Sertraline

So sorry to hear how you feel at present I know how you feel its vile.

I have suffered with this for 10 years before I went to see a psychiatrist through my GP. I felt un safe all the time which was strange as I was working as a doorman, I couldnt even play golf without panic attacks and had to drink to go to socail events and spent days alone locked up at home and wanted to run out of meetings in work, lost my temper and was angry all the time . I constantly googled ADHD and BI POLAR and all other mental health illnesses due to the constant madness going on in my head which was making me feel there was something wrong with me its been hell. I was prescribed with anxiety and given 50mg of sertraline which increased to 100mg after a week. I have been on them about a month now and have noticed a massive difference. I even watched the rugby in a packed out club and drank soda water and did not have any panic what so ever which to me is like wining the lottery. I went out last nighth had a few beers no where near the amount i would normally drink as i do not need to get smashed to function anymore to hide the anxiety i know now when i hve had enough which is very very healthy i couldnt control it before. I honestly cant recomend this medication enough its like an emotional cruch the only think i get every now and then is that a worry i dont get panic anymore suppose its a little paranoia but that will pass as I continue to get better. I have stopped beating myself up and thinking am mad. Like millions yes millions of others I have been through alot of emotional sh*t in my life and its caught up on me and i need a tablet to help me get better in my eyes its no different to taking a tablet for an illness like high blood pressure or something simalar. Anxiety Depression can be beaten but not alone this tablet will help you but i have also realised once you start feeling a bit better i make sure i do stuff that used to scare me simple things like shopping , playing golf , going the pub , driving or what ever it is. Its like I am now strong enough to offer my anxiety out and going to smash its face in!! and live a deserved happy life. Dont get me wrong its not easy i live alone and dont see many people but i have realised that it helps to make an effort to mix with people. This is what i do.

Tell myslef I am a nice person things happend in my life out of my control and try and realise that people in my life love me and like me. I stay grounded and appreciate all i have and look forward to getting better and maybe one day supporting those who are going through this vile illness to help them get better.

Be strong mate , believe in your abiltiy to get better , take the tablets even if we need to take them for ever, WHO CARES! If it helps us to enjoy life so be it.

If someone breaks thier leg its easy to reconise and show empathy no one knows whats going on in your head but you would be suprised like I am how many millions of people suffer with this, YOUR NOT ALONE AND IN TIME CAN BEAT IT.

Take care mate I am always here if you need a chat

PHIL 

But aside from that its like at day 3 all hell breaks loose.

I stopped the first time and tried again after a week. Same happened. Its like a small dose works too well and like what will a bigger dose do if this is from just so little a dose.

I dont even know if i can take a chance a third time.

The doc said to go slow from 12.5 for a week then 25 for a week and then 50 from there on...

He says that due to me showing symptoms of being faintly Bipolar that i should rahter start slow and work up.

And its like i get worst heart burn slowd down feeling of euphoria spaced out but ok and then weak in the legs like i got no energy to stand and then by the third day my anxiety comes on strong on just 12.5 mg.

Dont know how better to explain it and if i should go on with it or not. I stoped last week.

Really banging my head here...

I went back to see my doctor this morning, I’m not ashamed to say I broke down in front of him. im only on day 7 and the anxiety is crippling me (i didn’t start taking this drug for anxiety incidentally, it was only for depression)  I know that might seem to some as being overdramatic, using the verb "crippling" but I don’t think it's until you’ve really experienced it for yourself you (one) can really understand just how bad this feels.

The lack of sleep i can cope with (pretty much) it reminds me of when my son was little! the banging headache all day long -not a problem, the flu-like symptoms –any day, the lack of appetite -fine, the nausea the dizziness, the blurred vision, the shakes and the constant ringing in my ears, 'the trots' too - BRING IT ON! bring them all on, but the anxiety from the early hours to mid to late afternoon that is utterly debilitating. leaving what little respite there is for the late afternoon/early evening, when you are too tired to care and end up nodding off and missing it anyway!

For me personally I wake around 3 maybe 4am and that’s it, I can feel the anxiety creep in and that’s it for me, I know the chances of getting back to sleep are virtually impossible.  The trouble with this is by 2-3 in the afternoon you are yawning your head off. that in itself i have no problem with but this Anxiety i now feel: HORRENDOUS!  I tried last night watching some TV and reading in order to try to keep myself awake as long as possible to try to sleep longer in the mornings and thus avoid a few more hours of the darkness (i don’t mean darkness in the literal sense, i mean the terror that is anxiety) but it was to no avail.  I think today is the worst that I have ever felt, and its terrifying me what tomorrow has in store for me. I was fortunate enough to talk to a friend who has experienced exactly the same feelings and that I found “comforting” to just know I am not the only one feeling this bad, and hopefully given time it will pass.

My doctor has given me some diazepam 2mg tablets he said I could take in the early hours of the morning it it gets too unbearable, but I am a little scared to take one, sounds daft I know but just feel like its one drug to counteract another. But I’ll see how I go and try one if I get really desperate. I just keep clinging onto the fact that the general consensus is the first two weeks are the worst. 

It is entirely possible that I feel worse today because I feel guilty that this weekend just gone was my weekend with my son of 7 and we are always out and about doing things, here there and everywhere having fun non-stop. This weekend however, we left the house once to go to the park (and even that was a real struggle)  I know my child understands that I’m currently “poorly” and I’ve told him that when I am better I will make it up to him but the guilt is really weighing on me on top of everything else.

Anyhoo before this turns into War and Peace I shall leave it there, I must say though having this forum is really good to be able to see other peoples experiences and coping mechanisms (or lack thereof) and know you (one) are not alone and there ARE countless others going through exactly what YOU are going through.  I just wish I could convince my brain of this fact.

Hoping and praying that tomorrow is, if not better (as I’m not expecting miracles) but Its not worse than today. Apologies that post has ended up all me me me,  but sometimes it feels good to let it out. and who knows someone may relate to my experiances and know they are not alone...

Wishing everyone better days to come.

Paul