Self destructive behaviour

To answer your question - yes.

To elaborate, I think that there are a couple of things going on here. Firstly, men tend to experience much anger when depressed, more so than women. As you dont have a satisfactory or healthy outlet for your anger, (as you've rightly said) the anger is turning inwards and is working against you. When you are asked to do something, which you feel you cannnot (this is because when we're depressed, doing any more than getting out of bed, is like trying to force 100 watts through a 40 watt bulb)  you become anxious and highly aroused, which leads to the anger and frustration. At the moment accept that you cannot do much. There's no point in fighting that fact - at the present time you're not well enough. However, try to do something positive every day. This may be, going to the shop for a paper. Doing a word search. Running up your street and back. It doesn't matter what it is, just something that you can complete. Baby steps. All the best x    

1. dog yap /bite. With those I love.. buid up the frustration, have a yap or bite them at them, maybe for something small like walking in front of me, or blocking the doorway while letting me in (dad opens the door then stands in the way, holding the door open). After the yap, I mentally 'go to my basket' and disconnect .. not talking to them for days. Eventually the links reassert and I can talk to them again, but my ex-fiencee couldn't handle these - not her fault

2. Try to put a hole in the wall / floor with my mobile, or destroy something else portable, like a laptop screen. Its sort of punishment for the laptop - and also me who has to repair it.

I guess talking down.. "what the hell do you think you are doing letting XYZ happen" etc also happens..

At least I'm not punching / abusing people - I'd never do that, but theres always the pressure of 'well maybe one day you will..'

I've recently had a lot of frustration at work, and I've let some things fall by the roadside, ie not getting Tax sorted out etc.

This does not help as I get tired of all the crap and then look for something more positive. Unfortunatly its something like T.V. so it doesn't fix the problem. So there is a continual frusration that keeps me awake, so I feel too tired to address the issues so the frustration continues.. like the quicksand staircase.

The BEST thing that I have a mentor at work that I am discussing stuff with .. Also forums like this - if you commit to something like post "Right, I'm going to do my tax." It somehow feels easier ... Also I had to cancel Gym contract, and didn't for a year cause I was intimidated - I have an issue with dissapointing people, and cancelling contracts, or returning stuff.

WHEN i finally got around to cancelling there was one phone call required and 5 mins later it was done without any issues, so I had build up all this stuff for nothing..

Maybe one thing to make it positive is to be a Mentor, say, on this forum..

what is it they say? "jjust need an ear, doean't matter who" At least you can say that you are helping others.

Do you take any meds for your depression? I'm bipolar and used to get very self destructive but once they found a good combo of meds for me I felt so much better and never get angry now, I'm just so calm, not drugged or fuzzy headed, just happy and calm.  Of course, I don't have any testosterone like you, which I know can be a driver for aggression, but maybe a medicated soloution might be worth looking at?

Best Wishes

Lizzie