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Searching for help

Posted , 5 users are following.

kim73487
kim73487

For 5 years I have been treated like a hypochondriac and drug seeker and referred to psychiatrist more time than I can count.  I was seeking help, compassion, a diagnosis and above all else, the dignity I deserved. I wanted my life back. I lost my joy, my faith, my creativity, my children's growing up and loosing my husband as fast as I type right now. I live each day with pain, suffering and poison due to opiates and failed procedures, broken promises and sadness. I have been humiliated by dr appointments, ER visits and phamisists, by peers and even "friends". 

On Dec. 28'2015' I had a Medtronic sns implant after my trial 3 wk prior. After a brutal, an unprepared recovery, I can say it was a success. Truly. In 3 wk I'll begin weening off opiates. GLADLY.

but now I have this stirring in my soul, to change my life. To let go of the bitterness I have developed towards all those who disappointed me. To become the encourager for those who search for help, who are holding on by a thread one more day. 

I also am not sure I can let go of it. How could so many be allowed to treat me this way without consequences? Shouldn't there be consequences for all the trauma bestowed to me?  Those who take an oath to do no harm, those who take an oath to be faithful and to love in sickness and in health. 

I honestly want to be free from that pain as I am also shedding the physical pain. 

Does any any of this make sense? 

Kim

2 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • lindagkelly
    lindagkelly kim73487

    Posted

    Dear Kim,

    You can post a public review about the doctors who have treated you on their website. You can write a letter to the hospital director about the treatment you received in the ER. You can sit down with you husband and talk to him about your feelings with him maybe go to counseling with him. Maybe you can go to counseling by yourself. The thing that helped me the most when I had so much rage and anger after my divorce was praying to God every night to release my anger ecause it was poisoning my heart and my soul. It took a long time, but one night God sent me a message of love and cred my heart.

    I too have been treated like a drug seeker by doctors and the ER, friends and even my daughter. I think we all have. People who don't experience chronic pain don't get it.

    • kim73487
      kim73487 lindagkelly

      Posted

      Thank you isn't enough for your words of encouragement. For the first time, it is from someone on the same journey as I.  I have continued to get better, stronger and more at peace.  

      Im sorry your implant wasn't correctly placed. To go through all of this, including the brutal recovery after the implant, then to not receive the relief you should have is almost to devistating to bare. I wish you healing and peace and most of all comfort. 

  • george37332
    george37332 kim73487

    Posted

    Yes, I fully endorse all lindagkelly posted as a response to youyr hearltfelt plea.

    Bitterness caused so often by pain or the actons of others is like a poison that destroys you - you do right to pray to God that He will heal you of it - He can!

    Do use all the channels you can to try to find justice for your case, you have a brain and gifts, use it to find Wisdom and Understanding. People, including Doctors will let you down, but their is also so much kindness and compassion out there, keep your perspective and your faith, you will turn the corner.

    You do right to unburden yourself, don't bottle things up! Keep going another day dawns!

    • kim73487
      kim73487 george37332

      Posted

      Beautifully written.  You brought tears to my eyes. I have already bed until the inward path to forgiveness and peace. I truly appreciate your response. 
  • kilee
    kilee kim73487

    Posted

    Kim use your energy and compassion and pay it forward. Dwelling on the past will continue to put road blocks up into your future. I understand what you have written, truly I do. You received a great education from all of your experiences, even the bad ones. Use that knowledge and compassion to go forward and help others. Energy spent on the past will rob you of the energy you need now to go forward. Truly I understand and wish you the best of the best.

    Kilee

    • lindagkelly
      lindagkelly kilee

      Posted

      Hi Kim,

      Just talking about your experiences on this site helps others! I've been on this site about a month or so, and it is so helpful to hear from others such as yourself, Kilee, Mel, Cynthia, and others about their experiences.  Then you know that you are not alone. You are not crazy. That others are going through the same thing! If I'm having a bad day, it is "safe" for me to complain and yes, even "whine" here.

      So I want you to know that you are not alone here. We truly do understand. I hope things continue to get better for you.

      Linda

    • kim73487
      kim73487 kilee

      Posted

      My goodness, where has this forum been the last five years?  It seems so impossible for so many to truly listen much less understand.  

      I utterly agree with you. I will find a way to do just what you said. 

      I am an artist with a severe case of "artist block".  The day I posted on here, I picked up a brush and begin to paint again. My goal is to tell my story through paint. And maybe I could use that talent in some way to help someone else like me. 

      Thank you for this idea. 

    • kim73487
      kim73487

      Posted

      If anyone has any ideas about how I could do that, please send me a pm.
  • kevin53196
    kevin53196 kim73487

    Posted

    Hi Kim

    Really sorry for what you are going through.

    As far as your pain goes, there is a condition which effects people. Its called Chronic Pain Syndrome.

    Doctors know people have it, but have no idea what as caused it. It is dealt by pain-killers. This can take a while, as it is different for everyone, to get the right medication and the right dosage.

    The big problem, is actually convincing your doctor you may have this so he/she can send you to a specialist

    I hope you find some sort of light at the end of the tunnel soon with this.

    All the best and chin up.

    Kev  (UK)  sad

     

    • kim73487
      kim73487 kevin53196

      Posted

      yes, I totally agree 100%. 

      My chin is a little higher already.☺️ Just from posting on here, now that I have received so many compassionate replies.  My cup runneth over. Thank you!

      kim

  • lindagkelly
    lindagkelly kim73487

    Posted

    Hi Kim,

    I hope you are continue to get relief from the Medtronic.  I'm so glad it is helping you.  I too have a Medtronic Neurostimulator. Unfortunately, mine was put in the wrong place so it doesn't work as well as it should, but it does still provide some relief.  I just had it reprogrammed last week.  One thing to keep in mind about the Medtronic, it's tempting to think you should turn it up higher to get more relief, but it's actually the opposite. So if it ever feels like it's "irritating" try turning it down.  And Also, change the setting a little bit now and then because if it's at the exact same setting all the time, it can lose it's effectiveness. And you should meet with your medtronic rep at least once every 3 months - they may come up with more settings for you to try, or ways to extend a charge, etc.  Good luck!  Hope this works effectively for you for a long timeQ

  • kim73487
    kim73487

    Posted

    all of you wonderful people, I just can't express my graditude in words, if only I could write them in 14 k gold, maybe words would be worthy. 

    An update on me:

     I started painting again. Actually, I'm painting like a mad woman, lol! I also design jewelry and wire sculpture. Yesterday, I bought my very first domain name and am going to be launching a website of my very own. This has been a dream for years and I'm finally going to jump off the cliff and do it!  This forum has given me the release I needed to let go of my anger, bitterness and fear. My appreciation is immeasurable. Truly. I should go live on my website in about a month. I need that time to build up inventory. 🎨

    Each of you, by your exhistance, has give strength and bravery. 

     

    • lindagkelly
      lindagkelly kim73487

      Posted

      Good for you Kim? How far out are you from your Nevro implant?
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