Self-help ideas/Mirtrazapine success stories needed

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I'll try and keep this brief. I've been depressed for approx 6 years (I'm 21), with varying levels of severity. Recently, for maybe the past 4 months, it's got very bad and completely unmanageable. I've had a bit of counselling in my teens and was seen by a child psychiatrist for a couple of years but never found it to be of much use (my parents arranged it and I guess I was rebelling by not letting it help me... stupid I know).

I've never been on medication before until a few months ago when I was put on Sertraline, but I took 1 tablet and had an awful reaction so was advised not to take any more. After about a week I was put on Citalopram which I was on for 10 days. I did find it lifted my mood but I had no appetite whatsoever and it was drastically affecting my sex life (I still had a high sex drive but was unable to orgasm).

I was then put on Mirtrazapine which I've now been on for almost 5 weeks (4 weeks at 15mg, and 1 week at 30mg). It hasn't taken effect yet; I've read that it can take a while to kick in but I am really reaching my breaking point. I've felt suicidal probably about 5 times since I've been on it, and have been self-harming and drinking heavily (not advised I know but its my only solace).

On 'good days' I just feel numb, but not distressed or panicky or argumentative and I can function near-normally so I class it as a good day. On bad days I feel worthless and angry and despairing and like there's no other way out than suicide. My boyfriend tries hard to help and understand but a lot of the time I take it out on him and can be really vile to him, which distresses me further as he's an amazing man and doesn't deserve it. I have no self esteem, none whatsoever, and this convinces me that he'll cheat or he won't want me anymore, even though he's shown no evidence at all of behaving like this, and in my heart I know he wouldn't. I'm pushing him away with my unfounded paranoia and can see us breaking up over it if I don't sort myself out soon. He's the perfect man for me and it would break me if we were to end.

My family don't know about my depression and I have no friends (not exaggerating or self-pitying, I really don't). I've had 3 counselling sessions from my uni but because the academic year is now over they can't see me til the end of September. I'm on a waiting list for CBT but been told to wait 6-12 months and 'not to hold my breath'.

Sorry, keeping it brief didn't really work out! I guess the things I'm asking are:

1) Any success stories of Mirtrazapine taking effect after the 5 week mark; how long did it take for you etc?, and how did it help? I feel its worth carrying on giving it a go since I've not really had any side effects but extreme tiredness in the mornings, but it sometimes feels completely pointless as it's not 'worked' for me yet and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle at times.

2) Any self-help methods that you've found to help you when you've been at your lowest? I have a diary app on my phone where I write at least 1 positive thing that has happened each day, and have done this since 1st January this year. It occasionally helps to read through this or texts from my boyfriend but not always. I also have a mindfulness app which I sometimes use but I guess I've not really got into it. I intend to join some sort of group/hobby in order to keep myself busy and make new friends but I'm sure people in the same boat as me can appreciate that when you're in the depths of depression you really can't take that leap of faith to actually go ahead and DO something about it.

Sorry for the long post! Any advice much appreciated.

(Also posted in Depression forum)

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    hi go back to your doctors these side effects could be the mirtz...speak to your doctor ..i was on mirtz came off because i was having sucide thoughts...them thoughts have gone now im off it...goodluck 
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  • Posted

    I have been on mirt 45mg for about ten weeks.my mood has lifted I do have days when I feel pretty lousy but I think that's all part and parcel of depression.i haven't had any of the appetite or weight problems with it.if you can let it get into your system then you might find it works for you.iv been on more anti depressants than they stock in boots so to be able to say something helps is pretty good for me.
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  • Posted

    I think you should continue with the Mirtz ( sorry but auto correct changed that to Nietsche and I just laughed out loud literally!). It takes 4-6 weeks to take effect and that's conservatively speaking. I've been on it for a few months now (45g) daily and even though I am still stumbling along, I am not crying every day at the drop of a hat and I have moments where the entire point of existence doesn't always come into question ūüėČ. You owe it to yourself to give it a decent run and then if you believe it's not for you down the track, at least there aren't any "What if.." moments.¬†

    As for the second part of your epistle - that is a tough one. It sounds as though what you ARE doing is pro active and useful. As you say, it is so hard to help someone shift the focus of what is ultimately habitual negative thinking where the brain has literally been hard wired to view things a certain way. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for someone else. Hopefully this forum will prove helpful when you really feel like despairing. At times I want nothing to do with it because it feels like an ugly reminder of where I'm at but at other times I realise and appreciate I can communicate with like minded people, on the other side of the world and sometimes, by trying to be a support for someone else, all my energies are not focused so ego-centrically on myself. I wish you well in your recovery!!!!!  

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  • Posted

    Hi

    had depression for number of years, and TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. You seem quite pro active, which is great, and give yourself a pat on the back for it, don't beat yourself up bout everything, easier said than done, as I do it all time.

