second night of no alcohol

Hi Paul I am a failure as you know I was home detoxed a couple if week's ago  but I had a drink tonight the temptation was to much for me having alchol round me 24/ 7 I feel so guilty now a lot of people I have let down I am getting a phone call of my support worker Monday I don't know if I should mention it to her I feel I am on a downward spiral I am just useless and a failureĺ to sorry folks

jsvkie you're not a failure. You did a week home detox despite not having enough Librium to control your withdrawal symptoms. It's not surprising you relapsed with your brother drinking in front of you and taunting you. Forget about letting other people down and feeling guilty. Ok you had a drink, but draw a line under it, tomorrow is a new day. Next time you want a drink, try and remember how you felt during detox with the physical symptoms, do you really want to go there again? You must tell your support worker how much you drank and how you felt. Otherwise what's the point if you can't tell the person who CAN help you. By not saying you've been drinking, the only person you are letting down is yourself. Stop beating yourself up about it, or pretending it never happened, otherwise you will be on a downward spiral. You're not a failure or useless. You've been open and honest on this forum, so just do the same with your support worker. You will feel better about yourself by admitting it. Say nothing and the one drink will become 2, 3, until you're back where you started. Good luck.

Hi vicky thankyou for your kind words I don't deserve them it was not the one night its been continously over the last three days so that does make me a failure I am right bk to square one and my brother brought a load of drinking buddy's I would of called them they did not know my situation it's just that they have not seen me out for 18 months or so they just presumed it was my mental health state due to the sudden death of my father so they  brought a load of alchol round and that's when I started I will tell my support worker then go from there but I find I need to drink everyday now I do remember the detox and it was awful to go through but even that does not put me of so I am just a drunken alcoholic with nothing in my life but the booze sad person

All Vickylou said above is right.

Your brother really isn't helping things Jsvkie. You say he is your carer but he isn't showing much support when he knows about your alcohol problem and brings a load of friends round to drink in front of you and encourage you to join in. You need other people to know that you have an alcohol problem and cannot drink and you need them to be supportive of you by not being in your face with it if they are drinking.

Don't say things like your last line (above). That is an EXCUSE to give up trying, don't!! You have a lot more will power than most people and failing once doesn't mean you can't succeed.

You are right Paul self pity will get me know where i i am going to have a meeting on Monday with my support team I will tell them everything and hopefully that we can sort a few things out thanks for your advice

Paul is spot on with your last sentence "I'm just a drunken alcoholic with nothing in my life but the booze sad person" the more you tell yourself that, you will believe it. It is giving you an excuse to carry on drinking. Whilst you continue to tell yourself you're a failure you will continue to drink. Look at the positive rather than the negative. Tell yourself "ok I've relapsed it happens, alcohol is a depressant so if I keep drinking I'll never feel better. I did a week, so i CAN do one day at a time.

is there any chance of you getting a new carer because you're brother is far from being a suitable carer. The mere fact he buys you alcohol proves he doesn't care. There shouldn't be alcohol in you're house, as for drinking in front of you, having friends round drinking and encouraging you to drink IMO beggars belief. You are in a vulnerable position at the moment so it's easy for you to have a drink. As long as you're brother continues with his way of life, the harder it will be for you to achieve sobriety, if at all. Sorry if this sounds hard or unhelpful, but I'm just saying what I feel, others may disagree.

it is 3 weeks of anviety paul,now i feel sad and cant go to bed because I get into a loop of suicidal thoughts. I have support from wife, no stress from wife so she wondes why I want to leave her but she knows I have been crazy for a year or so,changing jobs,never feeling relaxed except when we are on hols and no work to have to go to.

I had a bit of a loss lately and things are going like they did in early 90's...my true voice I call it, telling me later in the day that I got away last time and should die,horrible but hard for me to reason with.

I'm not detoxing from alcohol, I only have a beer in evenings. But day 3 of no beer etc tonight.

Hello Mark,

Anxiety can be caused by excessive drinking, but it can also be an underlying issue which causes you to drink more. You need to work out which it is. You should be able to get referred for anxiety management if you are still getting it without drinking.

I am not sure if you are saying that you DO want to leave your wife. Maybe you are not sure, yourself.

If you are ok on holiday, perhaps there are things in your day-to-day life which are causing you too much stress and it would be worth sitting down, either alone, or with your wife, and writing down the things which are causing you most stress. Then work out if there are ways that you can change any of them to make your life less stressful.

No point looking at the past, you can't change that, you can only change the future

If you can't work out things alone, or by chatting things through with your wife, you should ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor who will be able to help you.

Well done for keeping off the beer the last few days

no,I dont want to leave her,Paul. I mean she is rightly upset that my thoughts mean I would leave her (die)  My marriage is the very good thing in my life. Yes, work is hard to cope with,I kept changing jobs,trying to find something better, just anxiety over two years whenI think about it!

I got to the end of my tether  with the changing jobs and something else causing worry lately.

The last thing I want is to wreck my marriage.  I saw a link here and reading now CBT download,never read it before, vaguely heard of CBT.

So the things I think 'specially at night...I call true me (or true voice),this CBT seems to say the opposite, so I'm reading. I feel bad what with the bad things in other countries! Makes me feel shame.

I like my drink in the evenungs, the reason to cut down is to give me a chance,give St.Johns tablets and camomile tea a chance, yes' I did see a nurse on Weds' ..had first check up in years and told her the things I am taking,got told smoking/alcohol makes it all worse(old enough to know that of course) I will not stop drinking but I am cooling off, I went stupid with it. Moderation in the future, thanks for the reply by the way : )

Ok Mark, I misunderstood what you mean by 'leave her.'

I think CBT sounds perfect for you. It isn't easy to get as there is a shortage of qualified therapists and many work privately only.

There is little point feeling shame for things which are not your fault. I think we are all upset to see what awful things are happening in the world but we can't all take on the burden of guilt for what other people are doing wrong. Don't add to the problems you DO have control of Deal with those you CAN change

You have taken the first step, you have looked at your life and realised that you need to change things and you are starting by cutting down your drinking which is an excellent start. It is very difficult to sort out anything without a clear head.

You mention that you keep starting new jobs that don't make you happy. Stop and think properly about what you really want to be doing. What job would give you satisfaction? Are you able to get such a job and, if not, what would you need to do to put yourself in a position where you could (a qualification, maybe?). Get a plan together to get the things in your life that you need, to make you happier. Some may not be instant, but at least, if you feel you are working towards things that make you happier, you will get some satisfaction from that.

And keep coming here, there are plenty of us here who will offer you support as you move forward

I just saw your reply, Paul and it is 11pm so I am going to bed, I'm by myself tonight so I am going to bed , not sitting up half the night.

I will re read your reply tomorow because it is good sense and thanks for that, g'night. M.

ps ,just reading the 7 pages of CBT,not applied to attend it but I'm finding it interesting.