a very niche type of OCD and it reads ridiculous, even as I'm typing it it sounds daft) but it would be good to read if anyone has any help in tackling it and beating it (I've had CBT for it which has worked, but only temporarily).

Many thanks for reading.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Davesoapbox
    Davesoapbox DBE86

    Posted

    Hi DBE86,

    i have no real knowledge of OCD but I have an interest all mental health not just my own problems, I find your post most interesting and was just wondering if you have spoken to a priest/vicar/minister about this. Whereas a doctor might help with OCD as your issue seems to be religious in origin they may offer guidance 

  • DBE86
    DBE86

    Posted

    Thanks for your reply

    I have strongly considered doing this, but have stopped for fear or what I will hear. When I was 17, I asked an extremely relgious friend of mine, only to be told in no uncertain terms that what I'm doing IS bad in the eyes of God. Let's just say that wasn't what I wanted to hear..but yes, the faith option is a good possibility, and will provide a different POV from the doctors side of things. 

    • Davesoapbox
      Davesoapbox DBE86

      Posted

      DBE,

      im sorry but I chuckled a bit there, asking an extremely religious friend is like asking an x smoker for a light. I have spoken to priests before and I concider myself a Buddhist and they have endless empathy, compassion and wisdom. I think you will find it an enlightening experience 

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