Secret menopause

Posted , 17 users are following.

So... Am I only person here who hasn't admitted to their partner they are going through the peri or menopause?

Im suffering through gritted teeth because stupid pride has made me keep it secret. Why??? Because I feel like I'm admitting to no longer being a fertile female and I've served my purpose to the human race! I'm scared he will think I'm old, past it, dried up and need putting out to pasture and no longer the sexy woman he fell for.

Please please tell me I'm not alone lol

2 likes, 25 replies

25 Replies

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  • Posted

    So...you've aged and he hasnt? Has he stayed the wild young thing and only you have become the peri menopausal old woman who is losing sexiness/getting old, put out to pasture etc??? If he is in the same age as you Im pretty sure he is feeling his age too. I would talk to him about it. You shouldnt fear being honest with your partner about whats going on in your life.

  • Posted

    Interesting that you feel this way.  Im the opposite.. if im suffering then so should he.. ha ha.. For some of us we are so badly effected we have no choice but tell the people around us, otherwise we would risk being admitted to the crazy ward. Everyone i know knows what im going through, just because i want to make them aware that at this time im not myself so anything i say and do that seems weird and out if character is menopause driving me crazy. There is no way on gods earth that i could have gone through this without informing everyone . And as for will he still think im sexy etc.  I will admit that did go through my mind, then i looked at him... now bald needing glasses and a hearing aid.. and though.. hes not the man i married either.. we all change as we age its just life.. and if he ever makes a comment i point out that he now has no hair has put on weight and need glasses to see and hearing aids to hear.. and why should i now still love him and find him sexy smile  Be true to yourself.... this is a hard journey just be aware that not everyone will be sympathetic.. and expect to hear things like.. Its only the change  really can it be that bad. At that point i give these people the link to this forum and let them judge for themselves smile
    • Posted

      Just read your response and wanted to say Hi . . You’ve written that brilliantly and with a sense of humour at the same time . . . I have exactly the same outlook as you ! As you say I want all those close to me to know what’s going on ! I can relate so much to many of the things you have said . . . Please feel free to PM anytime.  I enjoy taking to like minded ladies on here . . Hugs to you xx
  • Posted

    Reb, sorry, but I don't think it's pride--I think it's only fear.  If you and your partner are truly committed to each other the future will hold many physical changes and challenges for both of you! Those changes and challenges could include serious illness.  If you're feeling/ and thinking like this for something that is natural and happens to every woman, I'm concerned about what might happen if you got ill.  

    I think it's time for a talk with your partner, and maybe counseling for both of you, as fears usually have a basis in reality.  Best of luck to you.  xx  

  • Posted

    Tell him today. Tell him right after you read this! As women, we need to stop this myth that portrays us as the everlasting fountain of youth. That is why the media portraying women is so screwed up. That is why so many suffer in silence. That is why there is not enough information out there about peri and menopause. Men age too, so what's the difference. If your partner ends up thinking that you are too old and done in, then he was never a decent life partner anyway. We are not here just to pump out babies and look cute. Woman up and tell him!

    • Posted

      I would tell him but he's cleared off to football lol.

      I think your right about the media too, and also the the way menopausal women are sometimes portrayed has made me feel embarrassed, yes embarrassed!!

      Almost like we should be locked up and sent to an asylum! Because we are completely fruit loop.

      Maybe time to bite the bullet Heyho

  • Posted

    Wow! I shout it from the roof tops! And make sure he and anyone around me knows what I'm going through and how awful it is. One thing I can say is hormones shift so much that you'll probably get fed up soon and not care and start shouting from the roof tops as well, something about this menopause business really makes you change. That nurturing side of me wanting to take care of everyone else but me went out the door. Now I'm trying so hard to be me again, but at the same time, its time to take care of me.

    • Posted

      Hi Gypsy..hope you are feeling much better. Im still trying to push through this. I dont think awful is even the word to describe this but thank God that its not worse than this... it definately changes you and make you really evaluate your life .
    • Posted

      Hi Mary, indeed it does change you.. Can't wait to see the other side of all this, I so want to be done with all of this, its just exhausting!! I'm pushing through as best as I can too.. Hope your feeling good today ...

  • Posted

    He’s aging too!!  You think he really doesn’t understand his beautiful partner in life is aging as well???

    Your probably feeling down just going thru it all. Educate him and SHOW him you still got it!!!! Be well!! And try to have fun with your guy! Been there. Communicate!🙏

    • Posted

      True! He is and he still looks gorgeous to me.

      I think this menopause has made me feel, old, fat, ugly and deranged lol..

      It doesn't do much for confidence.

      Thanks for the uplifting reply smile

  • Posted

    You're a woman, and we all go through this.  I never had children, so if you have your own, that is a blessing.  Your lucky you were fertile at all.  If you feel like you're old and dried up, try spicing things up a bit.  I'm sure you're not alone by no means.  Take a look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful and loved.  I don't think I've ever told my husband I'm in menopause, but I'm sure he knows, and your partner will know too. 

    • Posted

      Sadly no children either Barbara but a wonderful step daughter.

      Thank you for your kind response. Its lovely to have people taking the time and trouble.

  • Posted

    Reb2211,

    I can relate with how you've described your feelings in this posting. There is a sadness for us as so many things change in our life when we get to this time in our life. Our kids grow up and leave the nest. Our bodies start to show our years and these changes do make us a little insecure. No matter what we seem to do things are changing and fast. Will we still be attractive to our spouse? Even if we still want intimacy in our life it becomes challenging because we may not get as lubricated or excited about sex. So many changes and some of them you just won't be able to keep hid forever. Believe me, men are aging too! They are losing their testosterone and they can go through many changes. Is not as obvious with men but it is happening. When our youngest got married and we had the empty nest I think my husband took it harder than me. He was border line depressed, thinking our life is over now, we are don't producing and its natures cruel way that we are not needed anymore. It can bring on many emotions even in men. I had many of these feelings myself after my periods ended things were changing fast for me. My lubrication was failing me, hair falling out, skin thinning, nails becoming brittle and I just felt my husband didn't find me attractive anymore even though I was keeping myself up.  He wasn't looking for intimacy and that was very alarming to me. He got his testosterone checked and it was right at the bottom. My own hormones I knew were all but gone being my periods had ended. I got all my hormones, vitamins and minerals checked through a holistic doctor. I am on BHRT creams and my husband is doing testosterone pellets. Life is totally different for us now. Intimacy is very much back and important in our life. We both feel very good and when you feel good everything is better, especially your confidence.  What once started crippling our marriage is now very good. I will be 58, I have been in menopause for almost 3 years  and my husband will be 65 and our intimate life is better now than when we were younger. I also need to mention for me anyway, peri, which lasted 10 years was only the beginning of the storm. The real nightmare started after my periods ended and hormones plummeted big time. But to sum things up, your husband is going through some aging issues himself and generally men don't talk about it. It can become a beautiful thing to get it out in the open on both sides and deal with your issues together. Good luck

    • Posted

      Thank you for your story. Knowing other people are feeling the very same and going through the same things is very supportive.

      Much appreciated

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