Self hate

Posted , 5 users are following.

Well I don't know what to tell you, tonight I just wish I was anyone but me, I don't know what I'm struggling with tonight maybe just exhaustion.

I'd love the feeling of numbness right now although I'm slipping into self hate maybe my probs are a little more deep routed I'm starting to scare myself. I've gone from wanting to die right through lots of different stages happiness, enlightened, laughing, crying heartache so so much

I think I've fallen for the loathing of oneself tonight although I probs won't do it I feel like cutting my face off I'm not even sure that makes sense to anyone I've never been a cutter or self harmed ( apart from commuting suicide) I love psychology and so understand the connection between self harm and self loathing however I'm can't say why I feel like cutting my face off I'm not a bad person or disgraced in looking at oneself nor have I done anything I'm ashamed of I just don't see where this urge has come from I see nothing behind my eyes darkness a stranger looking back if you like

Well I'm just asking if anyone else has had this problem maybe they could throw a little light on it for me

Feel a little lost tonight like I don't know myself or even what I'm capable of this is not me

I'm so confused

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hiya

    you have all the signs of clinical depression. I should know as I've been there. I'm not a medical person, but would hazard a guess at generalised depression as you don't know why you feel like this.

    you don't mention medication so I presume you're not taking antidepressants. I would go to your dr, say exactually what you've said here, or ask your dr about CBT ( google CBT).

    medication worked for me. Don't think you're alone in your thoughts, they're very common. I hated myself and had low self esteem. It's a very frightening situation to be in and also lonely. I fully understand, I used to look in a mirror and wonder who I am, if that makes any sense.

    Keep posting here, you can discuss anything. Are you in the Uk? You can pm me, or chat here if you prefer.

    YOU WILL FEEL BETTER, you just need some help.

     

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    • Posted

      Thankyou Vicky

      I just lost at the moment I think so much going on you know how it is right

      I just disappoint myself I'd like to be normal ya know just have a head that works right not suffer from paranoia be able to sleep at night not ponder on one think till it hurts my head to think about it

      I train to release the well good hormone but it means I'm in the gym 4 times a day my body is shot my head messed up

      I'm huge in stature and yet a small vunurable child at heart lol it's ridiculous I'm rather pathetic if I'm honest

      I get attention from women but can't take them up on it don't know why I just can't I don't trust them they are cold able to detach from emotional connections etc the staring and the comments make you feel great but then the reality of the cold intent brings you back to earth with a bump it's not me as in me they are after it's the body ya know who would want a messed up person like me the negatives out weigh the benefits after the listful intent is out the way if the truth be told

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    • Posted

      I'be read quite a bit of responses you have written to others and your own discussions

      , you are an extremely intelligent deep thinking man.

      That's exactly it people take us for what we look like and should be from what they see on the outside, either like us or dislike us bywhat they think they see but never truly get to know who we are snd we are way too scared to show them because we ourselves feel completely weird and not normal at all. Somehow we need to love ourselves and see the good in our weirdness....but it's easier said than done :D

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    • Posted

      Thankyou Samantha hope you are well x your right everything is so superficial in live in general I think people are almost parasitic I think feeding of others like ticks whether it be misery they feed off or lust it's a terrible world really when you really thing about it we are a disgusting species

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    • Posted

      Well we can't think all people are disgusting species there are actual good want nothing in return people, like you for who you are good and bad, true friends, they are hard to find but do exists, for me the rest are fakes and I'm still polite and say hi but don't bother with anymore than that. My teenage son, who also just figured out he suffers from depression, said something the other day that struck me. He said I wish I was stupid, stupid people can't see all this and can be happy going on in their imaginary stupid world and little bothers them. I am starting to think that it's intelligent, insightful deep thinking people that suffer from depresion and anxiety as we cannot get our brains to turn off. I think we can beet it but we must work harder by constantly fighting the negative thought with positive thoughts and doing nice things for others, not to show off, just to fight the negativity.

      E

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  • Posted

    Aww sorry i wasnt on last nite to giv u a virtual hug or some support as u do for us all got all scouse nieces here til early mornin they talk a lot lol xx yes my friend in 2002 felt as you did the other nite but with other body parts and we went to great lengths to stop her losing her arm. Im ex bulimic so i understand the self hare part. But u inspired me to join the gyn. U!!! Ur fab on here glad im back xxx
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    • Posted

      Thankyou no need for an apology or an explaination Hun

      You are not obliged to be here lol I'll be fine I spoke to my gp today about my overdose you know nothing not so much as a high reading for protein absolutely nothing Drs are amazed as last week the liver damage was evident on bloods yet today not a thing it really is god taking the pee I thing his blessing are raining upon me most definitely if indeed its rain it could be p*ss I supose lol he's put me on 80mg fluoxetine and referred me to another set of mental health team although he did worry me for a min he was asking if I'd been admitted before for assessment to which I replied you couldn't send me lol you'd need an army lol I don't need to be imprisoned

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