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I have been doing some research online and think I now know the type of depression I suffer from. I have never officially been given a diagnosis other than depression. I don't know whether I am considered mild, moderate or severe or clinical etc.
I have come across a label which fits me to a tee. I suffer from Dysthymia. While I don't think it is always helpful to have a label in my case I think it is. At least I understand now.
Dysthymia is long term usually life long depression which is characterised by low grade ie mild depression all the time (though it can lift for periods sporadically) with nasty flare ups. This is called 'Double Depression'. I have never understood until now how this double depression can hit me so hard and cause such lows like suicidal feelings and occasionally suicide attempts. Then these would subside and I go back to 'normal for me depression'. It has always puzzled me but this explains a lot.
How for eg not understanding how a counsellor could tell me they are trying to help me get back to normal. I don't remember a life without depression and it has long become part of my personality. They were trying to help me get back to that? No thanks, but having said that it is much better than DD. No wonder counselling has been of little help to me over the years as no one has ever understood this. Why not? From what I have read it is not that uncommon!
I am wondering if there is any type of counselling which could help me with dysthymia, or is it too late now at my age to be able to lead a depression free life? Probably as it is now ingrained in my personality and I have had to adapt my life to it.
I would be interested to hear what others think please? Bev x
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