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I read a lot of posts & comments regarding individuals afflicted with bipolar saying & doing dreadful things towards others, especially during hypomanic & manic states!
Has anyone found the opposite to be true, not so much during elated periods, but focussing most if not all negative behaviour & comments on yourself rather than others?
I have so little confidence at times & my self esteem is practically none existent. I've been married 11 years & love my husband so much, but I'm constantly finding reason for him to leave me, worry he's having an affair, think I'm too overweight, old, unattractive, mentally unstable, etc, etc...
So much so, I fear I'll push him away so I'm in control rather than risk him leave me & break my heart.
I worry I'll never be well enough to truly enjoy my life again & spend so much time thinking about suicide & taking all the emotional pain away.
I tried this 15 years ago, it wasn't nice & resulted in a long psychiatric hospital stay!
I'm not in the same emotional state & haven't been since then & can always find numerous justifications of why not to do it & therefore won't!
My counseller told me it's a natural thing to think about, a way out from the emotional pain felt & not to worry about it as long as plans are not made & reasons for not carrying it through are present.
I'm so blooming down on myself...
I turn most things into a problem regarding myself!
Its not helpful & I worry I'll become a self fulfilling prophecy!
Bizarrely, despite the bipolar diagnosis, I'm actually an optimistic, bubbly person!
These characteristics are certainly initiated by low moods...
I rarely direct negativity towards others, just myself.
Anyone else like this?
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