Self diagnoses

Maybe today is not a good day to write this but good days are getting few and far between if I dont do it now I never will this has taken over my whole life. I just need someone to please listen to me. I might look ok to you I dont look ill but inside I am doubled up in pain.  If I would write a letter to my rhematologist/doctor this would be how it would start. So here goes.Evey day I get up I set the alarm early because I know that if I lie in things will feel worse I roll out of bed sometimes its like laying on a wet patch until you move you dont realise it is there but its there like it always is every morning with out fail. I walk if you can call it that more like a crab down to the kitchen making groaning noices I cant stop escaping. The first thing on my mind is not a nice cup of tea like it used to be its to make myself a hot water bottle so hot that my stomach and breasts are blistering over the scars already made in the past.  My stomach that used to be nice and flat is now looking like I'm about to give birth.  Actually after having three children already its bigger now than I ever was but after putting on 3 stone its not surprising I used to always wish to put on a bit of weight be careful what you wish for.  My legs are also swollen especially my left leg I remembered reading someones post on here saying the same. The pain is always in my torso some days its in my back legs even my heels I read that too.  I dont know where to put my body I sit and rock sometimes cry whilst I wait for the pain killers of longtec and 300mg pregablin take the edge off the pain. Thats if I'm lucky then I have another few hours before the pills stop working I think I have energy to clean the whole house.  I get as far as one room. I used to get teased for always cleaning Thats another thing the severe fatique sometimes I sit in the kitchen in the middle of the night as I havent got the energy to get up I havent got the energy to even lift my arms.  I am up and down most nights walking around the house even if I have slept the whole night  I can sleep for hours in the day like i'm in a drugged sleep I cant wake up from yesterday was one of them days the sun was shinning and I was asleep most of it another day in my life gone by. I can even fall asleep with a hot drink in my hand.  What I have tried explaining is its not just the pain, I feel really awlful like I have the flu but does he listen well he seemed to he made all the right noises in sympathy when I said I didnt feel they were taking me seriously because I looked fine to them and tried telling him how I felt. Come back in 4 weeks he said I walked out with my bit of paper to reception to make the appointment. She looked at computer and said I will just need to check with him as he is booked until may she came back yes he said thats fine. 7 weeks seems like 7 years when its every day. Once I had to wait 17 weeks my doctor told me to complain I did.  The complaint dept said I will telephone you tomorrow so you have that little bit of light to look forward to tomrrow. He didnt phone back the next day he forgot lol. I went to pain management in feb we can give you a injection to help with 50% of the pain yes give me that I said anything that will help (I used to hate injection) " eh well you cant have it till may" he said. what a joke. Sorry if I sound a bit mad I'm normal really whatever that is I forgot.  I was fine until I had a operation to remove fluid from my lung 18 months ago what was supposed to be a 2 day stay ended in 10 i woke up and couldnt breathe.  They said it was pneumonia and pleurisy but I have been having these problems ever since.  One other thing before I go I also have a area just under the right breast that is always tender since the day I came out.  They tell you not too self diagnose but does it sound like I have it to you?.  Thanks for reading.

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