Self destruct?

Posted , 2 users are following.

Here goes...

I have finally been diagnosed with complex PTSD after suffering for 16 years.

I lost my best friend to suicide, was raped and had to abort the baby. I turned to drugs (I came off them and have been clean for 11 years now). In the last five years I was raped by a family member, lost my dad, my disabled child has had multiple operations and constant illness. I have now got to the point where I can't cope. My mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I'm trying to care for her the best way I can.

I've been given Mirtazapine and Diazepam (again) but still can't sleep. I get panic attacks at night, scratch myself raw to the point of drawing blood sometimes. The nightmares are horrendous.

There must be a way out of this. Please, if anyone has any ideas of just how to start to feel better, let me know.

I've had CBT and am starting grief counselling as apparently the psychiatrist says I have a phobia of loss. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm in hell at the moment.

Thanks for listening.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi jo, I think I've replied to you before this sounds an awful situation to be in.  I too was assaulted when I was much younger, I then had to resign from my job a few years back as my dad was dieing of cancer, my nan had to move into a nursing home due to alzheimers and to top it all my mum moved last year!  I just feel isolated, lonely and now complelety on my own , I start ivf next week too and she doesn't seem to want to know! Keep speaking to me though, I am the same as you my cbt didn't work for me either we need a support group really or a chat and a coffee?  Where do you live?
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  • Posted

    Jojo, my heart goes out to you! Yes I too suffer nightmare I wake up screaming and crying. I have been through many things but would rather not say. Just know I understand. I am on 1 mg of klonopin 4x a day and lexapro it has helped me a it! I truly hope you have your baby I know the pain of that. Hugs to you and a happy life.
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  • Posted

    Sorry about the partial message my keyboard was acting crazy...

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