    I am very anti drugs, but was advised to try mirt. Been on 15mg for 2 months, and for me I started to improve quite quickly, but everyone is very different so there is no hard and fast rule, you just maybe taking a bit longer. No problem with that. Are you having side effects? This drug is one of the better ones for not getting too many, although as with all, chance you may get some.

    Loads I could say bout this, but don't want to bore you with stuff, but feel get to pm me if you want.

    I feel mirt is one of the better drugs, but each person is very individual with regard to how it effects them

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    • Posted

      Hi.  Has anyone had restless legs in bed?  Apparently its one of the side effects of taking Mirtazipine.  Its spoiling what precious sleep i manage to get.
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    • Posted

      What exactly is this restless legs condition? I keep reading about it but I don't know what it is exactly...???
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    • Posted

      Hi  Restless legs is when you cant stop your legs twitching and moving around in bed,  Nothing seems to relieve it.  Its probably a side effect of the drug Mirtazapine. 
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    • Posted

      I have been on it for months but don't have this side effect. That's not much help to you though I'm sorry.....
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    • Posted

      Hi Vivien yes I had restless legs really bad on this. Took me 1-2 hours to get to sleep. If they don't knock you out try taking them in the morning. Was just another reason I stopped taking them.
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  • Posted

    Hi Darling, sorry to hear about your struggle. Personally I have not had a great experience with Mirt. however I can't really say I have ever had a positive experience with anti-depression medication. I would have thought you might have started to feel the effect by now. My experience with Mirt. was I found the effects of going on and coming off the drug were fairly instant i.e 3-7 days. The dosage can go up to 45mg per day so maybe it is a case of going back to your doctor again. Do you have psychatrist? Your depression sounds very severe and is probably beyond the scope for a GP. As for advice my psych has recommended trying to "break the cycle" - easier said than done I agree. I know I've been guilty in the past of just laying on the couch or not leaving the bedroom for days because that's where I feel comfortable. His advice has been to try and break that cycle. It doesn't have to be dramatic, it can be something really small that you don't necessarily feel like doing but will probbaly do you good. It could be simply walking out the front door to collect the mail or walking to the local store to get milk or even just walk to the park and turn around and come back again. The temptation is stay in the lounge room or bedroom because that's where we feel comfortable but after taking his advice and doing something small but a little uncomfortable I find it helps to break the cycle. I know I've benn guilty in the past of taking a tablet and just waiting to magically feel better. Unofrtunately they don't work like that. They are designed to get you to a level where you can start taking steps to help yourself. Little things soon turn into bigger things and that's part of the healing process. For me exercise is the key. As soon as I feel I am ready to exercise I start immediately. It could be a run or a ride and it might only be 20 mins to start with but I know it will make me feel heaps better. Even going for a 15 minute walk is going to have massive benefits. Put on your headphones and listen to your favourite music. These are all positive things that help the recovery. Of course when you are really depressed this all seems a mountain to climb so start small. Maybe just the walk to the letterbox to collect the mail or walk up the street and have a coffee. Good luck and let us know how you get on.
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  • Posted

    Hiya

    I am in a similar boat with you. I am 21 and have been suffering with depression for about 5/6 years.

    I too was on citalapram and i went down to 8 stone. it really had no effect on me.

    I have been on mirt since september last year and i have found it has helped me loads. I can sleep through the night and my mood has lifted. Yes when you start taking it you feel like 'what's the point in this?' 'i feel just as crap' i also gained weight back to 10stone now which is right for me height etc. It does make you feel a bit groggy/ mood swings but if you keep taking it regularly i really does make a difference. 

    in  regards to your counselling, i have done loads of it!! But a great one is CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) it makes you look at life in a different way and see the glass as half full not half empty. 

    in regards to your friends/ family, i really think it does help talking to smeone you know. Just to get it off your chest. you dont have to go into the reasons behind why you are depressed, but just generally saying ' look ive been feeling sh*tty im trying to sort it but i might need a hand' no need to go into the ins and outs of it but it will make a difference telling some of your family that you arent very well. it feels like you have lifted a massive weight of your chest. Trust me i was hiding it from my family for about 3 years. Even telling your boyfriend about things will help!

    Saying you have no friends is so self deprivating, I am sure there is someone, and if you are at uni what bout housemates? If not look at joining a society that you are interested. i found that exercise is a great way to help you get mentally fit. not neccessarily going to the gym/ running, but small things like walking to the shops to get a paper/ some milk.

    i know its hard to go out and do things but once you do it the first time it gets easier. 

    like i said im in a very similar situation but you have to take one day at a time and continue to think positive.

    However if you continue to feel so low after a few more weeks i would go back and talk to your doc.

    hope that helps, 

    Alice

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