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Does anybody get a bit self destructive to deal with depression? I think I do. When i'm expected to do things that I can't possibly do by those closest to me I start obsessing about self destruction. That I can't be worth anything so at least getting self destructive alows me to fix the problem of not doing anything. When the people who are closest to you just get fed up with you and you can't do anything, because there your closest connection to te world you want to be on their side. Even if that means turning on yourself.
Last year I got very self destructive and had a psychotic episode where a really but myself through a ringer. I'm trying to sought out my depression before I do it again. Theres no sense of martydom in it I just feel that beating the poop out of myself metaphoricly, less so literlly now a days. Meaning doing things that I know won't be good for me mentally. It would be fine if I could turn the self destructivness into somthing positive, what ever that may be. However because i'm also dealing with depression trying to do anything positive is like trying to walk up a stair case made of quicksand.
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