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Self Destruct Mode.

Posted , 7 users are following.

vodka07
vodka07

So, I've had a really disappointing day at work and am now and well truly in that "what's the point?" mode. Where's the vodka? Does it always end up here regardless of drink or no drink? Is there some pyschological make up which makes me constantly turn to alcohol to deal with my failed responsibilities? It's now only 8 pm at night and all I can think of is how useless I would be if there was some problem with family members right now. What could I do/say?" I'm sorry my child is in hospital but I'm too drunk to offer any support or reassurance". Life is bad, I am bad. But hey ho, let's have another drink to make it all better. I am so sick of this disease and its hold on me, physically, mentally and emotionally. How can I make it stop? 

0 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 vodka07

    Posted

    I hate my computer...I just replied and it isn't here.

    ​My son was in hospital one year I was drinking and I couldn't go....and so I know the desperation that you feel...the failure that you feel....thankfully nothing has come up that you can't attend to...and it probably won't this time. 

    ​We never developed coping skills because we use alcohol for that. But, if you keep trying..I can promise you that you will develop coping skills...the drink will come to mind for a while..but it does disappear....it took a year for me to have alcohol be removed as my first reaction to stress...some people it is a shorter waiting time...but I promise it does come.

    ​Just don't give up trying.

    • vodka07
      vodka07 Misssy2

      Posted

      Thanks Misssy2 but I feel I must point out that I cannot remember the last day I did not have a drink, and that I am drinking half a litre of vodka per evening. Recently tho, it's like I've had this aspiration to stop drinking, and all my thoughts are centred around being disgusted with how I live for alcohol. I have previously been hospitalised and detoxed, but denied any addiction at that time so ultimately have ended up here eight years later. I feel bad for expecting help this time, and for still not taking full responsibility of MY actions and MY behaviours but realise that I cannot beat this alone, whilst hating the feeling of begging for help. Pride versus shame - something has to give!!
    • ADEfree
      ADEfree vodka07

      Posted

      This is not a personal shortcoming or a lack of charcter, vodka. This is rampant virtually throughout the globe. The shortcoming is in the medical community, that's where the problem lies. It's not your fault. Naltrexone has been around for decades, it should have been offered to you right off the bat. To blame the victim for this, it's not only nonsense, it's dangerous nonsense and it must stop.
    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 vodka07

      Posted

      sad based on the way the UK handles alcoholism and the way you have been drinking...I think the Nalmfene is your best option right now.  Since you have had the thoughts of stopping....the drug should help you to cut down and get to a safe point in levels of drink....so that then you can develop the will power to give quitting a try on your own.

      ​Its not your fault..your not a failure...just don't keep beating yourself up until you believe that you are a failure..that helps no one.

  • Sober_As
    Sober_As vodka07

    Posted

    Please try to hold things together, Vodka07.  This whole scenario of alcohol, life problems, alcohol, life problems ... just goes on and on and on.  I am sick of it too !   I don't know what your action against it is, just now.  Are you taking medication?

    You are suffering, like many of us.  We are not bad. You are not bad. Alcohol is bad.

    Just being on this Forum is a great help to me.  I hope it helps you, too.

    Good people care.

    Alonangel 🎇

    • vodka07
      vodka07 Sober_As

      Posted

      No medication at present Alonangel. I have previously been on Antabuse and Campral way back in 2008. I went to my Gp for support in December 2015, referred to alcohol services in Jan 2016 and as of now I am number 14 on waiting list to be assessed, with them being two staff members short. I have app with Gp on Wednesday where I will be requesting Nalmefene, but have followed the advice of others on here and made sure I have all information needed before going. To be honest, I'm really not hopeful tho 🆘
    • vickylou
      vickylou vodka07

      Posted

      Hi

      have I got this right, you were referred in January this year and you're still at 14? I think RHGB gave you some advice so that you're fully prepared to request medication. Is your GP aware of the amount of alcohol you're consuming? You've asked for help which is half the battle, I really do feel so sorry that you've just been left in limbo. I really don't know what else to say. Please whatever you do, don't try and stop on your own, it's way to dangerous. I hope you get the medication you deserve on wednesday

    • vodka07
      vodka07 Misssy2

      Posted

      Morning, Misssy2 💕 Thanks for remembering and asking. I'm still here 🙋 The day I was to request an appointment with my gp to request Nalmefene I received a letter with an app with alcohol services which I attended this week. Stated that I was desperate for help but spent an hour filling out forms and explaining my addiction once again to someone new 🙄 Have another appointment for next week but feel it's a long road before any action sets in. Things moved so much quicker when I was admitted as an inpatient so many years ago!! I'm still very much determined tho, although completely recognise this is a feeling I have whilst still drinking daily. Struggles and muddels remain for now!! 😫
  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 vodka07

    Posted

    Talk to a friend? Somebody you trust and explain yr desire to change and cut down on drinking? Just a thought....Robin
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