Self harm 'relapse'

Posted , 3 users are following.

I haven't self harmed in around 2-3 weeks, which was an incredible achievement for me as I usually do every day. Today I had a successful job interview - albeit I am turning the job down, arranged a dr appointment, saw a friend and came home. On my arrival home for whatever reason I felt overwhelmingly low and cut my self deeper than I have before, it still doesn't feel like enough, I want to do it again but deeper even still. I hate this feeling - how on earth do you stop feeling the need to self harm, I have tried everything, the urge doesn't seem to cease for long and depsite surpressing it for a while it is now back with a vengeance and I am worried it will go further. 

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  • Posted

    Hi fee,

    First congratulations on the success of your job interview. You sound really great.

    And congratulations on making the doctor's appointment too.

    I just want to share that after a successful job interview recently, I too felt really really down. It was on my birthday. People were really kind that day.

    I think that after stress, like a job interview, where you get yourself really keyed up, it is really natural to feel depression afterwards. It is just your adrenaline letdown. I feel this every week after a week's work, everytime I get too excited. 

    I don't feel the urge to self-harm myself, so I don't want to pretend I know much about it. I have heard that it's good to use ice cubes to create that intense feeling - hold them in your hand or against your leg, or whatever. 

    I just go to bed and let the wave of cortisol pass. Watch TV. It's usually better by evening for me.

    Honey, I am so sorry your mind is giving you such a hard time. Although I don't self-harm, I do feel really low, really like life isn't worth living when I am depressed. So sorry you are going through this. Of course you should go to a hospital if you are really feeling unable to stop yourself cutting deeper, right now I mean. 

    Big hugs to you, again, so sorry you are going through this.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your kind and supportive words Jennifer smile I am feeling less intense now! Thankfully. 

      Yes, you are right, events and situations can get a bit too much and it can be a little difficult to cope, your ice cube suggestion is a really good one! I've never thought of that before. smile 

      Hopefully things will get better for all of us here, I suppose some days are just worse than others, thanks again for taking the time to reply to me smile 

      x

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  • Posted

    Hi Fee,

    Congratulations on your recent successes! smile

    I struggle with self harm too. It's not something I do regularly but when I'm on the edge of depression or in a highly distressed state, it's something I unfortunately have a tendency to turn to. I cut, burn or hit myself. For me it's a release, something that brings me back - physical pain to counteract the intensity of emotional pain or the void of depression.

    For me, the scars distress me because they are a constant reminder of bad times. I would like to try and find a safe alternative to cutting.

    I actually tried drawing on myself the other day with a brush pen on the stop I wanted to cut and found it oddly soothing. It also gave me something to focus on. I've also tried screaming at the top of my lungs into a pillow until I can't any more. I know some people snap an elastic band against their skin.

    I'm glad to read that things are less intense for you now.

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    • Posted

      Hi!

      It's nice to speak to somebody who also harms, I have managed to cut down an awful lot, it seems to be something I do if things feel too overwhelming. 

      I hate the scarring, it didn't bother me in the colder months but, now it is Summer and if I venture outside - or anywhere, I'm constantly quizzed on why I have a cardigan on or a coat on! Unfortunately the scars on my arm are too prevalent at the moment so I have to cover up, which I hate rolleyes 

      I have heard about the drawing method, I'm glad it served some solace for you, it's something I will have to try. It's hard to do something to "take your mind off it" for me because when I feel the urge to harm I can't focus on anything else, the feeling just heightens. 

      Luckily I haven't felt like harming since this initial post so, maybe the next time the feeling bubbles up I will think back to these comments and find an alternative! 

      Thank you for your support and taking the time to reply smile 

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